update on me (long)

saw dr. b today. basically i moved from the basic PCOS patient into the more complicated version... apparently my thrombophilia blood workup came back with something called PAI-1 4G/5G polymorphism. basically blood clotting cells are misshapen so they prob dont work right which could cause blood clots which would block off blood flow to a growing embryo, not allowing it to develop. additionally blood clotting factor issues can result in hyperinsulinism (which im already being treated for with the metformin) which results in my own immune system possibly attacking an embryo, the whole NK cells thing... theres a lot more to it than that but its all clinical and i cant really explain it.

anyway for my next medicated cycle ill have to do lovenox injections and a low-dose of prednisone. he also kind of wants me to go for an immunological workup to make sure that there is nothing else going on. but he did say the workup is expensive so he said we didnt 100% have to go for it - we could wait it out cause the lovenox in itself would be the solution to many of the things tested for in the immunological workup. since i'll be doing lovenox anyway it doesnt matter as much but he did say that if i end up having another chemical/m/c and THEN have to start the workup, it would be annoying. DH and i talked about it and we will probably do it. i think he has to get tested too to make sure some of our DNA in a certain spot doesnt match or something like that...

anyway so all of this is kind of overwhelming. dr. b was great as usual. but i am terribly upset .

i have to keep getting bloodwork until my HCG is down to 0 (i wont get todays beta back until tomorrow). he said if at any point from now it starts to rise it could be ectopic or a host of other weird things, so he has to follow it until its 0. THEN once its down to 0 i'll presumably bleed. THEN i have to wait from that point t to get real AF OR 4-6 weeks since i don't O on my own too often. THEN we can start our next medicated cycle. that puts me half way through the summer already. after the HCG goes down to 0 and i bleed (he specifically said that that is not AF) i might ovulate on my own and be able to conceive, but since my non-medicated ovulation is so erratic, im not too hopeful at this point. even if it did work its still at least 4-6 weeks away.

i just cant believe all this is happening. i cant believe at some point i thought that just having PCOS alone and not ovulating was the worst thing in the world. this feels so much worse. im basically mega f'ed up inside. i just want to lay in bed and wake up in 8-10 weeks when this is all over with.

if you have read this far thanks. if anyone has any similar situations going on inside of them, i would love to hear about it. my birthday is on saturday, DH wont be here, i have to work, and i have a wedding to go. i have never felt less like celebrating..

ETA - i started bleeding very heavy this morning. i just got the call from dr. b that my beta from yesterday came back as 0 so it looks like once i stop bleeding this is over for now. im actually happy its happening so that i can move on. i feel like at least i can start the 4-6WW now and maybe be able to start trying again in like a month or so. i hope!! thanks for listening to me vent... i cant wait to move on from this!!

Message edited 5/26/2010 1:51:59 PM.

Re: update on me (long)

Please don't say that There's a great reason for you to celebrate! It's your birthday and it's a very special day for you Yes, I know you feel heartbroken because of everything you learned today from Dr B but you need to try and stay focused on the fact that you are getting closer and closer to the truth. Every month you are taking a step forward to the best treatment to your problem. You must stay positive. It WILL happen for you! You know it will, it's just a matter of time

Re: update on me (long)

Please keep your head up and be positive. I know it's easier said than done, I should take my own advice sometimes, but having faith and believing that all will work out in the end does help.

Try to keep yourself busy, celebrate your birthday, enjoy yourself at the wedding, spend the summer soaking up the sun....all this will make you feel better

I will keep you in my prayers.

Re: update on me (long)

I'll be thinking of you.

Re: update on me (long)

I'm so sorry all this is happening to you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Re: update on me (long)

I am sorry that you are going through such a rough time right now. But these times will get you closer to your goal! I am sure the next few days will be hard but hopefully your birthday and wedding will cheer you up a bit.
I will be thinking of you and just know you will be on your way to mommyhood soon

Re: update on me (long)

I am sorry you are going through all of this. I will pray for you!!!

Re: update on me (long)

(fm) but thought I'd add some

Re: update on me (long)

Ugh, i am so sorry to see this update. I can only imagine everything you are going through, it is so not fair. You are in my thoughts and prayers, hang in there hun,

Re: update on me (long)

I'm so sorry! I sort of know what you're feeling. It is soooo hard to stay focused and positive, but as hard as it is, you'll find the strength to do it.

Have fun this weekend, you should take your mind off of this emotional rollercoaster as much as you can until your get the bleed.

Big hugs!

Re: update on me (long)

thanks everyone. i am just beyond frustrated. it seems like everytime i take one step forward i take 10 steps back. i have been TTC for over a year now and at least 4 months alone have just been waiting.. waiting to O, waiting to finish BCP after hyperstimming, waiting for metformin to work, waiting to be knee deep into my new job so that i dont get knocked up in the first five minutes im there... and now i have to wait as much as ten more weeks..

im sorry i know so many people have it worse than me and i should be happy i was even able to conceive twice with injectables/timed BD. i should be thankful that i am seeing dr. b who is such a great expert in my specific diagnoses (i doubt any other RE would have been able to diagnose me past the PCOS). but tonight i just feel like having a pity party .

Message edited 5/25/2010 9:54:19 PM.

Re: update on me (long)

Im so sorry u are going through this all!!!
Dr. B is a great doc and Im sure he will do all that he can.
keep ur faith!!

Re: update on me (long)

Oh flower wife, i know things look down right now. Take your time to heal. Things will look better once you start your new cycle. If you need anything, please let me know. Your time will come. Hugs

Re: update on me (long)

Wow, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! The good news is you've gotten PG twice. Dr. B will make sure the next one sticks! Maybe the break over the summer will help relax you a little before you start the next cycle. I'll be thinking of you!

Message edited 5/26/2010 12:23:29 PM.

Re: update on me (long)

Posted by FlowerWife

thanks everyone. i am just beyond frustrated. it seems like everytime i take one step forward i take 10 steps back. i have been TTC for over a year now and at least 4 months alone have just been waiting.. waiting to O, waiting to finish BCP after hyperstimming, waiting for metformin to work, waiting to be knee deep into my new job so that i dont get knocked up in the first five minutes im there... and now i have to wait as much as ten more weeks..

im sorry i know so many people have it worse than me and i should be happy i was even able to conceive twice with injectables/timed BD. i should be thankful that i am seeing dr. b who is such a great expert in my specific diagnoses (i doubt any other RE would have been able to diagnose me past the PCOS). but tonight i just feel like having a pity party .

Re: update on me (long)

update on first post

Re: update on me (long)

Re: update on me (long)

Posted by bride07


I'm sorry you have to go through this.



Just know it will get better! I had two losses this past yr and felt so discouraged too. It's a lot to go through and this is a lot of new information you have just found out. You need to give yourself some time to heal and to absorb all of the test results/ and protocal.

I will tell tell you it DOES GET BETTER. I have been there, and now so HOPEFUL and know things will work out!!!! Now that they found the cause of your m/c you will have the right treatment to keep you pregnant.

I currently take lovenox too. I was so overwhelmed and upset at the thought of having to give myself injection. However, now that I have been doing it for awhile, it really Isn't bad at all. I barely feel the needle and becoming a PRO. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have! I am always here to chat.

Keeping you in my prayers!!!

Re: update on me (long)

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but when I conceived the first time, I miscarried at 6w3d. Even though it wasn't standard, I demanded my RE do the recurrent loss panel, since I didn't want to wait to see if happened again. It turned out I had a clotting disorder, so for the next cycle (which was about 6 weeks after the loss), I took lovenox.
Mady and Jonah were the results of that cycle.
The m/c was one of the worst things I have ever gone through in my life. But now I have the two best things in my life.
Hang in there

Re: update on me (long)

Re: update on me (long)

I also have 4g/5g, mthfr, and HLA compatibility. Dr. B has me on prednisone, lovenox, baby aspirin and metanx. DH and I also did karyotyping and DH had a sperm fragmentation test.

I completely trust Dr. B. After 3 m/c last year, I hope this works. My retrieval is this Friday.

{{hugs}}

Re: update on me (long)

Re: update on me (long)

You must be feeling so overwhelmed. Hang in there! I hope you get some answers.

Re: update on me (long)

I am so sorry you have to go through this