Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins.



Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors:



For ordinary sins
White Bread

For erotic sins
French Bread

For particularly dark sins
Pumpernickel

For complex sins
Multi-Grain

For twisted sins
Pretzels

For tasteless sins
Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision
Waffles

For sins committed in haste
Matzoh

For sins of chutzpah
Fresh Bread

For substance abuse
Stoned Wheat

For use of heavy drugs
Poppy Seed

For petty larceny
Stollen

For committing auto theft
Caraway

For timidity/cowardice
Milk Toast

For ill-temperedness
Sourdough

For silliness, eccentricity
Nut Bread

For not giving full value
Shortbread

For jingoism, chauvinism
Yankee Doodles

For excessive irony
Rye Bread

For unnecessary chances
Hero Bread

For telling bad jokes/puns
Corn Bread

For war-mongering
Kaiser Rolls

For dressing immodestly
Tarts

For causing injury to others
Tortes

For lechery and promiscuity
Hot Buns

For promiscuity with gentiles
Hot Cross Buns

For racist attitudes
Crackers

For sophisticated racism
Ritz Crackers

For being holier than thou
Bagels

For abrasiveness
Grits

For dropping in without notice
Popovers

For over-eating
Stuffing

For impetuosity
Quick Bread

For indecent photography
Cheesecake

For raising your voice too often
Challah

For pride and egotism
Puff Pastry

For sycophancy, ***-kissing
Brownies

For being overly smothering
Angel Food Cake

For laziness
Any long loaf

For trashing the environment
Dumplings




For those who require a wide selection of crumbs, we suggest a Tashlich Mix available in three grades (Taslich Lite, Medium, and Industrial Strength) at your favorite Jewish bookstore.

Re: Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

I laugh every year when I see this email, but I've never seen it with quite so many varieties!

An early Shana Tova to everyone celebrating!

Re: Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

Re: Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

I have also seen a few variations of this and still laugh every time!

Shana Tovah!

Re: Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

I never saw this one before! Yes, it's quite extensive!

Early L'Shana Tova, everyone!

Re: Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

love it!

l'shanah tovah!

Re: Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

too many to list a favorite!

too funny


i WILL be forwarding this

Re: Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

very cute!! i'm definitely sending this one out!

L'shana Tova!

Re: Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

i've never seen this before, that's great

Re: Funny Email about Rosh Hashanah - could be minorly offensive!

I never saw this b4... Too Funny!

Happy New Year!