Am I being a horrible friend?

My BF is turning 40 at the end of this month.( the 21st) My other friend called to let me know they are giving her a surprise party and what my take on it my girlfriends know my situation (a bad pregnancy acid reflux,ulcer I'm just a mess)anyway I told my other friend I will kick in whatever money you need but if I dont feel good I'm not going but if I feel okay I will be the first one there. Am I being a B I T ch for not going?

Message edited 12/11/2007 1:14:16 PM.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

not if you're not feeling well....however, I think since it's a month away it's a bit soon to say "I might not go/depending on how i'm feeling."

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

If this were my best friend, I'd at least put in an appearance, even if I just stayed an hour.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

nope

your health and your baby's health comes first

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

If you've already made up your mind about not going without knowing how you'll feel that day that's pretty shittty.

If you truly do not feel well or up to it that day than do not go, but don't make your mind up about it now... see how you feel.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

Nope. If you're not up to it, you shouldn't go. But it's a month away - maybe you'll feel better by then!

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

Definelty not, your health is more important. You can always so something separately with your friend that is turning 40 when you feel up to it.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

Try to be there. She would want you there. If you feel awful that day, then obviosuly don't go, but really make the effort.

I am biased my BF is preg and blew off my bday recently. It was something that hurt me very much!

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

i don't think you're a beyotch for not going but i agree in saying maybe. you never know - you might feel better in a month and it could be a good time.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

it's one thing to not go b/c you are PG, it's another thing entirely if you have serious health problems.

just say for now that you will be there, then wait and see. if you feel really awful that day, then call to say you won't be able to make it, and send your friend a gift and a card wishing you could have been there.

if you are feeling *mostly* ok, then i would go, if even for a tiny bit. it will mean a lot to her and she will be SO much more understanding when you have to leave early!!

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

I would wait and see how you feel that week before deciding whether or not you can make it.

It sounds as though you're sort of counting yourself out before you really know how you're going to feel. Hopefully in a month you will be feeling better so it won't be an issue and you'll be up to going.

ETA: Remember the power of positive thinking!!

ETA take two - No you're not a horrible friend for not going if you don't feel up to it.

I equate it to if you weren't preggo and just got a stomach flu or something you wouldn't go to this party b/c you didn't feel well.

So IMHO, I don't see a difference between being sick or having a tough time during your pregnancy. At both times you don't feel well... A perfectly acceptable reason for not going.

Hopefully you'll feel better by that point so you can go.

Message edited 12/11/2007 2:48:29 PM.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

I don't see anything wrong with bailing if you aren't feeling well. Your health is more important. And if she's a true friend, she will understand

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

I think you should plan on making an appearance and play it by ear.
If you are really feeling that poorly that you can even make it for an hour, then stay home.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

I am confused why everyone is saying this is "a month away". She is saying it is the 21st of THIS month. 10 DAYS away.

Honestly, Sami, I think your response of "maybe" is entirely appropriate. You should try your best since it is your best friend but the health of you and your baby should be a priority. A good friend would understand this in a heartbeat, especially if they have been through your pregnancy with you.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

Posted by anna

Posted by nrthshgrl

Posted by mrswask

If this were my best friend, I'd at least put in an appearance, even if I just stayed an hour.

I agree. Unless i was on some kind of medical restriction. Just not feeling up to it - a month in advance - seems strange.

I would play it by ear.

I agree. Id be a bit hurt if someone said that a month in advance and if that were the response to such a conversation.

I hope you do feel better aside from that

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

Posted by Superkat

It isn't a month away. It is a week and a half away.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

I think for my best friend I'd make every effort to go unless there was a medical reason that I really couldn't make it.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

No, as long as the only reason your not going is you don't feel well. PG symptoms change everyday, you might be feeling much better by then. Instead of planning not to go. You should plan TO go and then see how you feel that day.

Message edited 12/11/2007 2:49:00 PM.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

ok, week and a half away. same thing (to me).

I agree, pregnancy aside, Ive known people who have ALWAYS had the "well if XYZ and we're all feeling well" and I personally stop inviting those types of people to things.

If youre not feeling well, pregnant or not, you shouldnt go.
Ive been to many functions where I wasnt feeling too great, but Ive just gone to be there for that person..

And we all determine "not feeling well" VERY differently (trust me, Im married to the king of drama )

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

I think you can at least make an appearance .....if you had to be on bedrest or something, that would be a TOTALLY different story, but just 'not feeling well' isn't really an excuse to miss your BFF's 40th party. -
It doesn't make you a horrible friend at all, but your BFF would probably be disappointed -

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

see how u feel then, and if u feel better GO! When that little blessing comes it'll be much harder to get out.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

I don't think your being a horrible friend.
I think you're be cautious. You didn't decline the invite already you just informed someone you may not make it because you haven't been feeling well because of the pregnancy. I think it's understandable.

Don't worry too much about it. I'm sure your BF would understand.

Re: Am I being a horrible friend?

i guess i'm just biased because it took us so long to get PG, after having IF. So, we take extra precaution where others may not.

Definitely see how you feel that day. But, consult with your doctor - since he or she is monitoring the pregnancy. I know a bad pregnancy or a high risk pregnancy requires alot of rest - so take that into consideration and talk to your physician.

If she's truly a good friend, she will understand that you don't want to leave anything to chance