Daycare moms, how would you react?

I am a SAHM who is going back to work in January. I just started looking into daycare for my 2 boys. I visited with one today, and while I liked the center, something really bothered me. Looking back, I am not sure it should have. We were looking at the playground, and I noticed a man helping children up and down the slides, chasing them, etc. I knew he wasn't an employee because he wasn't wearing the staff shirt. I asked the director who he was. She said he was a father of one of the children. The parents are going through a divorce, so he likes to come play with his son since he doesn't see him as much now. I am not sure she should have shared all of that personal info with me, but that is not what bothered me. He was there to play with his son, fine. But he wasn't playing with his son. The teachers kept saying, "xxxx go play with daddy, he is here to see you". And the kid just kept on playing on the other end of the playground. So, this father is playing with other people's children, at one point he had a child on his lap. I found this WEIRD. But, maybe I am overreacting? It was not because he was a man. A mother whom was a stranger to me, I wouldn't want my kid on her lap either. Or being pushed on a swing by her. It just makes me uncomfortable. And generally, I am the most laid back mother ever. The teachers had to keep telling the kids to not play with him, he is here to play with xxxx. Shouldn't the father have been focusing on his son, who he was there to see in the first place?? I really liked the place, except for this one thing. WHat do you think?

Daycare moms, how would you react?

I am a very laid back parent and yes, this would bother me. The staff they employ has background checks done, fingerprints done, etc. You have no idea who this guy is.

If Dad wants to spend time with his son, don't send him to daycare that day and do something else. They shouldn't be bringing their family drama into this situation.

Daycare moms, how would you react?

I would not be ok with this. The only people who should be playing with my kid are the workers. As pp said if the dad wanted to hang out with the kid then the kid should not be at daycare.

Daycare moms, how would you react?

Wow I would not be ok with that either. They shouldnt allow him in to play with his son. That is not the time or the place.

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

Yeah that's weird. If the dad wants to spend time w his kid, take the kid home and hang out- don't do it at day care

Daycare moms, how would you react?

That would definitely bother me too. It's completely inappropriate for him to be doing this - the center shouldn't allow it. I would probably not use them.

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

I agree with what everyone else has said, that is super weird and inappropriate. I would not be using that center, sorry. That shows a huge lack of judgement on their part and I'd wonder what other questionable things they might be doing.

Daycare moms, how would you react?

could be innocent..or not

like anything else related to your kids ---------- go with your gut instincts. they rarely steer you wrong.

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

As someone who has worked in child care, I am SHOCKED that this is even allowed.

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

I would not like that at all!

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

I think that's completely unacceptable.

Daycare moms, how would you react?

Not normal...

Daycare moms, how would you react?

If he was there and just playing with his own kid that could be different. On the flip side is it possible he knows the other kids or was he playing with all of them? DS and a friend's DS go to the same daycare. There are times she has picked up/held and held my DS and I have done the same with her DS. If someone from the outside saw this they could think that the daycare was just letting some random pick up other people's babies.

Odds are it is innocent but if you are uncomfortable with it you should go with a different facility.... Or if you really like the facility I would ask them what their policy is on parent visitation and tell them you would be uncomfortable with a stranger being allowed to play with your child.

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

hmm...im not going to say i think it normal but i will tell you that i dont think its utterly bizzare.

when my son was in daycare ~ the kids in his class would always greet me and grew to see me as familiar face. there was more than one time when someone elses child came to sit on my lap, wanted a hug or i comforted when they were crying.
with that said i am guilty of being a lingering mom. it would take me 15 mins to drop my son off and 20 to pick him up.

i think i was a friendly face they grew to recognize and a little bit of a novelty. young kids like to "show off" their art work, songs, or just babble on about what ever and i would entertain it all.

truthfully - daycares sometimes go thru so much staff turn over with employees since most are young and aren't paid much. you might find you may have the same feelings about a new teacher as much as you did this father. after you get to know some of the kids and their parents it may not seem so strange.

also - take the feelings of the child whose parents are divorcing. he may be dealing with a lot and who knows why he wasnt hanging with his dad. i actually think the fact that the dad is coming there to see him and try to spend time speaks volumes about the type of parent he is.

personally - i wouldn't let this effect my opinion of the school.

also - i wanted to add that the environment in a daycare is less rigid than a school. they try to create a "family" atmosphere and truthfully i was always happy about the fact that they encouraged me to stop in and see him if i was having a bad day (or if he was) my son was there for 50 hours a week - this is also why i would "linger" and develop relationships with the teachers/care givers & other students & parents. he was seeing a lot of them and i wanted to know who they all were.
good luck!

Message edited 9/25/2013 10:40:30 PM.

Daycare moms, how would you react?

Like Tricia - I'm a lingerer, especially when my kids were under 18 months (I think the teachers like having people to talk to). When I pick up my 18 month old, I usually end up with a few kids wrapped around my legs (I think one time the teacher was going to give me the wrong kid to take home since she was a sub and the other kids seemed happier to see me than mine!)

That being said - if he's upset he doesn't see him as much, why doesn't he take him out of daycare to do special things? Based on traditional daycare nap schedules, I"m assuming this isn't just a lunch hour thing...

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

It would concern me that the center is not following strict rules.
My daycare would never allow that.
If they are lax on that, what else are they lax on?
I am not saying the guy is a creeper or anything-I just don't like that they are lax on rules.

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

I am not a daycare mom and this seems very strange to me.

Daycare moms, how would you react?

Listen to your gut. If you were ok with it you wouldn't be asking. Your gut won't steer you wrong

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

My DD daycare is at my DH office building so he is in charge of dropping her off and picking her up. Sometimes he goes on his lunch break to visit. He interacts with all the kids in her class. He talks to them, plays with them and helps out sometimes. On the rare occasion I'm there I do the same. He knows all the parents in the class. I've met a few and make it a point to talk with them.

I'll be honest. When I go to her DC she doesn't really pay attention to me. The other kids do. It's like "Hey I don't see you often. Wanna hang out?

Daycare moms, how would you react?

kinda torn also....sitting on the lap is weird to me. I could see pushing a kid on a swing. I interact with DS daycare class and say hello and would play with them with a toy - but i would never hold any of them. That's just inappropriate IMO.

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

Wow - I am surprised by all these answers! My dd is in daycare and sometimes I drop in and play with the kids. I hold the babies, I play with the older ones, read stories, help then with lunch/snacks. They all know me and run up and hug me when I pick up and drop off my dd. I have relationships with some of the parents, too. Other parents do the same and I don't mind it at all. I guess we are a smaller, more community type of daycare.

Daycare moms, how would you react?

I am in a pretty big daycare facility, and I am also not too shocked by this story. I am also a "lingerer" at drop off and pick up (nice to have a relationship with the teachers who spend so much time with DS) and the kids are all really friendly towards everyone else's moms. Often I will get a hug from a kid who isn't mine, and I know my son hugs other moms. When he was little, I would go over during lunch and other kids would visit with me also.
I don't think this would bother me. But if it did bother you, you should probably go with your gut.

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

Besides the creepiness or lack of discussed by PPs, some other things that might bother me:

From your account, it didn't seem like this was a normal drop off or pick up time. It sounds like the daycare was allowing a parent to pop in at a random point in the day and linger. This seems potentially disruptive to the routine not just for that dad's son, but the other kids too. Maybe this is a normal practice at daycares, I don't know. If it was I don't think I would like that.

The other thing that is potentially an issue is that the DC is put in an awkward position. Who knows what the custody arrangements are for that dad and his ex. Maybe the mother doesn't even know the father is going to DC to see the son, and now the DC is put in a position of possibly allowing visitation that wasn't agreed upon by the parents. I would hope the DC has told the mother, but who knows.

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

Re: Daycare moms, how would you react?

Like a PP said, trust your gut - it's never wrong. If it makes you uncomfortable, cross it off your list.