Not that I have been down this road so long .. but for what limited time I have been getting fertility treatments, I did feel slightly sorry for myself at times...
Today I went to the RE and for the first time, left with a calendar. And why? Because I need a calendar to organize when I will take various meds because I am currently on FOUR different ones It just makes me feel so defective.. and sick. I see those orange pill containers and it makes me feel like there's something terribly wrong with me. I can't help but link pill containers with a sick person
... and then I start to not only feel sorry for myself.. but feel guilty too. Almost like I put myself here and I am doing this to myself. Of course DH and I BOTH want a baby but if I wanted to hold off- we would. I was also the one that was SO excited to get started and really pushed seeing the RE at the first sign of problems. My DH is SOOOOOO supportive!! But I just can't help looking at those meds and feel like I am responsible for all this.....
I am fine during the day.. it's just the nighttime when I have to take the meds and I'm left staring at those pill containers. It just makes me sad. I can't believe that people can have babies with NONE of this. It's like some people are magical.
Sorry for this- I am just feeling down tonight. It's my first day back in a new cycle after a 2ww and a BFN...... so I'm just feeling discouraged and also afraid that I will take all these meds and end up in the same place I ended up last cycle With a BFN and back at the RE's office to talk about MORE meds......
Im sorry you are feeling down. You were so supportive of me after my bad weekend. This is a rough road to travel for some of us. Keep your eye on the prize. I will keep you in my prayers that hopefully this will be your month. And I will repeat what you told me, Its ok to be sad even devestated. Hold tough hun.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know exactly what you're feeling because I feel it also. I cried to my DH last night that I don't know if I can go through another cycle on these meds. Just know you're not alone and there are MANY women out there (and on here) who are experiencing the same feelings.
I made myself a calendar with check boxes because I had to take different meds at different times of the day, inejctions, etc. It's not easy to stay organized!
But hang in there... if you do get pregnant it will all be worth it!
I know what you mean by feeling defeated and defected. Just hang in there and know that none of this is our fault. You should be happy that you went directly to a RE the moment you felt something is wrong. At least you are down this journey for a baby a lot sooner. Good luck!! We are all here for you!
Thank you so much everyone!!!!! I love and appreciate that on these boards there's always somewhere to turn where people can absolutely understand what this is like!!
Now that I'm getting more 'into the cycle', I'm starting to feel better about it. I'm hoping that this time will be THE time and I won't have to worry about these fertility drugs again for another few years..
I'm trying to get more optimistic. This is such a busy time for us.. we're moving to a new house next week!!
It just makes me feel so defective.. and sick. I see those orange pill containers and it makes me feel like there's something terribly wrong with me. I can't help but link pill containers with a sick person 
