Do your parents and/or ILs

buy toys for your DC but insist that they stay at their house as opposed to you bringing them home?

I never experienced this a kid so I'm not sure if I am just being critical about it. I think its manipulative and mean. My ILs do this and right now its not an issue b/c DS is 1 but I can see it being a problem when he gets older. I mean if my MIL gives him a toy, he falls in love with it and has to leave it behind.....I just think its mean to do that to a child. DH thinks its no big deal and his Grandparents did this.

I would def like to hear all opinions.

Thanks.....

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

Yes! My IL's do this! In fact, just today, I met my mil at the park with my kids & she comes with a really cool bubble gun in hand & then told my 3.5 year old that she will keep it at her house for when he goes over there. He only goes over there once every 2 months or so. I find this so obnoxious but what can I do?

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

Just wait until he cries about it one day, and then tell him in front of MIL that MIL said the toy HAS to stay at her house...I'm sure at that point the guilt will make her see the error of her ways!!

The concept of keeping toys at grandparents house is a good one, but iMO, it should be you that decides which toys to keep there. (Unless your ILs have other grand kids and have a toybox full of toys for all of their grand kids). I keep toys at my moms bc we go their a lot and its easier to have stuff there that Dd likes to play with. But if its a new toy/gift, I think it's a little silly to make your DS leave it behind.

Message edited 10/20/2013 10:23:51 PM.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

My ILs do this too & I thought it was a little strange.
It's one thing if they take her for the day & buy her something specifically to use there (like a little couch) but otherwise I would think the parents should decide where it goes.
Like those loud obnoxious noise making toys &
those ugly scary looking dolls should most definitely stay at grandma's

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

My in laws do this and I found it strange too. However, if my kids ask they do let them take it home. There are no other grandchildren beyond my kids. If there were, I would 100% understand wanting to keep a few toys at their house for all of the grandchildren to play with.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

Both sets have toys at their houses and they are not super strict about them.........99% of the time he ends up bringing it back the next trip anyway.

Same with things like juice cups.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

I think it's a good idea.
My kids have tons of toys... So to have a few like that keeps them new and interesting!
Both my parents and my in laws do this... I like it!

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

I honestly feel like, this is OK if there are other grandchildren. Because they want their own stash of entertainment and want the other kids to enjoy it. However, I also feel like, if your child/children are the only ones... then they are doing it so that LO will want to go there more often. They think it'll lure them/you to visit and that the child will be SOOOO happy at their house and enjoy being at their house because their holding onto the "joy toy". So to me, I don't like that.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

Do your parents and/or ILs

We do keep some toys are both sets of parents houses (Especially my ILS as they watch him 4 days a week) but it's always toys we choose to keep there. Plus we can always swap out toys if DS really wanted to bring something home. There isn't a set in stone toy that has to stay there KWIM?

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

my in laws will buy toys for their house (well more so when DS1 was young, now they have plenty of stuff) and I would actually give them stuff from our house if we rec'd duplicates. But if one of my sons ever wants to bring it home because they want to play with it, they always tell them to and never ask for it back.

My MIL would give my kids anything to keep them happy!

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

My ILs do this (and it's funny because DD is there once in a blue moon)...BUT if she loves something or doesn't want to give it back MIL lets us just bring it home.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

My MIL used to do this with DD. She was an infant at the time and didn't know any better so I didn't make a big deal about it, but it would be an issue now that she's older and grows attachments to toys. My friends ILs do it with her kids too. I don't understand it. I get wanting to have toys there for them to play with. DD has a room full of toys at my Dad's. But he doesn't ask for it. I just bring certain toys there and rotate them out.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

my parents watch my newphew every weekend so they have to have toys at thier house and i am often there with my DD also.

with that said if my mom buys my nephew or DD something and they insist on taking them home she lets them have it. I am acutally the one who is like why would you let them take it now they wont have it when they are over

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

My parents buy my DS gifts and some are for their house. But he's there 5 days a week.

If they give him something he really likes then he can bring it home. Chances are, that toy will be brought back and forth between our house and theirs for several days. He might even sleep with it.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

My parents do this, but my kids don't seem to mind. If they want to bring something home, my parents let them, but a lot of times my parents will just keep things for them at their own house so I don't have to bring stuff with me. They might not think it is strange because they have all of my old toys there as well (kitchen, barbie dream house, country critters house, etc.) and seconds of many of our toys from home (bikes, wagon).

Do your parents and/or ILs

my parents do this, but my DD is 8 months so she doesn't care right now but i can see this becoming a problem!

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

nothing has to stay at their houses but things do...we could always swap things out and DD who is 2.5 has no problems with some toys being there (like her water table and little tikes car). Its never been an issue.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

I am a grandma and I do buy toys to keep at my house for when my grandson comes over. They are there for him to play with, and also any other little ones who come to visit. He is only 18 months, but when he is older if he wants to take anything home with him I would certainly let him.

Do your parents and/or ILs

My MIL will buy toys for herself to keep at her house. Those are separate from the toys she buys for the kids. She likes to have fun toys for the kids too. She does let the kids borrow her toys too though. My Mom is in Florida so it's different.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

My DD is my parents 12th grandchild, so there are sooo many toys at their house already they don't want more! Lol. My in laws will get toys for their house but won't present them to DD as a "gift". It will just be there when she goes. However the last time we were at their house was Christmas so its not often!

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

My MIL does this and I thank her for it because the LAST thing I need in my house is more toys. I think it's a smart idea. Young kids are easily distractible, and older kids are able to understand what is happening, so it's never really been a problem. On the one or two occasions where my DC got attached to a toy, MIL was smart enough to say that of course they could take it home. I suppose your perception of the situation would also depend on your relationship with your parents/ILs.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

Actually I ask both sets of grandparents to not buy DS toys other than birthdays & holidays (personally just think it helps to keep the getting spoiled part under control - grandparents can go crazy sometimes with that stuff). But both have some toys at their house (mainly from past grandkids - or sometimes duplicated of gifts DS got) to keep at their house for DS to play with.

But if he ever asked to take anything home the answer would be a big no on my part. I think its important to teach as early as possible that you cant always have anything you want.

Ive been doing this since he was a baby and never have any trouble with DS asking for things and getting mad or upset if we say no. Honestly I don't think he's ever asked once to take a toy home from either grandparents. He also never asks for things when we go to the store etc.

Message edited 10/21/2013 2:38:06 PM.

Re: Do your parents and/or ILs

Both my parents and MIL have toys at their house for our DC to play with. The toys really stay there but I'm sure if DD pitched a fit they wouldn't mind her bringing them home. I think it's a good idea and the idea doesn't bother me at all, unless of course the kid is begging to take it home.