DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

I am at my wits end. I just broke down sobbing in front of my children because they are awful to each other. DS is older and I always thought he'd be an amazing brother. She loves him to pieces but as a 2 year old she takes his toys etc and he goes NUTS. The scream at each other and hit each other constantly. I feel so sad and disappointed and like I'm failing as a mom. I pray as they get older it gets better but for now I am devastated. Not sure what I'm looking for but needed to get that out

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

Sorry, you are going through this. My only advice is be strong and separate them.

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

You're definitely not a failure!! I'm 4 1/2 years older than my brother and we used to fight like you describe. We are now super close and hang out a lot. Sorry you are going through this, but I don't think it will affect the relationship they will one day have.

Have you tried incentives for them to share? Especially with your DS bc he's older? I only have a Dd, but DS is on the way and I'm sure I'll be where you are in a few years!

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

Ours are closer (almost 2 and 3.5).
The toy "sharing" is always an issue.
We try to separate them in different rooms and give separate toys to play with!

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

My best suggestion is this: have each of your children pick a character they love. Find a small 2 inch picture of each of your DC favorite characters and print out lots of copies. Cut them into individual pieces. Place copies of DS picture in one envelope and DD in another. These will serve as "tokens". Then give each of them an empty jar or a different envelope so there is no confusion. Tell each of them when they are caught being nice to each other, sharing, or just sitting together without bothering each other, they will get a token to put in their jar. It is best to write these expectations down and review often since your DC can't read them. They can earn tokens individually as well. Ie: if DD takes DS toy and DS asks for it back nicely, or better yet, shares it, he will get a token (or two if you can tell there was a lot of restraint for him not to get mad). If DD doesn't listen or argues she doesn't.

Before starting this, let EACH of them pick an incentive to work for and set an amount of tokens the items are worth. (They should be worth the same amount of tokens, but work independently to earn it. Having them work together at this time may make things worse if one earns faster than the other.) when they get to the token amount they get their incentive...then you repeat. 2.5 years is typically the youngest I will set up a system like this for my patients. Believe it or not, usually the younger sibling does better with these because they don't try to find loopholes like the older kids.

This teaches them that working together is a good thing. Simply separating them would be reinforcing and likely increase these behaviors.

Good Luck.

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

I have twins so it may be different but if they can't share I take the toy away.
If they can not take turns I will give them one chance if not I take the toy until they are ready to share.
It took a while but they get it now. A lot less fighting

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

Posted by IVFmiracle

My best suggestion is this: have each of your children pick a character they love. Find a small 2 inch picture of each of your DC favorite characters and print out lots of copies. Cut them into individual pieces. Place copies of DS picture in one envelope and DD in another. These will serve as "tokens". Then give each of them an empty jar or a different envelope so there is no confusion. Tell each of them when they are caught being nice to each other, sharing, or just sitting together without bothering each other, they will get a token to put in their jar. It is best to write these expectations down and review often since your DC can't read them. They can earn tokens individually as well. Ie: if DD takes DS toy and DS asks for it back nicely, or better yet, shares it, he will get a token (or two if you can tell there was a lot of restraint for him not to get mad). If DD doesn't listen or argues she doesn't.

Before starting this, let EACH of them pick an incentive to work for and set an amount of tokens the items are worth. (They should be worth the same amount of tokens, but work independently to earn it. Having them work together at this time may make things worse if one earns faster than the other.) when they get to the token amount they get their incentive...then you repeat. 2.5 years is typically the youngest I will set up a system like this for my patients. Believe it or not, usually the younger sibling does better with these because they don't try to find loopholes like the older kids.

This teaches them that working together is a good thing. Simply separating them would be reinforcing and likely increase these behaviors.

Good Luck.

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

Thank you for the suggestions and responses everyone. This is so hard I pray it's a phase. They are such awesome kids and just want them to love each other.

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

Posted by cj7305

Thank you for the suggestions and responses everyone. This is so hard I pray it's a phase. They are such awesome kids and just want them to love each other.

Re: DS and DD (2 & 5) fighting relentlessly-Help

no real advice as I am not there (yet) with my 3.5 year old and 9 month old but...

I have three old brothers (7, 5 and 2 years older) and we all fought RELENTLESSLY. Like, we were BAD to one another. Physical, emotional etc. My parents both worked - there was no ref.

Now, we are so close. We love each other more than anything.

I think many if not most go through this, not that that makes it easier but it is normal.

You are not failing them, you are raising two very strong willed children. Keep trying. One day, it will click and things will get better!