Did I Overreact?

So today, we were going to go to the beach for a couple hours. I have friends coming to visit later this afternoon, and we need to pick them up from the train, so this morning was our family time for the weekend.

Anyway, when it came time to get dressed, DS refused. Changing his diaper and putting on his clothes has become a MAJOR battle. We've tried to make it fun, involve him in the undressing and changing, give him warnings that it's almost time to get dressed, etc. But none of it seems to help. So today we told him he was getting a time out if he couldn't get dressed. He wound up getting a long time out, which didn't really seem to work, so we wound up leaving him alone and letting him scream and cry until he calmed down. By the time all this was over, it was too late to fit in a decent beach trip. Plus, I told DH I thought DS needs a consequence to his actions--he wanted to go to the beach, but he couldn't get dressed in time, so he's not going to the beach. DH thought we should go for an hour anyway, and now he's mad at me for ruining our family time.

So was I right to say no beach? I have to say, DS has been an angel after the upset about missing the beach wore off. Any suggestions for a way to better handle this since this is an issue that comes up every day, several times a day.

He is 31 months--makes me miss the days when resisting a diaper change involved mere wriggling and a little crying. This is impossible. He knows how to use the potty by the way, but he refused to use that or the toilet now, so diapers it is.

Re: Did I Overreact?

I am not there yet but in this case I don't think the punishment fit the crime... I know it's tough, DS gives me a very hard time with changing diapers and getting dressed sometimes, but in the end I am stronger than he is and we just get it done. It's not something I'd give a time out for at his age (22 months) but for your DS time outs might work better. Still, missing beach time seems a bit too severe for not wanting to get dressed.

Re: Did I Overreact?

I am at a loss as to what to do actually. The time outs don't seem to work in this case, and while I am stronger than him, he is crazy strong when he's worked up. There is no way I can restrain him enough to change him without possibly hurting him. People don't believe me, but when he is mad, he is strong and very wiry, very clever about getting out of your grip. So it's not really an option. But I appreciate your input!

So, I thought the loss of a privilege may make an impact, but maybe this was too strong.

Any other suggestions? I'm really at my wits end, and I hate having this battle several times a day.

Message edited 7/4/2010 12:08:07 PM.

Re: Did I Overreact?

I would have probably done the same thing because would it even be worth it to go at that point?

Time outs wouldn't work for my DS either so I don't have any advice for you

Message edited 7/4/2010 12:19:39 PM.

Re: Did I Overreact?

I'm not a BTDT, but for some reason I feel like I will have same issues.

I would have handled it exactly, and then whimpered to myself about the loss of family time. IDK if there is a better way to handle it.

just wanted to give you some

Re: Did I Overreact?

Have you tried posing it as a choice? Like, do you want to wear this shirt or this one? My DD is only 5 1/2 mos so I have no personal experience on this at all but I have read that children start wishing for control about his age and that sometimes it can help to pose things as a choice so that way they're in control.

Re: Did I Overreact?

I don't think you overreacted and it's important that if you put a consequence out there that you follow through. I have sucked at this and it is coming back to haunt me with my almost 5 year old.

Re: Did I Overreact?

I would have done the same thing. DD is testing me non-stop!!! She is always getting time-outs simply for not listening. 2 minutes at a time (she's 2 yo).

If you ran out of time, there is nothing you can do. Next time, he will remember. And you can use this instance as an example.

I know how frustrating it is.

Re: Did I Overreact?

I don't think you overreacted at all. Because your DS is old enough to understand the connection between not getting dressed and not going to the beach, IMHO, what you did was appropriate. If the time-out had worked, there would have been no need to take the extra step, but since it didn't you needed to take action and get a result. I think you handled it beautifully, and hope I have the same resolve with my little one when the need arises.

Re: Did I Overreact?

Re: Did I Overreact?

I think you did the right thing.

Re: Did I Overreact?

We have this problem here some days. For whatever reason some days DS decides he only wants to wear underwear or only a shirt and underwear or even just pjps and will not get dressed and will actually take off of him what I put on him. It makes me NUTS. Like you describe your DS it b/c literally impossible. Basically I do what you did. I tell him if he doesn't get dressed he is staying home and we are going without him. It always works but, sometimes quicker than others. A few times I have actually pretended to take his sister and open the door to the garage to leave b/f he will put on his clothes (or let me do it). It's a fun age So yes, I think you did what you could

Re: Did I Overreact?

At that age I feel they should get dressed without that much of a fight (at least MOST of the time). He was IMO not listening and not cooperating when he needed to. If a warning , then a time-out didn't work I'd have to move on to taking something away. Unfortunately today it was the beach. I say you are doing the right thing. I'm sure you know, but never threaten with something you won't follow thru on and be consistant and things will get better. I think you handled it fine

Re: Did I Overreact?

Re: Did I Overreact?

I don't think you overreacted. I haven't gotten to this point yet with DS but I can see it happening. If that is what you threatened and it was conviently too late anyway, it kind of worked to your advantage. He knows you mean business and now will probably think twice (at least for a little while) before not cooperating.

Re: Did I Overreact?

You did not overreact. You gave DS a natural consequence for his behavior. He refused to get ready for the beach, therefore he missed out on the beach. It stinks that you all had to skip the beach and family time, but as parents these are the sacrifices we sometimes have to make.

Re: Did I Overreact?

Re: Did I Overreact?

Thanks for all the replies! I haven't been on here all week, so that's why I didn't reply sooner. The validation helps--I do question whether I am being fair or too harsh sometimes, esp. when DH disagrees with me.

I have to say, for this whole week, I have had no trouble changing him or getting dressed. A little dragging of feet here and there, but nothing serious. DH had a hard time with him a couple times, but I have not. Which is interesting. So I think it worked.

Taking away the beach also stunk because I wanted to go! But it was worth it for at least one week of peace in the changing dept., hopefully it will stick or a mere mention of this will bring him around.

Thanks again for all the support!

Message edited 7/10/2010 3:48:58 PM.