Getting the guilt trip for being honest

It's no secret that I didn't LOVE being pregnant....all I wanted was my body back...I'm pretty vain about myself...and possibly a little self-conscious.

So now that talks for #2 are in the works, and I know what to expect, I am pretty open about not being all geared up for pregnancy.

I have been pretty vocal here and IRL about not being "ready" for #2 but wanted definitely to "get it out of the way" so I can say I'm done with babies and move onto life with my family.

I got a lot of support here, which I wasn't expecting, but was pleasantly surprised to know I wasn't alone.

Now DH is giving me flack that he can't believe I don't want more kids......he doesn't get that it's not that I DON'T want more....I'm just not ecstatic to HAVE more....meaning being pregnant, getting heavy, losing weight along with 3AM feeding that I did myself for the most part because DH gets up at 5AM for work, etc.....

I'm OK with it, but I'm upset that I feel like I can't communicate my real feelings for fear of being criticized......

I'm sorry that I'm not Suzy Homemaker like his mom....I'm not that person. I work full time, run a small business of my own that I am trying to build up and I am a financial contributor to my household. I likely won't be the PTA mom who sews Halloween costumes and bakes brownies every weekend.

All this coupled with the fact that it's my anniversary today is just making me upset I guess. There are much worse things in life, I know, but I'm just a little

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

I'm right there with you

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

It totally sucks when men don't get it. But you, and I, and every other woman on this board know the toll that pregnancy takes on the body - and he just doesn't have a clue.

Normally I would say just chalk it up to the insensitive man syndrome, but given that it's your wedding anniversary - he's got some nerve saying anything that makes you feel bad.

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

Just wanted to send you some of these

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

G~You're just not ready, and that's OK...it should be ok. When you're ready to have another baby, none of these things will matter. So you should sit down and have a nice heart to heart talk with your hubby

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

i feel and felt the SAME EXACT way in every way that you do! i am currently in the thick of having a toddler and infant and i forgot how much work it is in the early months-not to mention trying to feel normal again after a yucky pregnancy! my DH misconstrues my honesty and complaints the same way. i am very honest person and am not going to sugar coat or ignore the tough things especially when most of it is on me. DH does not have to get pregnant and then do the hard work that follows. i don't care what anyone says-it mostly falls on the mother. so do not feel guilty. not one bit. allow yourself to be honest and open,it will help you endure the "bad" parts. unfortunately your DH will probably never understand
needless to say i am done with being pregnant and am 3 months in with my baby and i am totally relieved!

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

Men just don't get it.

And, since they can never be the ones to get pregnant, they never will.

Just because you vent about the struggle doesn't mean you love your kid(s) any less.

I don't love being pregnant. I don't the sacrifices you make to have kids. I don't love getting up at for feedings and living on no sleep.

But, I love me kids more than life itself and I'd do anything for them so I do it.

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

men don't get it! I hate being pregnant, I'm expecting again. I was so sick last night, I said to him, what was I thinking doing this again so soon. he got so angry/ upset. I love this baby, I just don't love being sick and tired all day long, w/ everything else that goes w/ being pregnant

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

I'm sorry you can't share your feelings with DH. I'm not enjoying pregnancy myself so I totally understand how you feel. Men don't have to gain weight (with the expectation that they'll lose it AND look the way they did before they got pregnant within a few months) AND stay home with the baby for at least 6 weeks AND get up for the feedings AND be nauseous and/or ravenous, have bad skin, cramps, swollen feet, back aches, etc. Men $uck, don't they?

If men had to have babies, there would be one child per group of friends. A friend of theirs would have a baby and that would be it - the rest would be scared off for good with all the complaining. Unless they all got competitive and all wanted to prove they could handle it. Then they would all get knocked up at the same time.

Message edited 10/29/2009 2:35:11 PM.

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

You could be my twin. I HATE being pregnant. I almost wasn't going to have a second child, because I hate being pg soooooooo much.

When I was deciding about having #2, I said to myself..."It's now or never. If I wait any longer, I will never want to do it". So, I can understand you "wanting to get it over with".

Some people love it, some hate it..I couldn't care less what anyone thought.

People will always have their opinions on what you do or don't do as a parent, and if it's not on this subject, it will be another.

Stay strong and do what is right for you.

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

I feel the same about pregnancy. Sure #1 was exciting since it was the first and full of the unknowns. When it came to #2, I was completely open about pregnancy being the means to the end. Not a fan especially with a one year old running around while preggo.

Men dont get it...their lives and bodies don't change like ours. My hips are twice the size and I don't see them as happy memories of carrying my children.

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

Thank you everyone!!!!

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest

Posted by ME75

i feel and felt the SAME EXACT way in every way that you do! i am currently in the thick of having a toddler and infant and i forgot how much work it is in the early months-not to mention trying to feel normal again after a yucky pregnancy! my DH misconstrues my honesty and complaints the same way. i am very honest person and am not going to sugar coat or ignore the tough things especially when most of it is on me. DH does not have to get pregnant and then do the hard work that follows. i don't care what anyone says-it mostly falls on the mother. so do not feel guilty. not one bit. allow yourself to be honest and open,it will help you endure the "bad" parts. unfortunately your DH will probably never understand
needless to say i am done with being pregnant and am 3 months in with my baby and i am totally relieved!

Re: Getting the guilt trip for being honest