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luvsun27
Check out my cool glasses
Member since 5/05 8135 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Am I crazy for even considering this?????
I will try to keep this as short as I can....
DH's ex-wife has a daughter from before him...so this was DH's step-daughter when they were married. She called him for help....she has a son who is 3, she doesn't talk to her mother or her mother's side of the family (there is no father). Basically...she wanted money. DH told her he didn't have money to give her. She wants to try to get her life on track....her mother's side of the family basically told her they won't help her, so she has nowhere to turn....this is why she called DH. DH told her if she wants his help...she has to do things his way. Which baiscally means....to move down here (we live in NJ and she lives in Poughkeepsie), she can live with us for a few months...she has 2 weeks to find a job and find daycare for her son. We would control her paychecks in order to save money for her to get her own place and on her feet. My DH has a daughter with his ex-wife who lives with us....so this is her sister....which they haven't seen each other in about 3 years.
I agreed to all of this....because I feel like this girl is trying to get her life on track and needs some help and support and her own family won't help her which must be so hard. DH feels like he wants to help also....but feels like if he lets this girl come into our lives...it will bring up some old stuff from the past and he is way past that now.
So...am I crazy for letting this person into our lives...our home and helping her to become a productive member of society? Would you do the same? Thoughsts...opionons....please. Thanks.
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Posted 7/15/05 9:08 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Am I crazy for even considering this?????
I think that is a VERY NICE thing for you to try to do...But i just couldn't. It has too much potential for turning bad imo.
But GOOD LUCK. You are a wonderful caring person to try to do this to help her and her family!
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| Posted 7/15/05 9:33 AM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14007 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy for even considering this?????
I agree, it is extremely generous of you to even consider letting her come and stay with you. However, I wouldn't let her come and stay. It has way too much potential for things to go bad and very bad at that. If you want to help, offer to take her son for a few weeks/months so she will have a chance to go a look for a job and get an apartment without worrying about him. It will also help to allevate some of the financial responsibility.
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| Posted 7/15/05 10:02 AM |
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Jess2
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/05 471 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy for even considering this?????
First off, what you guys are offering is very nice and alot of people wouldn't do it.
I just think you need to be careful about this. Have you ever met this girl before? I understand that she is your stepdaughter's sister, so in that sense i think that you guys offering for her to stay with you is the right thing to do. But, I would really limit the amount of time for that. A few months may be too long. You might want to give her a definitive date as to when she must leave. And, if you see that she is causing you problems, that she needs to go. I would just be upfront with her about this if you haven't already.
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| Posted 7/15/05 10:42 AM |
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Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
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Re: Am I crazy for even considering this?????
Posted by Jess2
First off, what you guys are offering is very nice and alot of people wouldn't do it.
I just think you need to be careful about this. Have you ever met this girl before? I understand that she is your stepdaughter's sister, so in that sense i think that you guys offering for her to stay with you is the right thing to do. But, I would really limit the amount of time for that. A few months may be too long. You might want to give her a definitive date as to when she must leave. And, if you see that she is causing you problems, that she needs to go. I would just be upfront with her about this if you haven't already.
Sounds like good advice.
I wanted to add that you and your DH are very generous and caring people to do this.
I don't know that I would be able to open up my home like that, yes she is Dh's daughters sister but really no relation to either of you.
I would just be really careful and like the other poster said, set some rules.
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| Posted 7/15/05 12:07 PM |
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luvsun27
Check out my cool glasses
Member since 5/05 8135 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Am I crazy for even considering this?????
Thanks everyone. Yes...we plan to set some rules of when she needs to be out by, etc. And no, she really has no relation to either my DH or me...I just feel like if we turn her down, we are just as bad as her mother's family for not helping her since she is the one asking.
I'm hoping that the outcome will bring a healthy relationship between the 2 sisters...and help this girl get on her feet and provide a nice life for her and her child.
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| Posted 7/15/05 12:25 PM |
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curley999
Family!
Member since 5/05 2314 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy for even considering this?????
I have to say you are very kind to offer this.... However I dont think I would put myself in that situation. There just seems to be so much potential for problems. Good luck!
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| Posted 7/15/05 2:34 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Am I crazy for even considering this?????
OMG that is a lot to digest.
I think it is VERY KIND of you to allow this to happen. I hope that it is short-term and that everything works out. If it starts to come between you and DH, please have her leave immediately, regardless of her situation.
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| Posted 7/15/05 5:13 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Am I crazy for even considering this?????
Posted by Redhead
I think that is a VERY NICE thing for you to try to do...But i just couldn't. It has too much potential for turning bad imo.
But GOOD LUCK. You are a wonderful caring person to try to do this to help her and her family!
i agree here. as my mom always tells me, you have to do what's right for your family...i completely understand and it is very genuine and kind hearted of you and your DH to want to help, but I could see it potentially backfiring and hurting everyone involved.
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| Posted 7/15/05 5:49 PM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy for even considering this?????
My first question is why is her mothers family not helping. Is it because of them or her.
I think your offer is very nice, but RULES are a must, so make sure she has a plan if she can not follow them once she is there.
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| Posted 7/15/05 8:01 PM |
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