Any new moms feeling like this?

So dd is 5 months. DH and I will be married 3 years in July. We love each other tremendously and he helps out more than any husband I know. He literally will cook, clean, laundry, help with dd, take care of the yardwork, food shop, pay the bill, plus he works full time in a very demanding job.

So whats the problem right?????? Well I feel like we kind of lost "US". Our lives are so different and basically revolves around dd which I know is normal and we both actually enjoy it but then there is nothing left for us.

I feel like I am not "wanted" by him like I used to be. Almost like we are more of partners than lovers.

All my friends have told me they went through this and relationships have ups and downs and it will get better as we learn to deal with parenthood better.

I guess I am just hoping maybe others fell/have felt like this before or if anyone has any suggestions to get back on track

Re: Any new moms feeling like this?

It'll get better. You just have to make time for each other. Can you get a babysitter? Grandparents live close?

DH is the same way. He does everything too. Now I'm pregnant with #2 and exhausted by 8:30. I just have to make myself stay up a little later for some "us" time.
I think what helped was when we went to a wedding when DS was 6 - 7 months old. My parents watched him so it was nice to get ready and feel pretty, drink and enjoy a night with DH. THat's when it hit us we need to have more time for us. It'll work out.
DS goes to sleep at 7PM so after that we sit and relax together. We used to have a glass of wine or something, but none for me right now.
I'm just nervous it's going to be like that again when #2 arrives, but we all go through phases in life. Our motto is make our children apart of our lives and not our lives.

Re: Any new moms feeling like this?

What you are going through is totally normal. The first year of a childs life is the hardest on a marriage, I believe. You will eventually figure out how to get "You" - as a couple back. You will learn to make time for each other. Learn to do date nights. Learn to shut the computer off and have movie nights once a week. But, it's a learning process and it takes some time till you figure out the new family dynamic that you've created.

You will get it back though!

Re: Any new moms feeling like this?

Definitely. DD is almost a year and I still feel this way. I have kinda accepted it b/c what are you goign to do, you have a kid. I LOVE our new life but it's not easy being that you can't pick and go anymore. You have to make plans that revolve around your children.

Do you go out alone? We don't often but when we do we reconnect. A few weekends ago we have tickets to see a play. We left her with my FIL and went in early had an amazing dinner then they show a few drinks in between. It was awesome. It reminded me the fun we used to have. I wouldn't change my life now for anything. MY dd is my world and I love her to pieces. But you do need alone time.

I say get a babysitter (overnight? If you are willing) and go have fun. Dinner, movie how, drinks with friends. IT will all come rushing back.

Re: Any new moms feeling like this?

Posted by Diana1215

What you are going through is totally normal. The first year of a childs life is the hardest on a marriage, I believe. You will eventually figure out how to get "You" - as a couple back. You will learn to make time for each other. Learn to do date nights. Learn to shut the computer off and have movie nights once a week. But, it's a learning process and it takes some time till you figure out the new family dynamic that you've created.

You will get it back though!

Re: Any new moms feeling like this?

I know exactly how you feel...when she goes to bed we just relax and we are on our laptops and not one word comes out...Its not done on purpose but after an hr I am like wow we haven't said one word lol...I guess we needed some alone time. I have to say things are a little better now, we cuddle more, more , he still holds my hands when we walk or puts his arms around me ... I think after we got used to our routine things for a lot better.

Re: Any new moms feeling like this?

What you are going through is totally normal. I am lucky to have a DH similar to yours....he helps me with DS, lets me sleep in every weekend, cleans, does laundry, pays the bills, and works very hard so that I can stay home and take care of our son. For the first few of months, I also felt a little detached from him. It were as if we both were putting so much effort and giving so much of our attention to DS, we had nothing left over for each other. At night, he'd watch TV and I'd play on the laptop next to him, not even talking.

I found that once DS got a little older, it got better. We started scheduling regular 'date nights' and go out to dinner, for foot massages, etc. That has helped a LOT because it allows us to reconnect.

While we are not back to where we were pre-baby (I don't know if we ever will be), we are in a good place and are very happy.

Don't worry, it will get better!