Do you blame Him?

I strongly believe that God knows when I will get pregnant. I also believe that all the doctors I see and future procedures that I may have to go through were all provided by Him. What keeps me strong is believing that He knows when the time is right, He knows when I will have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

But I have a friend that blames him instead of finding support through him....she sees not getting pregnant as a punishment from Him...and I don't believe He does that...do you?


Please let's respect our opinions on this matter

Re: Do you blame Him?

No, not at all.
When I miscarried, my father's initial reaction was to curse God, he said he couldn't understand why he let something like that happen to me.

I said to my father, "please don't be cursing God, I need him for next time - and there was a reason for this."

Also, as frustrating as this process is - it's a human life. Who am I to think that I should be given such a gift without a little effort?

Message edited 6/14/2007 4:46:00 PM.

Re: Do you blame Him?

Re: Do you blame Him?

When things happen (or in my case "don't" happen), there is a need to place blame on some entity because we want a rationale. We want answers. Sometimes, "it is what it is" and there is no control. It stinks.

Message edited 6/14/2007 9:05:10 PM.

Re: Do you blame Him?

God has blessed me with a beautiful son, and everyday I thank Him for him. But when I had my 1st miscarriage I was, lets say disappointed. When I got PG 3 weeks later I prayed harder than I ever did that this pregnancy would be ok and when I was told I had a blighted ovum, I thought God was punishing me for things I did when I was young. I wavered on my faith and wondered why God wouldnt let my baby be born, why he gives babies to crackheads and people who end up killing them, but not to a family who will love this child.

Then it came to me, God gave me what I could handle. Maybe my baby would have been born with disabilites, maybe my baby wouldnt have made it through delievery. Having this happen to me, has made my faith in God all that much stronger.

Re: Do you blame Him?

When DS was born he was a premie and I prayed and prayed that he would be ok (he was). Then I was told that he needed an operation when he was a year old due to a birth deffect that he had and again I turned to him to help me get through it all.
I firmly believe that GOD is blessing me with what he feels I can handle. When it's my time I know that he will bless me with another child as he did with my DS.

I praise Him everyday.

Re: Do you blame Him?

I really wish I had some faith sometimes. I have lost it all over time.

Re: Do you blame Him?

No, not at all. I don't blame God for anything that has happened in my life. I praise him for the wonderful blessings he has laid in my life, whether I have chosen to take them or not. But I could not blame him for anything. He is not malicious and therefore doesn't deserve blame, in my heart.

Re: Do you blame Him?

wow.. I just read this post and I am crying.. ok so I cried like 3 times today already (my kitchen is being redone and the constant mess and havin no sink is starting to really get to me..off topic..i know)
But anyway I just wanted to echo what a lot of you have said. I don't think god is punishing anyone. Things all happen for a reason and we may NEVER understand those reasons. I have not experienced M/c's or trouble TTC (knock on wood) but I have had my fair share of horror. God never gives you anything you can't handle and every single experience shapes who you are. I think the faith you ladies have written about is beautiful and I wish you all the best of luck with TTC. It reminds me of my FAVORITE poem.. Footprints

Re: Do you blame Him?

I could not agree with you more. I am so lucky -great husband beautiful house I know that God will answer my prayers and yours for happy healthy children as well.. By the way I dont know if you are catholic, but If you are you should know that I was told by someone to wear a pin of ST. Gerard on my bra or underwear she said he is the patron saint of children and mothers and he will bring luck with TTC

Re: Do you blame Him?

Posted by chattycathy

I could not agree with you more. I am so lucky -great husband beautiful house I know that God will answer my prayers and yours for happy healthy children as well.. By the way I dont know if you are catholic, but If you are you should know that I was told by someone to wear a pin of ST. Gerard on my bra or underwear she said he is the patron saint of children and mothers and he will bring luck with TTC

Re: Do you blame Him?

I pray a lot about TTCing. It hasn't happened for us yet but it has only been three months. As I see it, God has a reason why it hasn't happened yet - whether the pregnancy would end up in m/c, birth defect, who knows. The egg that will become the baby we were meant to have is still further down the row. And God will make it happen when it is suppose to.

That said, I hope I feel the same way if we are still TTCing a year from now. I can totally see how you could lose faith over such an important/emotional issue.

Re: Do you blame Him?

I believe God has a plan. We never blamed him for the infertility. DH and I found strength in each other during our trying time. We knew God would bless us at some point, whether it be through adoption or our own miracle. We became closer as I got sick and I wouldn't change that time for anything. We cried often, but knew there was a bigger plan for us.

DH took me to see the Rockefeller tree in December for just a relaxing time, away from the chemo and the doctors. We went to St. Patricks Cathedral and lit a candle for strength. That night I ovulated and our Christmas miracle began. (I had only ovulated 2 times before in a couple year span.) I think God just wanted us to find strength in each other before letting us look elsewhere.

Re: Do you blame Him?

I am NOT religious at all. I dont blame God, I blame myself a lot. I think its MY karma coming back for past things Ive done or said. I was on a "We are not having kids" thing for like 5 years. We were just going to be the couple that didnt have kids and went on vacation and had "toys" instead of children. When people would ask about kids I would shoot them down, "I have nieces and nephews, Im good with that". So fast foward to a year and change of TTC and NOTHING, I blame myslef. Because maybe if I wasnt such a b!tch about NOT having kids maybe now it would be a lot easier for us.

Re: Do you blame Him?

No....I feel like maybe there's a reason why it hasn't happened to us yet.

Re: Do you blame Him?

Thank you ladies for responding...

I feel exactly the way all of you feel..I have 1 year and 2 months TTC and nothing yet. But I have faith that He will bless me with a family, however He sees fit.

I thank Him everyday for the blessings He has given me ..a loving, supportive husband, a beautiful step-daughter, great family and friends, a dream home and the ladies that have supported me here.

So ladies...blessings to you all and keep that faith because there is NO reason why he won't bless you as well even if you are not religious He's still there for you!

Re: Do you blame Him?

Re: Do you blame Him?

i dont blame him but i feel it has been a trying test of faith. This year I have had 2 miscarriages less than 4 months apart. Dh and I go to church every week with dh's family, dh went to catholic school all the way up thru h.s.... I know god must have a "plan" and all, and maybe its because the baby would be sick that it worked out that way, but why could we just be sent a healthy baby from the start. Dh and I and our families were so happy when we got pregnant the first time, then it just shattered. We were extremely nervous the second time praying it wouldnt happen again, and we finally breathed a little when we saw the heartbeat and had a picture we could show for it. Then we were crushed two weeks later(this week actually) when I lost it again. I just start to feel numb from it when i think of how bad we want one and the losses we are going thru.

Re: Do you blame Him?

Re: Do you blame Him?

I'm not TTC right now, but I wanted to share a story with you (it's pretty long, I apologize) . . .

My step-sister and her husband, who are devoutly Catholic, was having a lot of trouble conceiving. She had been trying to for two years to no avail. It was the first time EVER, that I had heard her even THINK about questioning her faith. It was an incredibly tough time for her. They had gone for tests, and done charts and natural family planning. They had learned that she was (and this is how she explained it to me) allergic to her husbands sperm. She couldn't biologically conceive his children. She was devestated at first. They accepted it and moved on. They prayed and she reflected on everthing. They decided to adopt. They started the process and had gotten amost everything done, when the girl - whose baby they were adopting - came to them and said, "You know, people pay a lot of money for babies." Now, my step-sister and her husband don't have much money. Eventually the mother decided not to let them adopt. Again, my step-sister was devestated. We didn't know what to do to make her feel better.

They had formed a prayer group at their church, focused on the beatification of St. Gianna. About a month later, she called me to tell me that I was an Aunt. A baby had been born, that wasn't wanted and because she and her husband had been through the process and had all of their investigations done (and they knew someone at the hospital) they were the first ones called. They named my neice, Gianna.

Two weeks later she found out she was pregnant.

My step-sister and brother-in-law now have three children.

ETA: Two of the children are adopted.

Message edited 6/15/2007 2:35:43 PM.

Re: Do you blame Him?

Re: Do you blame Him?

Re: Do you blame Him?

I am a very faithful person. When I became pg I was thrilled and thanked Him every minute!! Then when I found out I had a m/c I was absolutely devastated...I didn't question Him but I cried to Him a lot telling Him I couldn't handle it and wondering why it was happening to me. Now that I am TTC again this month I know it is beyond my control but I can't help but wonder if this is my time...dh keeps telling me that if God wants us to have a baby now it will happen. I do want a healthy child and pg so I will wait until I can have one but it is so frustrating!! I know that I am not alone though and that really helps!!