Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

So I'm a writer, who works for a fantastic editor that is very accommodating, laid-back and easy to work for. I love her! That being said, she does not have children, does not really like children, and is definitely not in tune with the needs of working moms (she once asked our photo editor, who was out on maternity leave with her first child, if she wanted to come back a week early to fly across the country and handle a story, and she was completely shocked when she said no!).

Anyway, I'm her "right-hand man" at work, so to speak . She counts on me for a lot and we have a wonderful relationship.

I think she's taken my being pregnant very well, but I can tell she's terribly worried about my being out on maternity leave.

She's already initiated conversation about it and told me that she's happy to work with me on whatever I need.. more restricted hours, working from home more often etc. She then followed that up by asking me if I had to take the whole three months maternity leave my company provides. I said yes.

Okay, that's the back story, now my dilemma:

My company offers 12 weeks paid maternity leave. I plan to save at least two weeks vacation time to tack on to that (I'm due Nov. 1). That will bring my paid time off to 14 weeks.

I have the option to take up to six months off, I just won't be getting paid after 14 weeks. I'm not concerned about not getting paid for the remainder of the time, but I am really concerned about being away from work for that long.

We have five big projects next year and if I stick to my 14 weeks I won't miss any of them. If I take the six months, I will miss one and a good portion of another one. These projects are when my editor counts on me the most.

The problem is, I just don't know how to expect I'll feel or when I'll be ready to go back. I'll always be a working mom, staying home permanently is just not for me, but is 14 weeks enough time with my baby before returning to work? Will I want six months?

I know I have to make this decision based on what's right for me and my family and not worry about work. They will survive without me and I'll have a job to return to (though I can't help but worry about someone else doing my job for that long and what my standing will be when I return). I also think my boss will be more accommodating schedule-wise if I get my butt back faster. But is 14-weeks enough time?

Oh, and just so you have all the facts, when I do return to work, I'll be working four days a week in the office and one day from home. On Mondays, I'm in the office for about 12 hours, so it's a really long day. I work in the city.

If you've read all this, thank you so much. I'm so torn over what to do. My baby comes first and I don't want to go back too soon. It's just so hard to gauge how much time I'll need/want before I'm ready. I'd love to hear BTDT moms who balance career and motherhood.

TIA.

Message edited 7/18/2012 10:24:01 AM.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I'll base my answer off of the time I got after having DC. I got 6 weeks unpaid. That's it. It was not enough, I felt like I needed more time. 14 weeks would have been plenty of time for me, especially if it was paid.

In your situation, I would not take the 6 months. But that is based on what you have told us about your job. Any different job, I might say take the 6 months.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

It's obviously a very personal decision. For me, if I loved my job, which is sounds like you do, I would return after 14 weeks. My situation is different because I own my own business and only work part time, but I returned to work after 3 weeks with my first DS and 4 weeks with my second DS. And I was really ok with it.

Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

You won't know whether 14 weeks feels like enough for you until you hit 13.5 weeks. Many women go back and never feel like it's enough time....but it is. With my first, I took 15 weeks. As much as I wanted longer, I did feel mostly ready, and more importantly I felt like my baby was ready. With my second, I did not feel that way. DD2 was colicky and I don't think she was ready to be apart from me that long, and I certainly felt like I needed to be with her more. As luck would have it, I had some post partum complications, and actually had to take more medical leave, and ended up getting 5 mths. At the end of that time, I felt ready.

If you are going back, it doesn't really matter whether it's 3 months or 6 mths (except for nursing/pumping--because pumping at work is hard, but doable). If I were in your shoes, I would have a talk with your boss. I would tell her you had planned on taking 6 mths, but you are concerned about the projects you would miss and being out of work for so long. I would say I'd like to come back at 14 weeks, but maybe 4 days per week until 6 mths, or maybe 2 days per week at home until 6 mths, or shorter days until 6 mths....something like that to show you are invested in your career and willing to make sacrifices, but you are still invested in finding the right balance as well.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

It is a personal decision as to how much time is enough.

I was ready to run out of the house at 3 weeks but that was because I had an extremely colicy baby that cried 24/7.

I went back at 8 weeks and loved beign back at work. It is now that my DS is almost 7months and crawling and trying to walk that I really miss him and wish I could be home a bit more.

I too work in the city and wish I could find a job on LI but unfortunately chances are I will be a commuter for life.

You probably won't know how you feel until the baby is born and you see how life is at home. I also travel for work....not often but a few times a year. My first trip after leave was when DS was 12 weeks. It was tough but a necessity of my job and we cannot live without my job (DH's yes).

I would just play it all by ear and maybe go back part time after the 14 weeks.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I don't even know what to tell you...

On the one hand, I know how I felt, and based on that, I can guess how you're going to feel. When you're at that 12-14 week point, you'll probably want that 6 months. I definitely did, especially with my first. That wasn't an option for me - my 12 weeks were mostly unpaid as it was.

But wants and needs must be balanced and reality must be faced. Being a SAHM isn't for you long term, and you don't have a job like I do, you have a career. I say suck it up and cry like the rest of us do, but you should probably go back at 14 weeks.

I'll be happy to meet you for lunch so you can cry on my shoulder..

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I went back after 12 weeks to a REALLY demanding job. The actual circumstances of my crappy job led to a lot of stress. But that but said actually going back at 12 weeks was probably better for ME. If I had waited longer (not that I really had the option) I personally would have found it MUCH harder as DS would have been much more aware of me leaving.

Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

You already know that it's a personal decision and it's based on what's right for you and your baby.

With that said, I took 14 weeks off for maternity. At about 12 weeks, I was ready to go back to work and wanted to go back. It's not that I didn't love my child, but that I was getting antsy and longed for more of a balance and for adult interaction and a different sense of accomplishment. Right before I did go back, there was a part of me that wished that I didn't have to but it's normal. If I had waited longer to go back, it would've been significantly harder.

You sound like you love your job and that plays a key role in your decision. I say to play it by ear for a little bit and then decide because you won't really know how you feel until you're there. If anything, talk to your boss and see if for 6 months you can work an even more modified schedule (maybe 2~3 days in the office) while you transition back.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

It's hard to say how you'll feel then. With ds1 I was so overwhelmed. I did stay home for six months but at the end of that I was dying to return- but really I think it was more about me not knowing how to deal with a needy baby all day. With ds2 I became a SAHM while I was preg. Ds1 was like 14 months and I missed him too much and felt like I was missing too much.

I also thought I would be a lifelong career mom but things just changed for me. I spent a million years getting a doctorate etc. so I thought my work would play a bigger role (who knows, maybe it will in the future), BUT one big difference for you is that it seems you love your job, which I didn't. Maybe if that were different for me I would have tried harder to find a balance, idk.

Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I took 12 weeks and just about all of it was unpaid. Honestly, for me it was enough time. My maternity leave was horrible. DD was colic and I had PPD and really struggled through it. Things got much better for me when I returned to work. But others will tell you that even 6 months wouldn't be enough time for them. It's completely a personal choice. Is there a way to take the 14 weeks and then decide closer to the end of that if you'll take the 6 months?

Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I'll be in the minority - if your job is secure and you can afford to stay home for 6 months, do it. I've never met anyone who regretted a long maternity leave, myself included (I took 11 months, 9 unpaid). Good luck!

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

You won't really know if it's enough time until the time comes. I took 6.5 months with DS. I don't regret it but I will not do that again. But I only went back part time. Personally, if you have a good work/home life balance I think 14 weeks is enough. But it's a personal decision and up to you.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I had 12 weeks and then extended 2 weeks with my boss' ok (partial sick time, partial work at home.)

it was enough. are you ever truly ready to go back to work, maybe not. but after having a colicy baby, no car (b/c at the time we only had one and DH took it every day)..i was ready to get back to being with adults. as sad as I was to leave him, it felt good to get back into the routine.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I agree with pretty much everything everyone has already posted.

My original plan was to go back after 14 weeks.. at around the 8 week mark the thought started giving me anxierty-- As it turns out while I was out on leave my position at work was eliminated so I was lucky enough to get a severance and take advantage of some extra time off.. I ended up starting a new job when DD was about 5.5 months old. I was pretty much ready-- I had started getting a bit bored of the monotony of the same routine daily and felt unproductive etc after being career driven for so many years.. and mind you it was the HARDEST job I ever had being a SAHM.. That being said, although I knew I was ready, I still cried for a week straight at the thought of my maternity leave ending and leaving DD . Basically I think you are ready when you tell yourself you are ready! The fact that I managed to work out a 4 day schedule with decent hours at my new job and the fac that I like it and the day goes by fast makes a huge difference. I agree with PP;s who said you should go for the 14 weeks and then touch base as you are nearing the end to see if you need more time and maybe at that point work out a PT schedule for a while longer.. but reserve the right to stay home for a bit longer if you feel you need to at that time. Good luck! The anticipation of returnin to work was much worse than the actual returning!

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

Is it possible to do something in the middle, more than 14 weeks and less than 6 months?

I started out with 17 weeks (12 paid, 1 vacation, 4 unpaid) and then took an additional 5 weeks and that was the right amount of time for me. But I didn't know that I wanted those extra weeks until the end.

You only get this time when they are young like this once but I understand about being needed at work and trying to balance it all too...for me 20 weeks with DD (I took the 2 weeks off before she was born too) was perfect. I was ready to go back when she was 5 months.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I agree with what everyone else posted. But just wanted to add that for me, I was counting down the days to go back with DS1 after 2 months. With DS2, I go back Friday after 12 weeks and am feeling very depressed over it. I contribute it to the fact that DS1 is now interactive and fun, whereas when it was just him I was bored out of my mind at home! So you won't know how you feel until the time comes. Good luck with your decision!

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I took 6 months with each of my boys -
to me, it was worth it.

However, what if you ask your editor if you can take the 14 weeks and then work part time the remining weeks so you're not completely gone for 6 whole months?

I didn't have the option, with my boss, it was all or nothing. So I took all -

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I took 8 weeks. It was hard to go back but it would have been harder if I took 6 months.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

i'm taking 4.5 months, and am at week 14 now. i feel ready, check email every day, and am anxious about getting back. the reality is, if you take the 6 months, your boss will need to rely on someone else for the 2 big projects, making you dispensable.

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

If money is no option, take the time off.....it will be time well spent, and time with your baby you will never get back again....

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I just had off for 4 months. Wish it was longer. Maybe do 14 weeks and then return PT like 2-3 days for the next few months?

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

This is really going to be different for everyone. I always knew that I wasn't the stay at home type of person, but I did want to take my full 12 weeks of leave. I wound up putting DD in daycare at 10 weeks and going back to work by 11. She was colicky and going back to work was a bit of a relief for me. Now that she's older I wish I had more time to be at home with her, but the beginning was honestly really rough.

Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I would take the 14 days paid and then discuss going part time for the remainder of time with your boss. Personally if your offered to do more time at home with full time status I wouldn't want that. I took 8 weeks and was planning on extending my leave. Something came up and I was actually asked to return early, I didn't, but went back at the originally agreed upon time. Sometimes you just can't tel until the baby arrives. With LO1 8 weeks was plenty. With LO2 I'm still not ready to be working and it's 4 mos lol. I'm in a similar situation except now theres another person out so I can't be.

Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

**14 weeks

Re: Could use your insight into my maternity leave situation. Please help.

I took off 16 weeks and plan to do the same the second time around. My ds was sleeping perfectly at four months and the transition went very well. I also have a very demanding job and I came back just in time for my big projects. My job is very subjective and the thought of another manager handling my accounts was not appealing. In my firm the culture is every man for himself so any little thing I did wrong or someone disagreed with would be plastered all over the place so having someone else involved wasn't something I wanted to do. I went back to a reduced schedule which I love! Good luck!