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AMF1115
Loves being Joey & Vinny's mom
Member since 1/09 3771 total posts
Name:
Athina
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Fighting with DH! (vent)
Can someone explain to me again how I'm supposed to handle all of the following and not let my blood pressure go sky high?
- fighting with DH. We haven't slept in the same bed for about a week. Without going too much in to it, he betrayed my trust in him, lied and has continued to ignore the concerns I voiced.
- All of DS's schedule: 2 hours of ABA therapy at home 5 days a week, Moms n Tots 2 days a week, speech therapy for 30 mins. 5 times a week, and 2 more hours ABA therapy at school 5 days a week.
- Cooking.
- Cleaning.
- Laundry.
- Working on things for my SIL's wedding in 2 weeks, including personalizing her aisle runner.
- Worrying about my grandma who was evacated from her home at the beginning of the month due to flooding in her area of Binghamton. She has been living with my dad and brother but its a pipe bomb waiting to explode. She isn't allowed back in her house b/c its deemed unsafe and she isn't taking care of herself.
- Cramping and bleeding with this pregnancy. I was sick last week with a cold. Because of the violent coughing I actually started cramping and bleeding on Friday. Ended up in the hospital for a few hours as a precautionary measure. The baby was fine. I'm STILL cramping a lot and even though the bleeding has tapered off its still more then I'm comfortable with. The cramping is crippling at times.
My head is about to explode and the 1 person I should be able to lean on is actually causing more heartache!
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Posted 9/25/11 9:37 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
I hope things get better and easier for you soon
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| Posted 9/25/11 9:40 PM |
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Bearcat
Love my little girls!!! <3
Member since 6/10 10818 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
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| Posted 9/25/11 9:40 PM |
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Nayia
<3 <3 <3
Member since 10/07 1824 total posts
Name:
Penny
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
U def have a lot of ur plate!! I dont have any advice but I do wanna offer lots of hugs!!
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| Posted 9/25/11 9:41 PM |
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CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
First and foremost, you need to take care of YOURSELF and your baby!
I understand you are fighting with DH, but in the meantime, he still needs to step up and help with the laundry, cleaning, etc. You will have to talk out your problem no matter what. Is it something you are able to get past or is it more major?
I hate to say it, but don't worry so much about your grandma. Worrying isn't going to get you anywhere right now. You need to focus on you and your other family members can help her.
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| Posted 9/25/11 9:43 PM |
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noworlater
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 1528 total posts
Name:
Now!
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
Posted by AMF1115
Can someone explain to me again how I'm supposed to handle all of the following and not let my blood pressure go sky high?
- fighting with DH. We haven't slept in the same bed for about a week. Without going too much in to it, he betrayed my trust in him, lied and has continued to ignore the concerns I voiced.
- All of DS's schedule: 2 hours of ABA therapy at home 5 days a week, Moms n Tots 2 days a week, speech therapy for 30 mins. 5 times a week, and 2 more hours ABA therapy at school 5 days a week.
- Cooking.
- Cleaning.
- Laundry.
- Working on things for my SIL's wedding in 2 weeks, including personalizing her aisle runner.
- Worrying about my grandma who was evacated from her home at the beginning of the month due to flooding in her area of Binghamton. She has been living with my dad and brother but its a pipe bomb waiting to explode. She isn't allowed back in her house b/c its deemed unsafe and she isn't taking care of herself.
- Cramping and bleeding with this pregnancy. I was sick last week with a cold. Because of the violent coughing I actually started cramping and bleeding on Friday. Ended up in the hospital for a few hours as a precautionary measure. The baby was fine. I'm STILL cramping a lot and even though the bleeding has tapered off its still more then I'm comfortable with. The cramping is crippling at times.
My head is about to explode and the 1 person I should be able to lean on is actually causing more heartache!
Is DH normally not helpful or not helpful because of the fight? He has to still help with the baby and housework especially now with you just being in the hospital.
You don't have to do everything, even if its not done. Cooking, cleaning, laundry can wait. Think Frozen meals, sandwiches. Cleaning honestly can wait- not ideal but it can. laundry can wait till you are down to your last two bloomers if necessary. Its temporary.
Fighting with husband is stressful and sounds like you were really hurt. hopefully this can be worked out sooner than later and it will be weight lifted off your shoulders.
Let your other family members worry about your grandma.
Ask for help.
Is there a young teenager in the family or community that you know that wants to be a mommy helper? Cheaper than a babysitter. They can help with watching DS while you REST, work on the runner, do LIGHT housework. You need to rest for you and your baby.
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| Posted 9/26/11 8:22 AM |
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AMF1115
Loves being Joey & Vinny's mom
Member since 1/09 3771 total posts
Name:
Athina
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
Posted by CouponKT
First and foremost, you need to take care of YOURSELF and your baby!
I understand you are fighting with DH, but in the meantime, he still needs to step up and help with the laundry, cleaning, etc. You will have to talk out your problem no matter what. Is it something you are able to get past or is it more major?
I hate to say it, but don't worry so much about your grandma. Worrying isn't going to get you anywhere right now. You need to focus on you and your other family members can help her.
Can we get past it? I honestly don't know anymore. Its a reoccurring issue with him. He has broken so many promises and outright lied to me so many times I have no way of finding the slightest bit of trust in him. To make matters worse, he is super lazy when it comes to our relationship so the usual cycle of our arguments are: I get mad. He gets silent. I get more ******. He gets angry/defensive. I cry. He apologizes and promises it wont happen again.
I'm so over this! I don't have time or energy to fight for a relationship he obviously doesn't value. If he did he wouldn't just hurting me. He can't ever claim that he doesnt know he is hurting me either b/c I'm a Brooklyn girl - I am not shy about saying what is on my mind. There is no "figuring out" or "reading between the lines" with me. I'm straight forward 9 times outta 10.
He took DS yesterday AM from 8-10am. Which meant feeding him breakfast and watching Sesame Street. When I woke up at 10am I had breakfast, did laundry, scrubbed the bathroom. At that point before DS's nap DH decided to put together a new piece of furniture. Of course DS wanted to be with him and I dealt with the fallout. I also vacuumed, mopped and dusted. At some point our new babysitter came (we are testing her out) so DH and I went downstairs to my in laws. DH went into football mode: watching it, checking his fantasy team, etc. I helped my SIL with her wedding sitting arrangements; cut and taped together the stencil for her aisle runner (which I am painting). Helped do the favors for her rehearsal dinner this Friday and the favors for her wedding. I fed DS dinner. I gave DS his bath.
I have a grocery store list on the frig and DH actually asked me "does that stuff need to be bought today?". WHY!!! Because he was doing SOOOOOOOOOO much other stuff??? Because walking up the block where the store is located is tooo far away???? No. Because he wanted to be lazy and not go.
So today, DS has ABA therapy right now. Followed by Moms n Tots. Then we come home, I give him lunch and he takes a nap. At which point I have to stencil out my SIL's aisle runner. When DS wakes up I have to take him to ABA school and back to stenciling. At some point I have to make dinner b/c at 6pm I have my ultrascreen appt. When I get back I'm sure I'll have to feed and bathe DS and put him to bed. I also have to fit in another load of laundry somewhere.
Needless to say, I'm exhausted and ****** off!
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| Posted 9/26/11 8:30 AM |
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MySunshine
In love with my Baby Boy
Member since 3/11 2783 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
Hun you need a vacay. Even if it's a couple of hours to yourself, you need some you quiet and alone time. I am tired just reading how much you do and I am a pretty active person. As far as your DH don't give him the option, leave your DS with him and say you'll be back. If groceries aren't bought, don't cook dinner. When he sees that things are not comfortable once you stop doing every.single.thing. he will help out more.
I am so glad to hear that everything is ok with the little peanut.
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| Posted 9/26/11 8:39 AM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
I completely understand. DH and I have been going through the same crap. I am still responsbile for everything in the house. And DS is also getting ABA therapy 5 days a week. 3 hours a day. Working full time from home and going to the office which includes waking up at 5:30am. Its a lot, and I totally get it. And you're tired and just feeling done.
Always come here and vent away. Some of us have been there right along with you Just hang on as best you can!
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| Posted 9/26/11 8:59 AM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
I agree with one of the previous posters. You seriously need a break to just try to relax. You sound like your going through so much and my heart breaks for you. This is not good for your health or the baby..I am sending prayers your way that these problems start to resolve. Im so sorry your going through this
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| Posted 9/26/11 9:56 AM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
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| Posted 9/26/11 10:02 AM |
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Finally1108
My two boys
Member since 12/08 3541 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
i am so sorry
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| Posted 9/26/11 10:06 AM |
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MamaPapaBear
my little girl
Member since 1/11 2045 total posts
Name:
my whole world
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
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| Posted 9/26/11 10:08 AM |
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AMF1115
Loves being Joey & Vinny's mom
Member since 1/09 3771 total posts
Name:
Athina
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
Update: I actually just had a breakdown at Moms n Tots. DS was tired, hot and cranky. He just finished 2 hours of ABA and had no interest in being there. He was crying, having tantrums and just not happy. So I left early with him. I'm a crying, sobbing mess. I feel like either it's too much for him or he is just too young to get it right now. I dunno if I missed some window to get him used to other kids or if its the PDD. I just dont know what I'm doing and I have absolutely no one to vent/talk to about it. My friends and I dont have that kind of relationship. I can't vent to my in laws about my feelings about DH. I feel like I'm doing all of this alone. I just lost right now and seriously have no where to turn. Its times like this that I REALLY miss my mom. I feel like such a failure as DS's mom and I have no right bringing DC#2 up either.
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| Posted 9/26/11 12:07 PM |
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Bella01
LIF Adult
Member since 5/11 3708 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
Posted by AMF1115
Update: I actually just had a breakdown at Moms n Tots. DS was tired, hot and cranky. He just finished 2 hours of ABA and had no interest in being there. He was crying, having tantrums and just not happy. So I left early with him. I'm a crying, sobbing mess. I feel like either it's too much for him or he is just too young to get it right now. I dunno if I missed some window to get him used to other kids or if its the PDD. I just dont know what I'm doing and I have absolutely no one to vent/talk to about it. My friends and I dont have that kind of relationship. I can't vent to my in laws about my feelings about DH. I feel like I'm doing all of this alone. I just lost right now and seriously have no where to turn. Its times like this that I REALLY miss my mom. I feel like such a failure as DS's mom and I have no right bringing DC#2 up either.
Please don't say that!! I am sure you are an amazing mom!!
I just want to give you a big hug and please hang in there, I know it's hard!
I think you need a break. Can someone watch your son while you do something for yourself? Relax, go to a spa, anything.
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| Posted 9/26/11 12:15 PM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: Fighting with DH! (vent)
Posted by AMF1115
Update: I actually just had a breakdown at Moms n Tots. DS was tired, hot and cranky. He just finished 2 hours of ABA and had no interest in being there. He was crying, having tantrums and just not happy. So I left early with him. I'm a crying, sobbing mess. I feel like either it's too much for him or he is just too young to get it right now. I dunno if I missed some window to get him used to other kids or if its the PDD. I just dont know what I'm doing and I have absolutely no one to vent/talk to about it. My friends and I dont have that kind of relationship. I can't vent to my in laws about my feelings about DH. I feel like I'm doing all of this alone. I just lost right now and seriously have no where to turn. Its times like this that I REALLY miss my mom. I feel like such a failure as DS's mom and I have no right bringing DC#2 up either.
You are not a failure! Please don't ever think that.
Maybe doing the Moms n Tots class is too much after the ABA therapy. Is there another time that's offered? Otherwise, maybe just take him out of that. Maybe you guys can go to the library instead or do something else at that time.
Is it in your budget to get a housekeeper to come every so often?
Also, the laundry can definitely wait. I only do laundry once/week and we manage perfectly fine that way! Major cleaning is only done on Sundays when DS is sleeping, otherwise DH is responsible for the vacuuming and trips to the store when I forget something we need for cooking. I think you guys need to sit down and talk about what responsibilities belong to whom because it seems like you just have way too much on your plate!
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| Posted 9/26/11 12:20 PM |
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