Feeling like a failure

I hope you guys don't mind...I just needed to vent.

My DS just turned a month old yesterday. I was determined to BF, but his latch was terrible and it was a frustrating experience for both of us. I set my mind to it that he was going to get BM, and started pumping 4x a day. My supply was awesome and I was staying way ahead of his needs, pumping about 8oz. each time.

With a 19 month-old and a VERY needy 1 month-old, finding time to pump got to be near impossible. I had set my mind to it that I was going to wake up at 7:30 each day (DH doesn't have to be to work until 8:30, and he works from home) so that I could pump and shower before he handed the kids off to me. DS is up about 4-5 times a night and I just couldn't find the energy to get up early.

So, 4x a day turned into 2, and has now turned into 1.

I had one day where I felt very full, went about 14 hours before I could pump, and got about 10 oz. The next day, it was down to 5.

Now I'm not even making enough to give him a full 5 oz. bottle with my one pump session at the end of the night.

I wanted this to work so badly...I wanted to give him the best thing I possibly could...and I failed. I feel like I failed him simply because he's the second child.

I wouldn't feel as bad if I thought we had him on the right formula. But something is definitely not right...he writhes around while we are trying to feed him and you can tell he's SO uncomfortable. So not only did I replace his BM with formula, it's formula that's making him uncomfortable.

I'm sorry this was so long, but I could just cry thinking about how I wish I could have done better for him. I BF my DD for 10 months and I feel it's the greatest thing I ever accomplished.

Re: Feeling like a failure

If it's really bothering you that much you can get your supply back up and it won't take that long. You just have to be willing to commit to the pumping as much as that sucks.
If you're done though you just have to accept it and move on and not give yourself guilt about it. You're doing the best you can. Being a mom of two isn't easy. I only made it 5 months with DS and he was nursing a lot of it but I was just drained, couldn't deal with figuring out what to eat or not and I just let it go. DS is 20 months and happy just like your DS will be.

Re: Feeling like a failure

Posted by monkeybride

If it's really bothering you that much you can get your supply back up and it won't take that long. You just have to be willing to commit to the pumping as much as that sucks.
If you're done though you just have to accept it and move on and not give yourself guilt about it. You're doing the best you can. Being a mom of two isn't easy. I only made it 5 months with DS and he was nursing a lot of it but I was just drained, couldn't deal with figuring out what to eat or not and I just let it go. DS is 20 months and happy just like your DS will be.

Re: Feeling like a failure

Like the PP mentioned, you can get your supply back up-but it will be very draining on you. I only have one DC and was pumping for the first 6 weeks because DS had a terrible latch and I was BEYOND exhausted, I can't even imagine how much harder it must be with 2 DC! You are doing the best you can, please don't be so hard on yourself

ETA: After 6 weeks of exclusively pumping, I decided to try putting DS on the breast just to see what would happen (at the suggestion of other LIFers) and it's like something just clicked--he latched on without any problems and I've been EBF ever since. Have you tried putting him on the breast from time to time?

Message edited 7/23/2010 11:40:11 PM.

Re: Feeling like a failure

Posted by MrsRivera

Posted by monkeybride

If it's really bothering you that much you can get your supply back up and it won't take that long. You just have to be willing to commit to the pumping as much as that sucks.
If you're done though you just have to accept it and move on and not give yourself guilt about it. You're doing the best you can. Being a mom of two isn't easy. I only made it 5 months with DS and he was nursing a lot of it but I was just drained, couldn't deal with figuring out what to eat or not and I just let it go. DS is 20 months and happy just like your DS will be.

I would LOVE to get my supply back, but I don't think it makes much sense for me. I am returning to my teaching position next a month from now. Elementary school teachers in NC don't get breaks for lunch (we eat with the kids), recess (we take the kids out ourselves) or specials periods (we meet as a grade level every day). So I wouldn't have a chance to pump during the day.

It is really bothering me...maybe I can try to pump at 3:30 as well, which is when I'll be getting home from school...