etiquette question i guess....

having a discussion at lunch with some co-workers....

is there any "nice" way to decline being in a bridal party?

Message edited 1/26/2009 4:21:15 PM.

Re: etiquette questions i guess....

I think a nice way would be to say.

"I'm truly honored that you have asked me to be part of your wedding day....but in all fairness I just do not think I can do it. I have so much going on in my life right now, as well as monetarily I know I just wouldn't be able to afford it...but more importantly I do not want your BP to suffer because I wouldn't be able to give your wedding the attention that it deserves...and being busy with work/family/other issues, I know I would not be in it the way you truly need me to be."

Re: etiquette question i guess....

ITA w/ above!

Re: etiquette question i guess....

Wow, I was just talking about this yesterday!!!!

I don't think there is, only because I have tried and all the person told me is, I don't care, you are my friend and I want you there (she also let us pick out our own BM dresses, as long as the color was the same, so cost was minimal) at that point I couldn't make up another excuse, so I just had to go through with it

Message edited 1/26/2009 4:32:19 PM.

Re: etiquette question i guess....

i guess it depends on what the actual reason for not being in it is. If its because you don't really like the person, then no, there is no nice way of saying it without lying. But if its due to a financial situation or not having the time, the other person should understand. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't feel a little hurt, but i don't think they should feel angry.

Re: etiquette question i guess....

I think there is. We had 2 people back out of our BP, one on each side. One backed out because her father was dying and she just couldn't think about anything else. Of course, I completely understood and was supportive. Another because he was married and divorced previously and felt awkward standing up there. We understood he had his own reservations about it.

I guess it has more to do with the bride and groom than the person backing out. I'd rather someone back out than not follow through on their responsibilities and make things more stressful for me and for them. As long as they came, I was happy. Others may be hurt by someone backing out, no matter what reason they have.

Re: etiquette question i guess....

Re: etiquette question i guess....

I had someone decline being in my BP. She had just graduate med school and was doing her first residency. I understood, as she said she would feel bad if she had to miss things like picking out dresses, the bachelorette party and the shower. However, part of me is still a bit offended. We've been friends since 6th grade, and no matter how nice she was about it, I think it would have hurt no matter what.