Parents of only children... please come in

Would you mind sharing how you came to the decision of just having one DC?

My DH and I are struggling so bad with this. I am an only child and definitely did not mind it growing up at all! My husband has a sister and loved having a sibling? Is giving your DC a sibling a good reason for having another child? I just don't know.

My parents watch my DS while I work 3 days a week - all day. Is it fair to assume they would watch a second? I just don't know.

If your DC is older, do you ever regret not having more? Does your DC ask why he/she doesn't have a sibling.

We are going back and forth and it's so hard.. so emotional.

Any insight?

Re: Parents of only children... please come in

well...I dont have 1 by choice, I went through a divorce when she was young. I will say that she is 5 and asks often how come she doesnt have a brother or sister and begs me to give her one. makes me feel guilty. I do think there are pros and cons to having just one.

Re: Parents of only children... please come in

Having another child JUST to give your DC a sibling is a terrible idea, IMO. You and your DH have to want that second child regardless.

It wasn't a hard decision for me, really, because I just never got the itch to have #2. I also felt, given my work situation, and what I saw as my own mothering skills, that I'd rather be a great mom to one kid rather than a good mom to 2. (And this is not a slap at women who have 2,3,4 kids. I have friends who do it, and do it really well. I just don't think I could.)

My DC is four and when I've brought up the topic she says she likes being our "only baby." I know as she grows up we will have to make more of an effort to help her create a network of trusted friends; my nephew is a year younger (and may also end up an only) and they have a great bond. I plan to do everything I can to support that as they grow up.

There are many factors to consider- for me, age, health (had issues with my pregnancy), finances, other goals, and experiences I wanted her to have (and things we could not do if there were more kids) were all things we talked about. It helped a lot that DH felt as I do. We both have good relationships with our siblings but I also know people whose siblings have caused them a fair amount of stress and even heartbreak, so there is no guarantee if you have another that they will have the kind of bond you want them to have.

Good luck.

I'm an only child and always wanted two children. this became even clearer to me as i become older and as my parents became ill, it would have been nice to have someone else to go through it with me, though I know just having a sibling doesn't guarantee that.

we have two girls and i'm so glad for them! i know dd1 would have been just fine if she was an only child. i'm seeing now what it means to be raised with a sibling, which is something I never knew...never had the experience...thought I knew more of it but it was just surface level. it is amazing to see how much of a bond our girls have with each other and how much they have learned from each other (they are 23 months apart but are soooo different). they play and laugh together all the time and seek each other out. i love sharing time and experiences with both of them and seeing them experience it together with each other and as a family.

what i'm trying to get at is, i think you know in your heart what you want for your family...what is best and makes your heart feel full. sometimes the hardest thing is blocking out all the noise so you can hear the voice inside you telling you only one or more.

Message edited 9/2/2011 8:25:51 PM.

Re: Parents of only children... please come in

i only have one DD. the decision was made for me. it wasnt my origonal plan...i wanted to have another, but that wont be happening.
I have a lot of things to explain to DD, im sure she will understand growing up why she is an only child.

its a decision that you and your DH have to come to.

Message edited 9/2/2011 9:13:37 PM.

Re: Parents of only children... please come in

My DH is an only child and I am 1 of 3. Although he loved being an only child, we decided we want another. It just feels like it's right. No real explanation for it. Just like you just can't explain the love you have for your child. I do have to say that in my mind, I do feel that we are older parents (had her at 39 and DD 37) so I feel like my DD really needs someone to be her "best friend" I know it doesn't always work that way but she would have more family. My DD's family is really small and mine is not in this country and I don't want her to ever feel alone. I guess everyone has thier own reasons why or why not, and sometimes you just can't explain it. Good luck in your decision.