Colored?!!!

I'm so shocked and kind of angry- I just had to post about this...

I was in a store tonight with DH and we began to chit-chat while waiting on line with a woman. She mentioned that her Daughter is getting married this Summer (she saw my ring and that struck up the convo).

I said oh how nice- so she said how nice the place was, the flowers and the band. I said oh wow! So she said, "There's this one colored man in the band and he is fantastic"

COLORED?!??!?!?!

I was like and didn't mean to get such a shocked look on my face but I was floored... So, I didn't want to be rude b/c, to put things into perspective, this woman was in her late 60's and I really don't think she thought that using this word was WRONG! I say this b/c in the context that she used it, how she said it, etc. She also said it TWICE and like it was "OK".

After, DH and I walked out to our car in shock and we both pretty much agreed that this woman DOES NOT think that using that word is not good and then we felt bad for not saying something but I was just so shocked I honest to GOD did not know what to say!

I just had to vent... Thank you for listening.

ETA: I have to ask-- is this COMMON?!

Message edited 5/7/2007 11:37:55 PM.

Re: Colored?!!!

Am I the only one who is totally floored by this?

I guess I really am naive

Re: Colored?!!!

I recently had a similar experience when we were on our anniversary trip in PA. We had asked a waiter to get our waitress for us because she had been gone a while and he replied with "the colored girl?" I said, "the one with her hair up in a pony tail" as I tend not to identify people by race. This was a younger man, probably younger than me, who should have known better and I preferred not to make a scene. It just so happened that the people we had been sitting with were African American and were just as floored as we were. This was PA, not the deep south where it may be more likely to be heard.

HOWEVER, there are many OLDER people who have not yet ventured into the world of political correctness. I know my father used the word "Oriental" instead of "Asian" until he died 2 years ago at 78. I never considered him a racist - right or wrong this was all he knew. I simply used the current term when I was with him so he could be exposed to it. It is very hard to change the ways of people who have been thinking and doing things a certain way for a long time.

Re: Colored?!!!

Really, what other word would she use?
I mean, at her age, I'm sure she doesn't think it's a bad word and in all honesty, it's really not.
She didn't use a slang term and she didn't say African American, but I wouldn't think Colored is a negative connotation.

Re: Colored?!!!

Re: Colored?!!!

My grandparents say that all the time. My grandmother knows its not acceptable anymore, but she has to make an effort to say black or African American, and she has to remind my grandfather (who never really cares if he is behaving in an acceptable maner), but they're in their late 80's.

Message edited 5/7/2007 11:25:26 PM.

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I don't use the term...but for whatever reason, I am not shocked or surprised when I hear someone else say it. Maybe cuz I am a little older and have heard it through my life.

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My Grandma still uses that word...I know now it is not the correct word to use but she is in her 90's. She does not use it in a negative way this is just the word that she uses.

ETA...My Grandma really doesn't even know that it is not acceptable. She is set in her ways

Message edited 5/7/2007 11:28:32 PM.

Re: Colored?!!!

OK, I'm seeing a lot of examples of people in their 80s and 90s... This woman was in her late 60's so I guess that's why I was a little more surprised. B/c if it was someone in their 80s or 90s I would have just thought "well that's b/c of their age" but since she was just gee, 10 years older than my parents maybe that's why I was more surprised.

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My grandparents are late 60s, and that's what they say, too.

Well, mostly Grandpa. Grandma is a little more PC.

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Well, you know what?

I'm GLAD I posted b/c now I see that, apparently, it's not that uncommon for people in that age group to say it.

I guess just b/c I've never heard it before I was so surprised.

Thanks everyone! I honestly feel a little better now-- the whole way home I just kept repeating "colored??" in my mind over and over

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I don't consider colored to be a derogative term. Old-fashioned, yes. My Grandparents used that term until they died. Also - my parents STILL say Oriental...although I roll my eyes I don't think it is necessarily offensive that they still haven't grasped the PC term of Asian yet.

Re: Colored?!!!

Posted by DaniRella

Posted by Goldi0218

I recently had a similar experience when we were on our anniversary trip in PA. We had asked a waiter to get our waitress for us because she had been gone a while and he replied with "the colored girl?" I said, "the one with her hair up in a pony tail" as I tend not to identify people by race. This was a younger man, probably younger than me, who should have known better and I preferred not to make a scene. It just so happened that the people we had been sitting with were African American and were just as floored as we were. This was PA, not the deep south where it may be more likely to be heard.

HOWEVER, there are many OLDER people who have not yet ventured into the world of political correctness. I know my father used the word "Oriental" instead of "Asian" until he died 2 years ago at 78. I never considered him a racist - right or wrong this was all he knew. I simply used the current term when I was with him so he could be exposed to it. It is very hard to change the ways of people who have been thinking and doing things a certain way for a long time.

Wow, interesting and well said.

That's kind of how I felt (because of her age) and HOW she said it- in a way that really conveyed how she felt it was totally normal.

But then I thought to myself "but this is NEW YORK and people talk like this HERE??" just like you thought with PA. I still can't believe that on Long Island people say that-- but again, age comes into play.

My Grandfather says "Hola" to the cleaning lady who is Spanish and I have spoken to him about it and he looked at me like I was crazy- He really thought he wasn't doing anything wrong and that by saying that and "Gracias" that he was being NICE and polite- that they would like him more... He is 84

Interesting though-- TY

Message edited 5/7/2007 11:39:45 PM.

Re: Colored?!!!

BTW, a bit of a hijack here but -

My boss has the WORST habit of speaking to people with foreign accents with an accent himself. And then he uses broken sentences and, if they are spanish, some spanglish thrown in. He's Jewish and American...no accents whatsoever and I know he means well, but it's sooooo embarrassing.
I have never seen anyone take offense to it, though. I think people understand for the most part if someone has good intentions or at least isn't being deragatory.

Re: Colored?!!!

I agree wit what Alicia wrote and I also have the same questions.

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My grandparents used to do the same thing. They would have been in their 80s by now. My uncle who just passed away was 71 and he was still saying those words.

Re: Colored?!!!

Posted by johnsae

Posted by DaniRella

[My Grandfather says "Hola" to the cleaning lady who is Spanish and I have spoken to him about it and he looked at me like I was crazy- He really thought he wasn't doing anything wrong and that by saying that and "Gracias" that he was being NICE and polite- that they would like him more... He is 84

Interesting though-- TY

If the cleaning lady is Spanish how is it offensive for your father to say Hola and Gracias to her? Or, does she speak English and your Father just assumes she doesn't?

Re: Colored?!!!

My grandmother says it all the time (she's 80). She also says oriental. Honestly, I just think it's part of that generation. It's hard when it's something you've just gotten used to.

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Re: Colored?!!!

Posted by johnsae

If the cleaning lady is Spanish how is it offensive for your father to say Hola and Gracias to her? Or, does she speak English and your Father just assumes she doesn't?

Message edited 5/8/2007 8:25:29 AM.

Re: Colored?!!!

I agree with many of the above posters. My grandmother, especially not being born & raised here, still said Negro until I corrected her recently. And she is by no means a racist or using it in a derogatory manner, it is just the "acceptable" word of her time. When I did correct her she opened up a whole dialogue about it & it turned into quite a brilliant conversation.

My FIL, however, is the real-life Archie Bunker & drives me up the wall. He drops all sorts of negative slang just for attention, but then always claims it is OK, b/c he used to have a black friend in the Navy 20 years ago. It is so bad that I have gotten into major fights with him during holiday meals & such. I just hope it does not get passed to my child

Re: Colored?!!!

Posted by Gertyrae

BTW, a bit of a hijack here but -

My boss has the WORST habit of speaking to people with foreign accents with an accent himself. And then he uses broken sentences and, if they are spanish, some spanglish thrown in. He's Jewish and American...no accents whatsoever and I know he means well, but it's sooooo embarrassing.
I have never seen anyone take offense to it, though. I think people understand for the most part if someone has good intentions or at least isn't being deragatory.

Message edited 5/8/2007 8:33:49 AM.

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