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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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FTWM high level positions and older kids
Curious what FTWMs that are in high level positions do when their kids are older say 12-13+ during after school hours.
I have heard of some doctors who are married to docs have live in nannies. I'm curious what others that may not get paid as much as doctors but have demanding jobs which may keep them out of the house til 7pm do. An example is maybe a VP in a healthcare or finance.
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Posted 7/9/15 6:24 PM  |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Well, we're not in high-level positions, but I would imagine our son will be in sports, after school activities or just at home like we were growing up.
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| Posted 7/9/15 6:46 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Well, we're not in high-level positions, but I would imagine our son will be in sports, after school activities or just at home like we were growing up.
Lol I see what you are saying. What I mean is people who can't just leave at 5pm because things come up, meetings happen after 5, expectations are set higher, jobs/position/level is more demanding.
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| Posted 7/9/15 6:50 PM |
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FTWM high level positions and older kids
Maybe ask another team mate parent to help out? (Paid of course)
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| Posted 7/9/15 7:13 PM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
My aunt was a VP in a bank and her husband is a chiropractor. They both worked long hours and had an au pair because it worked with their long hours. She eventually left her position to do something with more "family friendly" hours.
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| Posted 7/9/15 7:26 PM |
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sunnyflies
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 1757 total posts
Name:
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FTWM high level positions and older kids
A friend just told me that they had to make a decision about who would take care of the kids after their child called his office hysterical that she couldn't reach her mother for something important happening right then at school. He had to leave a high level meeting at a huge corporation to take care of the school situation - a concert or something. The decision was that since he made considerably more, that his wife would quit her job and stay home.
Message edited 7/9/2015 7:32:16 PM.
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| Posted 7/9/15 7:31 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by Lauren82
My aunt was a VP in a bank and her husband is a chiropractor. They both worked long hours and had an au pair because it worked with their long hours. She eventually left her position to do something with more "family friendly" hours.
This is what I am wondering. If you don't have a live in person does something have to give and women often wait to move up til kids are in college? Having someone drive them to practice is small compared to being "there" for your kids. I am wondering what my growth will be like in my job and feel like I won't aspire for a demanding role til the kids are in college.
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| Posted 7/9/15 7:38 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
I personally believe that it's harmful to be out of the house so much that work comes before your kids.
I get needing to make basic ends meet, but there's a difference between the parent(s) who need to work to make ends meet vs. the parent(s) who are working a million hours to support a lavish lifestyle.
And even with the first, I'm sure those parents feel a lot of guilt and longing to be with their child.
With the other I sometimes wonder if it's a sickness to have to be working like that?
I understand certain roles are what they are, but the small handful of people I know like this, I feel bad for them and what they are missing out on.
It's also no secret that many kids who come from a lot of money but don't have a lot of parental involvement have a lot of issues.
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| Posted 7/9/15 7:52 PM |
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Millie3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/13 1280 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
The higher level women I worked for (finance) either had no children, live in nannies, or grandparents living with them to care for the kids. I personally wanted to wind down or retire once kids are done with college
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| Posted 7/9/15 8:23 PM |
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Momof3boys
LIF Infant
Member since 6/15 306 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I personally believe that it's harmful to be out of the house so much that work comes before your kids.
I get needing to make basic ends meet, but there's a difference between the parent(s) who need to work to make ends meet vs. the parent(s) who are working a million hours to support a lavish lifestyle.
And even with the first, I'm sure those parents feel a lot of guilt and longing to be with their child.
With the other I sometimes wonder if it's a sickness to have to be working like that?
I understand certain roles are what they are, but the small handful of people I know like this, I feel bad for them and what they are missing out on.
It's also no secret that many kids who come from a lot of money but don't have a lot of parental involvement have a lot of issues.
I work in a high level postion and am SMH at this.
Message edited 7/9/2015 9:08:58 PM.
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| Posted 7/9/15 9:08 PM |
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want2beamom
Love my boys soooo much!!!
Member since 8/06 10164 total posts
Name:
True love doesn't end with happily ever after...
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
An au pair might be an option
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| Posted 7/9/15 9:14 PM |
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hope123
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1097 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by Momof3boys
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I personally believe that it's harmful to be out of the house so much that work comes before your kids.
I get needing to make basic ends meet, but there's a difference between the parent(s) who need to work to make ends meet vs. the parent(s) who are working a million hours to support a lavish lifestyle.
And even with the first, I'm sure those parents feel a lot of guilt and longing to be with their child.
With the other I sometimes wonder if it's a sickness to have to be working like that?
I understand certain roles are what they are, but the small handful of people I know like this, I feel bad for them and what they are missing out on.
It's also no secret that many kids who come from a lot of money but don't have a lot of parental involvement have a lot of issues.
I work in a high level postion and am SMH at this.
I don't have a high level position or kids and I am SMH over this I have several family members and friends that have high level jobs and their kids are the most well behaved and cultured Kids I know. Some have live in nannies and others have baby sitters that pick up the kids from school and bring them to their after school activities. The kids don't get home not too long before their parents do. By the time the kids take a shower, do their homework, and watch a little TV, the parents (at least one parent if not both) are home to have dinner together and check the homework.
Several of these kids are at the top of their class, a senior is taking college level courses in high school, and the one old enough to go college this year got admitted to 2 Ivy League schools. With these families, the parents not coming home by 5:00pm and working late but they are able to afford to pay for the expensive hobbies the kids have and show them the world. Based on what I see with my family and friends, it's not the amount of time parents spend (getting home around 7:00 pm as opposed to getting home at 5:00 pm) that matters, it's the quality that matters.
These teenagers know their parents work hard to provide them good things and appreciate them. I highly doubt that they have time to do drugs and I often hear them talk at family events about getting into Ivy League colleges.
Message edited 7/9/2015 10:25:11 PM.
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| Posted 7/9/15 10:14 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by hope123
Posted by Momof3boys
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I personally believe that it's harmful to be out of the house so much that work comes before your kids.
I get needing to make basic ends meet, but there's a difference between the parent(s) who need to work to make ends meet vs. the parent(s) who are working a million hours to support a lavish lifestyle.
And even with the first, I'm sure those parents feel a lot of guilt and longing to be with their child.
With the other I sometimes wonder if it's a sickness to have to be working like that?
I understand certain roles are what they are, but the small handful of people I know like this, I feel bad for them and what they are missing out on.
It's also no secret that many kids who come from a lot of money but don't have a lot of parental involvement have a lot of issues.
I work in a high level postion and am SMH at this.
I don't have a high level position and I am SMH over this I have several family members and friends that have high level jobs and their kids are the most well behaved and cultured Kids I know. Some have live in nannies and others have baby sitters that pick up the kids from school and bring them to their after school activities. The kids don't get home not too long before their parents do. By the time the kids take a shower, do their homework, and watch a little TV, the parents (at least one parent if not both) are home to have dinner together and check the homework.
Several of these kids are at the top of their class, a senior is taking college level courses in high school, and the one old enough to go college this year got admitted to 2 Ivy League schools. With these families, the parents not coming home by 5:00pm and working late but they are able to afford to pay for the expensive hobbies the kids have and show them the world. Based on what I see with my family and friends, it's not the amount of time parents spend (getting home around 7:00 pm as opposed to getting home 5:00 pm) that matters, it's the quality that matters.
That argument that "parents who are out of the house" their kids are the worst behaved is so played out and has been PROVEN incorrect. It's a disservice to women everywhere to make a blanket statement like that. I'm horrified at the thought that someone would think that just because I don't stay home with my child that my kid is any less than anothers... In fact, granted our DC are 8 months and 10 months, but between the children who are home with their mothers and my DS who has been in daycare since he was 2 months old for 10 hour days, HE is the best behaved, most well adjusted, hitting milestone after milestone and incredibly happy. Don't tell ME how to raise MY child and I won't tell you how to raise yours.
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| Posted 7/9/15 10:21 PM |
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Momof3boys
LIF Infant
Member since 6/15 306 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by hope123
Posted by Momof3boys
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I personally believe that it's harmful to be out of the house so much that work comes before your kids.
I get needing to make basic ends meet, but there's a difference between the parent(s) who need to work to make ends meet vs. the parent(s) who are working a million hours to support a lavish lifestyle.
And even with the first, I'm sure those parents feel a lot of guilt and longing to be with their child.
With the other I sometimes wonder if it's a sickness to have to be working like that?
I understand certain roles are what they are, but the small handful of people I know like this, I feel bad for them and what they are missing out on.
It's also no secret that many kids who come from a lot of money but don't have a lot of parental involvement have a lot of issues.
I work in a high level postion and am SMH at this.
I don't have a high level position and I am SMH over this I have several family members and friends that have high level jobs and their kids are the most well behaved and cultured Kids I know. Some have live in nannies and others have baby sitters that pick up the kids from school and bring them to their after school activities. The kids don't get home not too long before their parents do. By the time the kids take a shower, do their homework, and watch a little TV, the parents (at least one parent if not both) are home to have dinner together and check the homework.
Several of these kids are at the top of their class, a senior is taking college level courses in high school, and the one old enough to go college this year got admitted to 2 Ivy League schools. With these families, the parents not coming home by 5:00pm and working late but they are able to afford to pay for the expensive hobbies the kids have and show them the world. Based on what I see with my family and friends, it's not the amount of time parents spend (getting home around 7:00 pm as opposed to getting home 5:00 pm) that matters, it's the quality that matters.
That argument that "parents who are out of the house" their kids are the worst behaved is so played out and has been PROVEN incorrect. It's a disservice to women everywhere to make a blanket statement like that. I'm horrified at the thought that someone would think that just because I don't stay home with my child that my kid is any less than anothers... In fact, granted our DC are 8 months and 10 months, but between the children who are home with their mothers and my DS who has been in daycare since he was 2 months old for 10 hour days, HE is the best behaved, most well adjusted, hitting milestone after milestone and incredibly happy. Don't tell ME how to raise MY child and I won't tell you how to raise yours.
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| Posted 7/9/15 10:34 PM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by hope123
Posted by Momof3boys
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I personally believe that it's harmful to be out of the house so much that work comes before your kids.
I get needing to make basic ends meet, but there's a difference between the parent(s) who need to work to make ends meet vs. the parent(s) who are working a million hours to support a lavish lifestyle.
And even with the first, I'm sure those parents feel a lot of guilt and longing to be with their child.
With the other I sometimes wonder if it's a sickness to have to be working like that?
I understand certain roles are what they are, but the small handful of people I know like this, I feel bad for them and what they are missing out on.
It's also no secret that many kids who come from a lot of money but don't have a lot of parental involvement have a lot of issues.
I work in a high level postion and am SMH at this.
I don't have a high level position and I am SMH over this I have several family members and friends that have high level jobs and their kids are the most well behaved and cultured Kids I know. Some have live in nannies and others have baby sitters that pick up the kids from school and bring them to their after school activities. The kids don't get home not too long before their parents do. By the time the kids take a shower, do their homework, and watch a little TV, the parents (at least one parent if not both) are home to have dinner together and check the homework.
Several of these kids are at the top of their class, a senior is taking college level courses in high school, and the one old enough to go college this year got admitted to 2 Ivy League schools. With these families, the parents not coming home by 5:00pm and working late but they are able to afford to pay for the expensive hobbies the kids have and show them the world. Based on what I see with my family and friends, it's not the amount of time parents spend (getting home around 7:00 pm as opposed to getting home 5:00 pm) that matters, it's the quality that matters.
That argument that "parents who are out of the house" their kids are the worst behaved is so played out and has been PROVEN incorrect. It's a disservice to women everywhere to make a blanket statement like that. I'm horrified at the thought that someone would think that just because I don't stay home with my child that my kid is any less than anothers... In fact, granted our DC are 8 months and 10 months, but between the children who are home with their mothers and my DS who has been in daycare since he was 2 months old for 10 hour days, HE is the best behaved, most well adjusted, hitting milestone after milestone and incredibly happy. Don't tell ME how to raise MY child and I won't tell you how to raise yours.
I don't disagree with anything that you said (I would hate to hear disparagement about being a FTWM!) but I didn't get that from the quoted poster.
From the tone of her post I gathered that she meant a truly absent parent who did not provide supervision and generally dropped the ball.
While I wouldn't say most of what she said for a few reasons - lots of different types of families succeed and lots of different types have "issues" - I also don't think we should take from it something that just isn't there.
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| Posted 7/9/15 10:47 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by JennP
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by hope123
Posted by Momof3boys
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I personally believe that it's harmful to be out of the house so much that work comes before your kids.
I get needing to make basic ends meet, but there's a difference between the parent(s) who need to work to make ends meet vs. the parent(s) who are working a million hours to support a lavish lifestyle.
And even with the first, I'm sure those parents feel a lot of guilt and longing to be with their child.
With the other I sometimes wonder if it's a sickness to have to be working like that?
I understand certain roles are what they are, but the small handful of people I know like this, I feel bad for them and what they are missing out on.
It's also no secret that many kids who come from a lot of money but don't have a lot of parental involvement have a lot of issues.
I work in a high level postion and am SMH at this.
I don't have a high level position and I am SMH over this I have several family members and friends that have high level jobs and their kids are the most well behaved and cultured Kids I know. Some have live in nannies and others have baby sitters that pick up the kids from school and bring them to their after school activities. The kids don't get home not too long before their parents do. By the time the kids take a shower, do their homework, and watch a little TV, the parents (at least one parent if not both) are home to have dinner together and check the homework.
Several of these kids are at the top of their class, a senior is taking college level courses in high school, and the one old enough to go college this year got admitted to 2 Ivy League schools. With these families, the parents not coming home by 5:00pm and working late but they are able to afford to pay for the expensive hobbies the kids have and show them the world. Based on what I see with my family and friends, it's not the amount of time parents spend (getting home around 7:00 pm as opposed to getting home 5:00 pm) that matters, it's the quality that matters.
That argument that "parents who are out of the house" their kids are the worst behaved is so played out and has been PROVEN incorrect. It's a disservice to women everywhere to make a blanket statement like that. I'm horrified at the thought that someone would think that just because I don't stay home with my child that my kid is any less than anothers... In fact, granted our DC are 8 months and 10 months, but between the children who are home with their mothers and my DS who has been in daycare since he was 2 months old for 10 hour days, HE is the best behaved, most well adjusted, hitting milestone after milestone and incredibly happy. Don't tell ME how to raise MY child and I won't tell you how to raise yours.
I don't disagree with anything that you said (I would hate to hear disparagement about being a FTWM!) but I didn't get that from the quoted poster.
From the tone of her post I gathered that she meant a truly absent parent who did not provide supervision and generally dropped the ball.
While I wouldn't say most of what she said for a few reasons - lots of different types of families succeed and lots of different types have "issues" - I also don't think we should take from it something that just isn't there.
That's an issue with everything online. I'm not the only one who read what I read and interpreted as such, but you didn't. Subtlety isn't easily translated online. I just had to say how I felt because that is EXACTLY how I read and interpreted what was written. though, you are 100% correct in that that might not have been what the op meant.
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| Posted 7/9/15 10:54 PM |
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LMFitz
life is good
Member since 5/05 2013 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
So I fall into this category (healthcare exec) - and our plan is for DH to fill that role (he works nights). Thankfully, I also have enough seniority to be able to pick and choose my spots of when I need to stay late, and when I can opt to get home at a more reasonable time. I'm fortunate for the flexibility I'm able to create for myself.
I struggle daily with my work demands in relation to my family…..they really do come first, but I love my job. I'm hopeful that my kids will one day look back and see the sacrifices I've made (and the success I've enjoyed), the commitment of their dad, the partnership we practice in raising them, and many other positive take-aways.
I expect a fair amount of stress and difficult decisions come the teenage years…but it's also far enough away for me that I expect my job will evolve a fair amount by then.
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| Posted 7/9/15 10:57 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
I need to clarify:
I'm a FTWM myself.
I WAS referring to the truly absent parents.
I have worked with a couple over the years....they are in the office at 5 am and leave at midnight.
MOST people need to work, especially here on LI.
I just can't grasp putting work over your family like that.
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| Posted 7/10/15 7:03 AM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I need to clarify:
I'm a FTWM myself.
I WAS referring to the truly absent parents.
I have worked with a couple over the years....they are in the office at 5 am and leave at midnight.
MOST people need to work, especially here on LI.
I just can't grasp putting work over your family like that.
Thank you for clarifying. Like I said, subtlety can be difficult to read sometimes. I agree, many on LI need to be FTWM. It's hard not to be. Sometimes, like this past Wednesday, dh has a bid going in the next day and has to work so late that his company just has them stay in a hotel - he works in NJ, we live in eastern Nassau. It happens once a quarter, but it sucks for all. He is very funny, though, and he's going to get in trouble as ds gets older, he has started a habit of bringing home a gift for him whenever he has to do this.
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| Posted 7/10/15 7:19 AM |
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Not a high level position but my dd, from the age of 11 came home after school or went to after school activities.
At the age of 12 +, they can easily stay home alone and don't need a nanny.
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| Posted 7/10/15 7:26 AM |
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I personally believe that it's harmful to be out of the house so much that work comes before your kids.
I get needing to make basic ends meet, but there's a difference between the parent(s) who need to work to make ends meet vs. the parent(s) who are working a million hours to support a lavish lifestyle.
And even with the first, I'm sure those parents feel a lot of guilt and longing to be with their child.
With the other I sometimes wonder if it's a sickness to have to be working like that?
I understand certain roles are what they are, but the small handful of people I know like this, I feel bad for them and what they are missing out on.
It's also no secret that many kids who come from a lot of money but don't have a lot of parental involvement have a lot of issues.
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| Posted 7/10/15 7:28 AM |
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by hope123
Posted by Momof3boys
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I personally believe that it's harmful to be out of the house so much that work comes before your kids.
I get needing to make basic ends meet, but there's a difference between the parent(s) who need to work to make ends meet vs. the parent(s) who are working a million hours to support a lavish lifestyle.
And even with the first, I'm sure those parents feel a lot of guilt and longing to be with their child.
With the other I sometimes wonder if it's a sickness to have to be working like that?
I understand certain roles are what they are, but the small handful of people I know like this, I feel bad for them and what they are missing out on.
It's also no secret that many kids who come from a lot of money but don't have a lot of parental involvement have a lot of issues.
I work in a high level postion and am SMH at this.
I don't have a high level position or kids and I am SMH over this I have several family members and friends that have high level jobs and their kids are the most well behaved and cultured Kids I know. Some have live in nannies and others have baby sitters that pick up the kids from school and bring them to their after school activities. The kids don't get home not too long before their parents do. By the time the kids take a shower, do their homework, and watch a little TV, the parents (at least one parent if not both) are home to have dinner together and check the homework.
Several of these kids are at the top of their class, a senior is taking college level courses in high school, and the one old enough to go college this year got admitted to 2 Ivy League schools. With these families, the parents not coming home by 5:00pm and working late but they are able to afford to pay for the expensive hobbies the kids have and show them the world. Based on what I see with my family and friends, it's not the amount of time parents spend (getting home around 7:00 pm as opposed to getting home at 5:00 pm) that matters, it's the quality that matters.
These teenagers know their parents work hard to provide them good things and appreciate them. I highly doubt that they have time to do drugs and I often hear them talk at family events about getting into Ivy League colleges.
Ok, I have to respond to this, sorry. Getting into an Ivy League school is not the end all be all. Unless you see what happens behind closed doors in this house or any other house of parents who work long hours and their kids are very smart, you have no clue what is really going on.
Many kids are pressured to make it into these schools (and yes, I have a teen and know many who are), mostly for the satisfaction of their parents.
Just because a child is smart, does NOT mean they have common sense (most do not if they are THAT smart).
It does not mean they are not drinking or doing drugs. My teen tells me of the smartest kids in her class getting drunk and high on the weekends. They are kids and can only handle so much so if you think an adult drinks or does drugs to lessen the stress, think of a kid.
Money is NOT everything. According to this board, we are poor. My children have always been in activities and sports. They have been on many vacations. We have shown them a lot AND we spend a lot of time with them.
I am getting tired of hearing about the "quality" time people have with their spouses and kids (via facebook mostly). You can easily have quality time sitting in your living room or going to the movies than having to work 12 or more hour days just so you can go to Europe or send your kids to the most expensive schools (which if you are not aware, if these kids are smart enough, they will pay almost nothing for these schools as they will get free rides).
Just needed to add my 2 cents as the grass isn't always greener and we tend to think everyone lives perfect lives outside of ours (mostly because of the internet now).
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| Posted 7/10/15 7:38 AM |
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
I need to clarify:
I'm a FTWM myself.
I WAS referring to the truly absent parents.
I have worked with a couple over the years....they are in the office at 5 am and leave at midnight.
MOST people need to work, especially here on LI.
I just can't grasp putting work over your family like that.
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| Posted 7/10/15 7:40 AM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Both my parents were in high level positions and I think I came out just fine. My mom did her best to be home for any plays, illnesses, etc. My father worked in the city and would be home after 7PM. We waited for him every night to all sit together for a nice, family dinner. My dad would coach my soccer games and make it to all my brother's baseball games.
They did their best to be there for us and I feel they did an amazing job. My sister, brother and myself are hard workers and I think we're all parents (well, my brother doesn't have any kids, but my sister and myself). I think my mom is a HUGE inspiration! She worked hard and was a great mom. I am still super close to her. My dad is retired and is so hands on with my kids. I work from home so he comes over and helps watch them a lot. I did have a nanny growing up till we were in middle school.
Want to add that my parents in their late 60's enjoy going out and traveling a lot. They always have. They work hard for their money and enjoy nice dinners and going away. I love that they are a huge inspiration. We all had to work when we were old enough as well.
Message edited 7/10/2015 7:43:15 AM.
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| Posted 7/10/15 7:41 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: FTWM high level positions and older kids
Everyone we know with 2 FT demanding jobs has a full time nanny/housekeeper. When parents work late, the nanny stays late. If parent travels, nanny stays overnight and gets paid extra.
DH is a doctor and the double doctor couples have full time help or an au pair. Several of DH's friends physician wives work very part time or are SAHMs.
I recently left my Director position in finance to stay home with the kids.
Message edited 7/10/2015 7:57:50 AM.
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| Posted 7/10/15 7:53 AM |
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