All over the place..

I know there have been several similar posts-- some of which I have responded to, but I just needed to get my feelings out my writing them.

So-- recently, I have kinda started to get the baby itch. I went from not wanting kids for at least for 5 years to really thinking about it a lot. Last night DH and I had a long talk about lots of stuff and he told me he can't wait to have kids-- he never ever said ANYTHING about this to me before-- and I asked him why and he said cause he knows I feel one way or another-- not wanting for a while, being indecisive about when I want to try, etc. He leaves most decisions up to me anyway

The feeling that I got when he said this, I can't explain. The most similar feeling I had was when they opened the doors for me to walk down the aisle at my wedding-- lots of emotions, but all good ones. It was overwhelming.

Anyway-- I don't really feel ready-- and I am relatively new at my job-- I just don't know when is the right time... I am scared, excited-- so many things. I know it will never feel like it's the right time, but I have really started to think about this a lot and it is just so, for lack of a better word, overwhelming.

I am not even sure what kind of responses I expect to get.. I just wanted to vent I guess.

Re: All over the place..

I totally get how you feel. I was all over the place for a while too. Then I really decided I wanted to try about a year ago. But...Dh wasn't ready and we had so much going on. Now the timing feels right and we both feel ready. It just kinda happened.
I think one day you will just know that it is time to try. But to me it sounds like it will be sooner for you than you expected.

Re: All over the place..

It is quite normal for you to feel that way. I was like that at first but now DH and I are both ready. I have a great career and Dh has a good career with a successful business so everything just falls into place perfectly. We are currently TTC and we are both happy and ready for a baby.
Just relax and take it easy and before you know it you will be able to make a concrete and sound decision about TTC. Everything will be just fine.

Message edited 11/24/2006 4:33:58 PM.

Re: All over the place..

I feel you're excitement and confusion. I have two careers and am so independent but after a year and half DH and felt in sync about being ready. Despite my drive at work, being a student, ambitions outside of work I am so at peace and happy about our choice and now that we are pregnant I could not be more sure that this was the best choice for us. And I feel even more empowered to be a working mom and still go after all my goals. You too will know when it is absolutely right for you.

Re: All over the place..

I COMPLETELY understand how you feel.. and yes, you responded to one of my posts about this

Honestly, I feel that one is never ready - and you just have to do it (if you want to). Plus, nine months have a way of preparing you for a baby. For me, life seems to come at me (mba, now new job.. and I keep postponing). But, I also know it will never be THE right time, things always come up! So, if you want to, like Nike says "just do it!"

For me, we now put another stake in the ground April (from Jan) so I can work at my new job for 4 months before trying. Than.. I will not let another thing stand in my way!

Message edited 11/24/2006 7:15:11 PM.

Re: All over the place..

I understand how you feel too but I was the one who was ready when DH was not. I had to wait til he was, as I refused to trick him into a pregnancy he wasnt ready for. IT stunk for me but I had no choice.

Sure things happen that arent planned and they are blessings. BUT I feel it is important that both people are on the same page if a pregnancy is to be planned. You will know when you are ready and it will feel like a sort of relief. You will breathe easy and it will feel right.

Re: All over the place..

thanks girls-- I think the want is there-- but it's just not the right time for a variety of reasons. But, I am also afraid it's never going to feel like the right time-- but, from your posts it appears as though you just know when it's right in the same way you know that you just want a baby in general.

Re: All over the place..

My DH informed me he wanted to wait at least 5 years to even start. I informed him that I simply won't wait that long [very early menopause runs in my family as well as high blood pressure...an aunt almost died from it in her late 30s pregnancy] and put myself at risk. We agreed that my health was more important than his timeline. But neither of us was "ready" to start TTC. So of course a few weeks after this discussion, I found out I was pregnant.
I was in shock for days. Now I'm THRILLED...but at first, so unsure about everything.

As for work, I basically was interviewed days into my pregnancy and found out within a couple of weeks of starting. They are thrilled for me. I work for a rather family oriented company...but still, I was worried how they'd take it.

Message edited 11/25/2006 10:20:10 AM.

Re: All over the place..

I know what you mean about the timing. Its kinda of opposite for us. I was thinking maybe wait a year or two - we got married in April - DH was thinking 5 years, but he knew how I felt. His time has gotten shorter now too as he realizes we are the youngest and we want our kids to enjoy their grandparents. Me - the baby bug hit me big time, but I'm also like you sort of thinking that in a practical sense its not the right time - I'm hoping to switch jobs, we want to take a trip or two, we have an apt. but want a house, etc. - at the same time it seems it is never the "right time" - there will always be something. So - not much help here, but just wanted to say I kinda understand how you're feeling and it is very overwhelming.

Re: All over the place..

Its a hard decision and I am not sure if one can be really ready for it. There is a lot to think about like you said. My DH wanted to start trying as soon as we got married and we waited about 9 months. Now I wish we started trying earlier bc it's taking longer than I thought it would. If you both want kids everything will work out. It seems like people always say it does and it is ultimately the best thing they have done. Good Luck whatever you decide!

Re: All over the place..

randi -

it feels like not so long ago we were drinking blue drinks at a wedding planning event at bloomies... and now we are talking !! crazy. anyway, i hear what you're saying. i've also had a whole mix of emotions when considering trying to conceive. overall they are good emotions, but there is definitely a part of me that is very scared, because all my life i have put my career first. and now i am entering a phase of life where my (hopefully soon to expand!) family comes first, and it is both thrilling and terrifying.

i don't know if there is such a thing as the "perfect" time to have a child. i guess dh and i just reached a point where we knew that we wanted a child beyond all else - so we've decided to go for it and handle any other complications (job, finances, etc) when and if they arise, i.e., we're winging it.

i'm sure that whatever decision you make about your ttc timeline, it will be the right one for you. good luck with everything, and speak soon! alex

Re: All over the place..

I know! It is so crazy what happens in a short period of time.. The amount of "maturing" I have done in the last 4 years is insane.

I cannot believe that this is something that I am seriously thinking about-- part of my mixed emotions is really the shock that I am feeling this way-- it's totally out of character for me-- or rather, a rapid tansformation.

Anyway-- even if we did it soon-- it would not be for another 6 months--after which I will be at my new job for a year. BUT-- my boss left my job like a month ago and said he wanted to take me with him-- if that happens, it will surely mean more $$$, but it would mean that I am at yet another new job come early 2007... I think part of my freaking out is that even though I am in a new job, I am not sure that I am settled. Also, DH has been in the same job since graduating college and I think he will be looking for a new job in the next year as well.

I guess I feel like we don't have roots firmly planted-- despite the fact that I feel like we need to feel a little more responsible as a couple--

Re: All over the place..

Well, for me, timing, career, relationships, divorce, etc... all "interfered" with the baby thing.

I am older (37) and PG with a first child and now realize that there was a chance I could not conceive or it could have taken longer. Of course, some of the circumstances were behond my control and I did not want a child in an unhappy relationship. Luckily, DH and I conceived on the 2nd month we TTC.

Honestly, no one is ever ready for a child. It's never going to be a good time, the right house, enough money,etc. I think you have to be really ready "mentally" as well as your husband. "Be on the same page" is most important.

Re: All over the place..

I don't think you can ever be FULLY ready for a baby. There are so many things that are involved in it. I do think the first step is actually saying outloud that you may be ready and then the rest all falls into place. DH and I went from not having kids for a few years, to a few months, to let's have a baby right now.

Honestly - one of my bigger fears - was worrying about how long it would take me to get pregnant. I was so scared that if I waited a few years because I was not ready - then I would have a hard time getting pregnant. The whole thing is scary really and there are so many emotions you go through. Only you and your DH know what's right for you!