be HONEST - did i overreact?

last night my mom called me to invite me out to dinner with her, my dad and an old friend, i told her i couldn't go b/c i had my breastfeeding class.

today i call her to say hi and say how sorry i was that i wasn't going to be able to make it, but i couldn't reschedule... first she tells me that the class is so unnecessary, and i say it's a good thing she's not going... and then she tells me that "they" were laughing b/c it's the "funniest thing" - i asked her who "they" was and she said that she meant herself and my father.

i knew i was going to lose it so i just said "thanks" and "i'll talk to you later" and i hung up the phone on her.

my mom is usually very understanding but when it comes to this baby she expects me so be SO laid back and non-chalant... i haven't been neurotic about anything, but i like to be prepared. is that so wrong?

i am a little mad, but i am more sad than anything that she is being less than 100% supportive... and honestly, it makes me wonder what else she is going to give me grief about when arrives.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

No I don't think you did. I'm sorry she's reacting that way. I would be sad too. I think it's because when our moms had us they weren't as "trained" or knowledgable and prepared and they don't quite get it. My mom is a nurse though so SHE'S the one who wants to go to all these classes with me. Nobody has the right to judge you. The more prepared we are the better.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

I don't think you overreacted at all, I would be upset too. But I think from our mom's perspective, when they had us, people were still drinking and smoking while pregnant and my mom said that breastfeeding was not big when I was born (Neither me nor my siblings were breastfed and I found out most of my friends weren't either). When I told my mom about no coldcuts she laughed and said "they" (i'm assuming she meant the doctors) are pretty ridiculous now huh...

I just think they think this generation is so minding their p's and q's with pregnancy when their generation didn't as much and look at us, we all came out fine. That said, she needs to be understanding of what you're going through now. I'd just do my best to ignore her, I know it's probably easier said than done though.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

I think that all of the stuff that we have to do during pregnancy is very different form our parents generation. Both sets of parents thought it was ridiculous that I had to "redo" my Glucose test because I failed. The doctors took a very laid back approach back then as compared to now. You also have to remember that breastfeeding was not seen the same way it is now as compared to their generation. Just take everythin gwith a grain of salt and remember where it comes from! And honestly, life is too short to be mad at your mom for this!!! There is plenty of time for her to p i s s you off later that is worthy of hanging up on!

Message edited 8/4/2008 11:51:30 AM.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

No, you did not over-react. I think you handled yourself very well, actually. My mom is doing the same stupid stuff. I was semi-complaining that my sister expects me to do so much for her wedding (she has me going into the city 3 differenttimes this month) and doesn't understand how hard it is for someone who will be in there 9th month of pregnancy to do this stuff and simply even get around and my mother lashed back at me saying,"you act like you are the only woman who has ever been pregnant. It is not that big a deal as you make it out to be. When I was pregnant, I did things until the day I gave birth, blah, blah, blah..." I really don't think they understand. It upsets me, too

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

My Mom would probably laugh at me if I told her I was taking a BF class. She had 5 kids, all BF and just can't understand some of the concepts that have arisen in pregnancy/childcare in recent years. She thinks everything is a rouse to make money off of people.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

wow that is pretty harsh I don't think that being prepare for the arrival of your child is funny I am so sorry your family reacted this way I had signed up fpr a bunch of classes that I am not able to make after all but my mom rearranged her work schedule to come with me for a refresher course because her baby (me) is almost 32 and she thought it would be a good idea and she is going to be my full time babysitter...even though she doesn't need refreshment she is a pediatric RN but was making the effort for me b/c that's what they should do...i guess

Message edited 8/4/2008 1:00:36 PM.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

I think it was kind of insensitive to laugh about it, I would tell your mom that you hurt.

My dad actually asked me yesterday if I was taking a birthing class, I was shocked to hear him ask that!
Its true at BF was looked at very differently when we were born, formula was HUGE in those days -there has only been a resurgence in desire and benefits to bf'in in the past few years. I had to tell DH all of this the other day because I think he is listening to what his parents and brother tell him which is along the same lines as what your parents said.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

I don't think you overreacted...if my mom "laughed" about something that I was doing to help prepare myself to take care of in the best way possible, my feelings would have been hurt. I'm sorry she made you feel bad!

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

You definitely did NOT overreact.

And take it from my experience - they will eventually back off. Once they realize you aren't backing down they will start to keep their rude and inappropriate comments to them self. Because they will realize if they don't they are jeopardizing their relationship with their grandson.

Hang in there and always stick to your guns!! Don't let anyone back you down.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

You definitely did not react.We know a lot more now than our parents did then. Most people think that breastfeeding is just putting the kid on the boob and WHAMMO!

I find that when I talk to mothers who had their kids 10, 20 and even 30 years ago, the schools of thought on A LOT of things have changed. 40 years ago, nobody breast fed here, everyone used cloth diapers and most women were almost unconscious in delivery with their husbands pacing back and forth in the waiting room. Times have changed and some people cannot accept that.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

no way...you did the right thing

to her it seems unecessary because she's been there done that! it's important to be prepared and you want to have everything covered - good for you! don't worry about your mom, it stinks that she's not as supportive as you want, but that's what we're here for!

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

thanks everyone my mom actually called to apologize, which was nice, but i have a feeling i am going to be keeping my thoughts to myself until arrives... i figure that's just easier than getting unwanted opinions.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

my mom thought it was unnecessary to have a breast feeding class too!

She also thought it was unnecessary to watch a labor DVD.... Oh, and she keeps saying (I'm an only child) that she had 'no symptoms' while pregnant

It was a different era. She never breastfed me, so she has no IDEA how difficult it is for baby and mama to get the hang of it. She also was completely knocked-out when I was born. As for having no symptoms, she obviously must be forgetful, becuase NO ONE has no symptoms at all (nausea, food aversions, edema, aches and pains, a lot of peeing, hip and back problems)

She was also stunned with all of the testing I've gone through. she had none (at least according to her). she never heard of gestational diabetes and chuckled and muttered it was unecessary when I went for the 1 hour test. lo and behold, guess who has GD....

I don't necessarily think your mom isn't being supportive or doesn't care about your baby and your pregnancy...... I just think she came off being insensitive because she can't relate. I just think they were super laid-back in their day, and find it amusing that we have such 'high maintenance' pregnancies.... after all, we have all the classes, testing, and lifestyle restrictions and they didn't......

oh, and as for your question... no I don't think you overreacted, and I'm glad your mom realized how she came off sounding and apologized!

Message edited 8/4/2008 1:58:01 PM.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

You totally didn't over-react! I had a similar situation with my stepmom [whom I consider my real mom since she raised me]. I told her that I was going to try and breastfeed. She laughed at me [in my face] and was like, "Yeah right, Gabi. I can't see you doing that." I told her, "Thanks so much for your support!!" She then followed up with an apology but it still pissses me off!!

Message edited 8/4/2008 2:10:46 PM.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

Overreact? I don’t know. I hate being laughed at when I am taking things seriously. It annoys me to no end. I probably wouldn’t have hung up on her, maybe. It all depends on your relationship.

If it were my stepmonster, I’d have probably said something short and vague but mildly rude and then rang off with “Well I have baby stuff to do, bye”

If it were my Dad (who I love to pieces but can still annoy me) I’d have actually been a lil more rude (go fig) like “Look, this is something *I* want to do for me and the baby, maybe next (fill in the date) we can do this. Its not like I have much time left before the baby anyway”. And if he kept laughing I’d probably be rude like “Great, glad to know you can laugh at your own daughter, I have no time for this, nor do I find it amusing, gotta go, bye”.

So….. I think overall you reaction was not unexpected. JMHO

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

No you were not overreacting...I've learned something after dealing with my family...just let it go...let's face it..we have enough stress just being pregnant...

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

You didn't overreact at all -
I'm not even pregnant yet and I've spend the last 5 years defending my cousins and friends against ther mothers and my mother's friends who think everything is 'ridiculous' -

It's ridiculous to read the books, ridiculous to buy organic, teach sign language, research on the internet, prepare for anything ahead of time, blah blah -

WHY? B/c THEY didn't do things that way 30 years ago and 'we all turned out fine'? Well, guess what - it's not 30 years ago - And there ARE different ways of doing things - 30 years before I was born there probably wasn't a vaccine for SOMETHING my mother had me vaccinated for, was it 'ridiculous' to take advantage of the knowledge gained since SHE was a baby -

30 years ago they smoked and drank .....should we do that too just b/c "we turned out fine?" .......Please, I could go on and on and on ... - I only hope everyone I've gone to bat for will all come to my defense when I'm pregnant !!

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

thanks again everyone... i am glad to know i am NOT just being hormonal and i have a valid point!

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

Posted by headoverheels

thanks again everyone... i am glad to know i am NOT just being hormonal and i have a valid point!

Posted by MarisaK

30 years ago they smoked and drank .....should we do that too just b/c "we turned out fine?"

i am going to show this to my mom

Message edited 8/4/2008 2:56:11 PM.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

I don't think you overreacted. I think you were nice by hanging up and not calling her a moron. Not that I would have called my mother a moron directly, but when she says stupid things I'm usually obnoxious in my response.

I get told soooo much crap. I read too much. I research too much. Why don't I feed the baby this. Why does her water need to be boiled. Are you sure that's what the doctor said? And I ALWAYS hear "I didn't do that with you."

My standard answer to "we didn't do that and you turned out fine" is you're lucky I didn't die or you could have killed me. I lost my patience with people a long time ago and there's no going back now.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

no you didn't overreact, just wait till baby comes

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

You didn't overreact at all. My mom is very similar to yours it seems--when it comes to the baby, I can tell she's very excited, but she's already second-guessing everything I'm doing ("You're going to pump? At work? How are you going to manage that?").

I would have hung up, too. I can't stand being second-guessed.

Re: be HONEST - did i overreact?

I don't think you overreacted at all, I think you handled it quite nicely. I would've been a biotchh and I probably would've been mean! lololol
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