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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Got some answers today...
but not sure where they leave us.
Saw Dr. B this morning. Found out that both of the twins were genetically normal, which means that even with the neupogen my body killed them off... again.  We lost our last set of twins this way, but weren't even aware that my body was attacking them back then... it's how we found out that I had this issue. This time we knew and took Neupogen to solve the problem... except that it wasn't enough.
I am heartbroken, and can't help but to blame myself. It's my stupid body that keeps preventing us from having kids.  I asked when the first immunological tests came back to have it increased, but was told it wasn't necessary. Same thing when my clotting test came back that my blood was too thick... I was told it wasn't necessary b/c it was most likely a lab error, which we found out later wasn't the case. He doesn't think that played a role in my miscarriage though, ... just the elevated NK cells, etc...
That being said, how in the world do we try again????  I hate this... I feel like next time the neupogen may not be enough again, and he's adding a high dose of prednisone in next time as well, but who knows if that will even be enough. I just feel SO defeated today. DH is SO down too, which is making me feel even worse. I'm blaming myself... which he thinks is dumb b/c there was nothing I could've done... but I feel like I should've fought harder. I wanted to increase my meds, and there is part of me that is kicking myself that I didn't just do it anyway... but as DH said, how do I know I wouldn't have taken too much or if it would've made a difference anyway. This whole thing just sucks...
We are also not agreeing with how many to transfer next time... DH and I are in agreement, but I'm going to have to do some research and think more before I talk w/ Dr. B about it again...
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Posted 10/10/11 9:57 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
PurpleC
Miracles Do Come True
Member since 8/10 2287 total posts
Name:
Caren
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I understand how frustrating this whole journey is and that sometimes the answers you get don't solve anything.
Please try to not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong!
I understand how hard it is for your husband too, my DH went through the same thing every time we got a BFN. Im thinking of you and sending you lots of  to get through this tough time.
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| Posted 10/10/11 10:09 PM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
I don't know if you're "there" yet, but have you considered using a surrogate?
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| Posted 10/10/11 10:15 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
Posted by InShock
I don't know if you're "there" yet, but have you considered using a surrogate?
No, we're not there yet, amazingly... though some days I have to wonder why...  If possible, I want to be pregnant and give birth to our children... to have the whole experience.
I flat out asked Dr. B if he thought we were wasting our time or if we should be looking into other options... he said no, and that he would tell us if he felt we were at a point that we should be.
I have to have an MRI of my uterus to check and he wants to do a color flow analysis (not sure what this is) before we start to try again... we need time to heal emotionally, so I told him to give us some time before we start again, and in the meantime I'll do the other testing he wants me to have done.
Ugh....
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| Posted 10/10/11 10:21 PM |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
I'm so sorry. Im praying for you!
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| Posted 10/10/11 11:05 PM |
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classc1
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/10 805 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so very sorry Whatever you do...please don't blame yourself. I know that many have found success with Neupogen but did you try IVIG? I ask because I know of several ladies that did not have success with intralipids but did with IVIG. I know IVIG is very expensive though. If you look at your NK test results you can see where the lab mixed your blood with both intralipids and iVIG. It tells you the percentage by which your Killer cells should decrease by. Maybe you can look at that and see if intralipids or IVIG would be worth a try.
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| Posted 10/10/11 11:14 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Got some answers today...
please do not blame yourself! you did not do anything wrong!
i am so sorry you are going through this
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| Posted 10/11/11 12:10 AM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
Posted by classc1
I am so very sorry Whatever you do...please don't blame yourself. I know that many have found success with Neupogen but did you try IVIG? I ask because I know of several ladies that did not have success with intralipids but did with IVIG. I know IVIG is very expensive though. If you look at your NK test results you can see where the lab mixed your blood with both intralipids and iVIG. It tells you the percentage by which your Killer cells should decrease by. Maybe you can look at that and see if intralipids or IVIG would be worth a try. [/QUOTE
Thanks. Intralipids weren't strong enough for me and IVIg is too $$$$... and from what I've been told Neupogen is supposed to be better than IVIg... so not sure where this leaves us.
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| Posted 10/11/11 7:00 AM |
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skinny
3 boys and a princess!
Member since 11/08 8178 total posts
Name:
Momma
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Re: Got some answers today...
I'm so sorry Shannon. This is just so unfair. I was really hoping you would get some answers that made sense...not answers that only made things more difficult for you.
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| Posted 10/11/11 7:42 AM |
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CindySN23
Stop, Think & Breathe...
Member since 8/11 3550 total posts
Name:
Cindy
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so sorry you are going thru this
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| Posted 10/11/11 7:45 AM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Got some answers today...
I'm so sorry that your answers only left you with more questions and frustration.
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| Posted 10/11/11 7:49 AM |
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Promised221
LIF Infant
Member since 6/11 351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so sorry you are going through this, my heart breaks for you. 
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| Posted 10/11/11 8:07 AM |
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LoLaBlue
PARTY OF 5
Member since 6/10 6900 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so sorry- please dont blame yourself
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| Posted 10/11/11 8:16 AM |
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LIRascal
drama. daily.
Member since 3/11 7287 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so sorry. But please please don't blame yourself. You don't have control over why your body does what it does. There was nothing you did to cause this.... Now, you put your faith to work in the hands of doctors and the guy upstairs, and it WILL happen! It will
But blaming yourself won't change a thing. I wish you so many prayers...
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| Posted 10/11/11 8:54 AM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: Got some answers today...
i am so so sorry...
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| Posted 10/11/11 9:10 AM |
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Megs4
LIF Adult
Member since 11/08 1619 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so sorry.
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| Posted 10/11/11 9:31 AM |
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01ellie
LIF Adult
Member since 9/10 2245 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
you will find the strength to move on when you're ready....dont blame yourself
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| Posted 10/11/11 9:33 AM |
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RGEC47
Feeling blessed!
Member since 11/09 3039 total posts
Name:
Rosa
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so sorry you have to got through this. But like pp's said, try not to blame yourself, it is NOT your fault.
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| Posted 10/11/11 9:55 AM |
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JennyPenny
?
Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Got some answers today...
So sorry, Shannon.
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| Posted 10/11/11 10:04 AM |
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JackiePags
They're the love of my life
Member since 8/10 1299 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am very sorry!!!
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| Posted 10/11/11 10:10 AM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
Shannon, my heart just breaks for you! Would you be okay with me putting in a prayer request for you at my church this weekend? I pray for you all of the time, but I know you need all the prayers you can get. I'm always here if you want to talk
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| Posted 10/11/11 11:45 AM |
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Irishgrl1017
It happened :)
Member since 9/08 1872 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so sorry Shannon. I am thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs
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| Posted 10/11/11 4:30 PM |
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beanie571
:-P
Member since 5/07 2509 total posts
Name:
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Re: Got some answers today...
I'm so sorry. I'm Dr. B will figure this out and get you on what you need to be. This is his specialty, right? Hang in there!
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| Posted 10/11/11 5:09 PM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Got some answers today...
I am so sorry
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| Posted 10/11/11 6:09 PM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Got some answers today...
Shannon- you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you and your husband are able to heal. I am so sorry for all you are going through.
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| Posted 10/13/11 2:27 PM |
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