Feeling Guilty about IVF

I chose IVF for the next cycle since my beta was negative on saturday. I am feeling so guilty about the decision and am second guessing myself. How long were your TTC before choosing IVF. This marked 13 months for me. Do you think I am doing this too soon? Did anyone make a similar choice?

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

why guilty?

freaked out maybe...but guilty?

there is no right or wrong. its up to you dh and your doc!! gl!

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

What is your reason for jumping to IVF early in the game? If there is a medical reason for it then you shouldn't feel guilty at all!

I think it's important to remember that IVF is not a 'quick fix'. Sometimes people move on early out of impatience- but it might not work the first time and IVF is a major step to take. Emotionally, it's just important to keep that reality in check.

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

I understand the guilt. I still have it, and I'm 15 weeks pg (with an FET baby).

We decided on IVF 2 years into our journey. I'd sworn up and down that I'd never do it. It's funny how the desire to have one's own biological child trumps pretty much everything else.

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

It depends on your circumstances, your goals, and your chances of success with other IF treatment methods.

I was scared to death at first, but I was shocked at how much shorter the process was than I thought.... and less painful.

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

Posted by stargazerlily

Posted by PennyCat

What is your reason for jumping to IVF early in the game? If there is a medical reason for it then you shouldn't feel guilty at all!

I think it's important to remember that IVF is not a 'quick fix'. Sometimes people move on early out of impatience- but it might not work the first time and IVF is a major step to take. Emotionally, it's just important to keep that reality in check.

I have no real reason that is why I'm feeling this way. Yes I am impatient but that isn't to say that I haven't given this A LOT of thought. Our circumstances are unexplained so in my mind there is no reason that this isn't working and I think that is the hardest part. If I knew something was wrong and needed time to work through it, then I could definitely be patient. But this just feels like pointless waiting and I want to end it. (OK that last comment was a little bit of a vent)

This is too early right?[/QUOTE

imo not to early.

i started a couple iuis..and then went right into ivf bc we thought our insurance was running out and didnt want to lose the coverage. so after 6 months of treatments we did our first ivf. it ended in a chemical.
we did another one right away that didnt make it to transfer bc of poor egg quality.

found out a couple months later that we were keeping insurance so we backtracked and went on with iuis. A WHOLE bunch of them. got pg again and had a miscarriage and had to wait a few months again. did two more iuis and then something in my gut said try ivf again. my doc and i took a chance and i am soo happy to say i am pg now with a and due any day.

sooo i suppose i felt guilty/unsure at the 6 month mark if i was rushing it. but forward a fews years later.... i am glad i did it.

heres the two scenarios..

you get preggo adn you are thrilled you did ivf!!

you dont get preggo.... and you are in the same situation.


if you are unexplained and want to feel more sure maybe more opinions and testing before ivf. i knwo for me it ws the right thing to do bc of my age, drs opinions. etc.

i hope it works for you!

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

I'm not sure how old you are, but that factors into it as well.

We were unexplained IF and very hesitant to start treatments since there was "no real reason" we weren't getting pregnant and I wasn't even 30 yet. Well, 3 years later, 7 iuis, 1 miscarriage, and it was ultimately IVF that brought us our . I am so grateful, but looking back, I would have went to IVF much sooner, but I wasn't mentally ready for it at the time.

I've been there. FWIW, I would do exactly what u r doing. GL!

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

i did not feel guilty for doing ivf..we had been through so much already and we knew we had to do this

it is such a personal choice..and so many factors can take part..i would not go by time bc sometimes people only try for a month get a diagnosis and have to go straight to ivf

i would consider your age,dx,insurance and overall how you feel about going through it

it is a lot of meds lot of appts and if u r not ready for that that is ok,you should not feel bad about that

i think if u have serious doubts then maybe do a few more medicated iui so u can think about this more

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

I waited 2 years before I mad et he decision. I say I because DH was on board for whatever I wanted and left the decision up to me.

I wish I had done it earlier. I just kept saying it will happen next month.....and It didn't. THen when I finally mad ethe decision I unded up PG on my own.

I think it really depends on your situation. Part of my reason for wishing I didn't wait is that I had DS in Dec and I am goign to be 39 next week. I am now forced with the decision do I have another one right away or do I only have one.

So if you are young I would say maybe wit a few more months. You have to be at ease with your decision as IVF is extensive and takes a lot out of you and you may have to go through multiple cycles.

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

Message edited 4/23/2012 10:01:10 AM.

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

We started offically TTC in August 2011 and we are in the middle of our 5th IUI and looking at IVF if we do not get PG in the next 2 cycles (we need to have 6 IUI's before we can move onto IVF due to insurance)...if we have to go the IVF route we will have been TTC for 12 months and I dont think we are rushing into it...we are 100% ready for a baby so we are doing what we need to do to get to that point...dont feel guilty...if you have discussed IVF with your DH and your doc and this is the right course of treatment then there is no reason to feel that it is too soon

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

As other PP have said, i think the decision to move onto IVF depends on so many factors. I only did one IUI before moving on to IVF but that was because of my dx. I have endo and already had one surgery a few years ago. I did not want another surgery if it wasnt going to increase my odds of pregnancy and i didnt want to spend more time with IUIs if it was never going to work for us.

Also, its hard to just move onto IVF so quickly. Its hard to adjust and you do have false hopes that it should work when many times the first time doesnt. I was devestated when my first cycle didnt work. The only thing i can recommend is really take the time to see if this is the right step for you now. Once you and your DH are 100% on board with it you wont feel as bad with the decision. You will still be scared/nervous but more confident.

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

Look, you aren't getting pregnant. There is obviously a reason. When a doctor says unexplained it means they do not know. There is probably a reason. You might need to see 5 doctors before getting a reason. I went to see an RE after 6 months of trying, even though I am under 35. You can't always listen to doctors guidelines. I am glad I did go when I did because a huge problem was found. I knew something wasn't right. Trust your instincts.

Re: Feeling Guilty about IVF

We have no IF coverage, and I'm moving to IVF after 4 medicated IUI cycles. Which will be in about 6-7 months from now.

Here's why:

I'm 37. I have a physical disability, and while it's not progressive, as I get older I have a hard time doing things I used to be able to do. My muscles aren't as strong as they used to be.

I don't feel bad about it, it's what's right for me. I don't have time on my side, and there are so many other factors that play into it for me. If IVF is what it takes, then that's what it takes.