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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Some advice please
I posted a while ago about my nephew who proposed to his gf. He didn't have a ring and now she is really putting pressure on him to get her one. She is getting flack from friends and family about getting the ring and how she is not engaged..blah blah. He's 22 and she's 24. He was living in his boss' big fat house and now had to move out with her back to her mother's house.
He asked his father (we are POA for his dad) for a loan for a ring. A very inexpensive one but nonetheless a ring. I told him to get a second job and save up for a ring. He didn't like that at all and his fiancee wants it now. At least that's what he is telling us.
He called us saying that since he is going into the Navy in October how can he can a second job knowing he's leaving. I didn't see the logic in that. He called again and got a job with a landscaping company on the weekends. He asked us what will it take to prove to us that he can re-pay the loan. I have to call him back now and set some guidelines.
He has a habit of lying and fabricating and manipulating. I know his game. I don't want to reneg on what I said but I really feel that he can't even pay his cell phone bill, how will he pay a loan back? He is living in his fiancees house with her after he decided to move out of his mother's house. Mostly, I think because she would never let him have her stay over. They are basically living together.
He makes $2k a month at his first job with absolutely no expenses. That's take home. He has no rent, car..etc..
I would really like opinions. TIA!
Message edited 7/23/2008 11:43:30 AM.
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Posted 7/23/08 11:23 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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MikesCutie
May 26, 2007
Member since 12/07 1478 total posts
Name:
Marianne
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Re: Some advice please
I learned never to get involved with family and money. In this case, what is he doing with the money he is making now if he doesn't have any expenses? Sorry, but I wouldn't lend him any money. He doesn't seem very responsible.
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| Posted 7/23/08 12:25 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
he spends it. He takes his gf out, buys dinner, drinks..etc..
he is crapping it away. I guess he puts gas in her car and his cell phone bill which is $350 a month!
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| Posted 7/23/08 12:58 PM |
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4ForMe
:)
Member since 11/05 5666 total posts
Name:
Barbara
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Re: Some advice please
I don't even think he sounds mature enough to get married!!! If he makes $2,000 and has no expenses, yet he can hardly pay his cell phone bill, he still has a lot to learn.
I definitely would not loan him the money. If he really wants to buy her a ring he will find a way. I wouldn't want a ring knowing my FH had to take the money from his father - it would mean more to me for him to buy it on his own.
If it is not a very expensive ring, he should be able to save for it pretty fast if he puts is mind to it.
Message edited 7/23/2008 2:08:26 PM.
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| Posted 7/23/08 2:06 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
Posted by 4ForMe
I don't even think he sounds mature enough to get married!!! If he makes $2,000 and has no expenses, yet he can hardly pay his cell phone bill, he still has a lot to learn.
I definitely would not loan him the money. If he really wants to buy her a ring he will find a way. I wouldn't want a ring knowing my FH had to take the money from his father - it would mean more to me for him to buy it on his own.
If it is not a very expensive ring, he should be able to save for it pretty fast if he puts is mind to it.
I agree. I just don't know how to handle it. I did tell him that if he got a second job, worked at it a while and put some money in the bank, I would revisit it.
He is anxious about it. Frankly, he will hate working landscaping. He is a lazy kid and doesn't like doing manual labor.
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| Posted 7/23/08 2:17 PM |
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4ForMe
:)
Member since 11/05 5666 total posts
Name:
Barbara
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Re: Some advice please
It sounds like he's a lazy kid.
I think you're doing the right thing. If you see him making progress in the right direction, yeah, I would probably help him. If he doesn't, well I guess then he doesn't want this bad enough.
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| Posted 7/23/08 2:22 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
He is lazy. He's also manipulative.
I would like him to put $500 in the bank and then I would have his dad lend him something.
He should be able to do that in about a month if he banks his second job.
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| Posted 7/23/08 2:30 PM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: Some advice please
i also learned not to have family get involved with money..
my FIL lent out a loan to his niece and that turned out bad! i just dont advise it, he doesnt seem mature enough to pay you back! if you knew he was the type of person to give it back to you then i would say maybe... but in this case i dont think its the right choice!
HTH!!
and good luck with your decision
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| Posted 7/23/08 2:33 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some advice please
I am not clear...are you giving him $$$?
If thats the thought...no way!
Tell his GF that if she wants a ring they need to stop spending $$$ on frivalous BS. She probably could have a 5 ct by now if they'd start saving.
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:11 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some advice please
Oh I read it again. He wants Freddys $$$...still no way! Same answer as above. Work and work some more. He has no idea about his finacnes if he come up negative without paying rent etc...
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:13 PM |
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hmm8191
My loves
Member since 3/06 2908 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: Some advice please
I wouldn't lend it to him either. If he wants to get her a ring bad enough he should get a credit card and charge it. That way he's VISA's problem. Not that I am encouraging credit card debit but come on. We've all got to grow up sometimes.
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:14 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
I agree with all of you. My gut says no way. I just don't want to shut the door in his face. He hasn't had good examples growing up. Mostly he learned about money from his dad who's credit shot and has debt up to his ears.
He doesn't know how to handle money.
it's hard but I may have to say, no.
eta: he can't get a credit card..his credit is shot too. I know he's a bad credit risk, but he's my nephew and Fred's son. You try to help your kid..but I don't really see this as helping..it's moer like enabling.
And if she is pressuring him to ask for a loan for her ring, then I have no respect for her.
Message edited 7/23/2008 3:38:21 PM.
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:36 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some advice please
Posted by Blu-ize
I agree with all of you. My gut says no way. I just don't want to shut the door in his face. He hasn't had good examples growing up. Mostly he learned about money from his dad who's credit shot and has debt up to his ears.
He doesn't know how to handle money.
it's hard but I may have to say, no.
eta: he can't get a credit card..his credit is shot too. I know he's a bad credit risk, but he's my nephew and Fred's son. You try to help your kid..but I don't really see this as helping..it's moer like enabling.
And if she is pressuring him to ask for a loan for her ring, then I have no respect for her.
I knew you were going to write the above.
I almost think you are feeling guilty bc Freddy cant assist him and all the triumphs his son has had experiencing such a situation. Honestly, you helped Fred and you can emotionally help his son...that doesnt make you have to pay for his lifestyle. If this girl needs a ring SO bad then shouldnt her parents feel just as bad as you do and lay out some cash? NO...reasons are the same as yours. With that said, let him go and work 1 or 2 jobs whichever it may be. He has no expenses so he shouldnt even have to get a 2cnd job.
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:57 PM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
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Re: Some advice please
Tell him to get her a Diamonique 
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:15 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
Posted by Summerrluvv
Tell him to get her a Diamonique
oh they were talking about a simple setting with a cz...nothing expensive.
I'm on the phone with his mom now discussing it.
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:25 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Blu-ize
I agree with all of you. My gut says no way. I just don't want to shut the door in his face. He hasn't had good examples growing up. Mostly he learned about money from his dad who's credit shot and has debt up to his ears.
He doesn't know how to handle money.
it's hard but I may have to say, no.
eta: he can't get a credit card..his credit is shot too. I know he's a bad credit risk, but he's my nephew and Fred's son. You try to help your kid..but I don't really see this as helping..it's moer like enabling.
And if she is pressuring him to ask for a loan for her ring, then I have no respect for her.
I knew you were going to write the above.
I almost think you are feeling guilty bc Freddy cant assist him and all the triumphs his son has had experiencing such a situation. Honestly, you helped Fred and you can emotionally help his son...that doesnt make you have to pay for his lifestyle. If this girl needs a ring SO bad then shouldnt her parents feel just as bad as you do and lay out some cash? NO...reasons are the same as yours. With that said, let him go and work 1 or 2 jobs whichever it may be. He has no expenses so he shouldnt even have to get a 2cnd job.
well it would be Fred's money but we're in charge of it. I can't loan this kid money.
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:26 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some advice please
Posted by Blu-ize
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Blu-ize
I agree with all of you. My gut says no way. I just don't want to shut the door in his face. He hasn't had good examples growing up. Mostly he learned about money from his dad who's credit shot and has debt up to his ears.
He doesn't know how to handle money.
it's hard but I may have to say, no.
eta: he can't get a credit card..his credit is shot too. I know he's a bad credit risk, but he's my nephew and Fred's son. You try to help your kid..but I don't really see this as helping..it's moer like enabling.
And if she is pressuring him to ask for a loan for her ring, then I have no respect for her.
I knew you were going to write the above.
I almost think you are feeling guilty bc Freddy cant assist him and all the triumphs his son has had experiencing such a situation. Honestly, you helped Fred and you can emotionally help his son...that doesnt make you have to pay for his lifestyle. If this girl needs a ring SO bad then shouldnt her parents feel just as bad as you do and lay out some cash? NO...reasons are the same as yours. With that said, let him go and work 1 or 2 jobs whichever it may be. He has no expenses so he shouldnt even have to get a 2cnd job.
well it would be Fred's money but we're in charge of it. I can't loan this kid money.
did your mom or dad pay for your ring or dh's ring? Is he even serious about this relationship since he is going away?
BTW...where is his mom? Sorry for all the questions...LOL
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| Posted 7/23/08 5:16 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
no, we saved and got our rings. My brother actually took out a loan from a bank and got his wife the ring at the time.
My nephew's credit is shot so that's not an option.
His mother and I just spoke and she agrees that there should be no loan. He moved out of her house because he had to pay her rent according to him. He got frustrated because he was being given rules to live by in her house. His friends would come over and eat them out of house and home. He would always cook them dinner with food that was earmarked for dinner for the family or for my sil's DH. He would also sit around and drink to drunkeness every night with his friends. She put her foot down and then he decided to move out.
He's got the I'm a victim mentality. My brother has it too. He thinks the world owes him something. He also lies to his fiancee.
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| Posted 7/23/08 5:40 PM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some advice please
If he needs to take out a loan for a piece of jewelry, how will he afford the necessities of married life (home, car, insurance, etc.)?
IMO- NO LOAN.
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| Posted 7/23/08 6:03 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
Posted by suvenR
If he needs to take out a loan for a piece of jewelry, how will he afford the necessities of married life (home, car, insurance, etc.)?
IMO- NO LOAN.
I totally agree.
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| Posted 7/23/08 6:07 PM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: Some advice please
tell him to buy a cz
seriously
then he can replace it with a duplicate
tacori sells a platinum setting with a cz stone for 2100
he can change the stone to a diamond when he has the cash
http://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/Tacori-Platinum-CZ-and-1-3ct-TDW-Diamond-Engagement-Ring-G-VS/3108939/product.html?cid=123620&fp=F&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=11239170
Message edited 7/24/2008 12:18:56 PM.
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| Posted 7/24/08 12:17 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
I told her to wait for the ring she really wants. She wants a $1000 ring with a cz..he can't afford it. He has no money. I don't know how they are going to get married. He's going into the Navy in Oct.
I just don't want to have this convo. There's so much wrong with the situation.
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| Posted 7/24/08 12:37 PM |
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JodiBabe
Married for 9 yrs!!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6672 total posts
Name:
Jodi
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Re: Some advice please
You should definately not loan the $$ to him when he has proven that he cant be trusted. If he is working 2 jobs & has no rea expenses then he should be able to save up for something nice for now. If she cant wait then TOUGH!!!!
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| Posted 7/24/08 9:44 PM |
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janet
WITH LOVE MY ANGEL MISS YOU!!!
Member since 5/05 12823 total posts
Name:
janet
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Re: Some advice please
well, when my sister neede money for the hotel(she can be like your brother) i gave it to her. NOW I have no clue where she is , how my nephew is doing. so with that said... go with what your gut tells you. sorry you have to go through that
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| Posted 7/24/08 11:24 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Some advice please
I just want to smack him in the head. How could he think he's ready for this. He can't even pay his cell phone bill..it's 4 months in arrears and in his dad's name. I'm tempted to cancel it and pay the $175 term fee.
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| Posted 7/25/08 10:11 AM |
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