2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

Just not sure what to do anymore. DS is 2.5 and over the past few days has developed SEVERE separation anxiety with DH.

It has affected naps, bedtime, all aspects of his life. Yesterday was the first day I got him to nap in almost a week. Last night we were getting ready for bed and just kept repeating "Daddy home soon" so I said, "Daddy will be home when you get up in the morning." It didn't seem to pacify him so I figured we could call DH (at work) and he could say goodnight that way. Well when DH answered he totally bugged out. Hysterical crying, tears and all. And he is not normally a crier.

This morning DH went to bring out the garbage and clean off the cars. DS stood at the window sobbing for 5 minutes crying for daddy. I finally got him to come sit down to eat breakfast (normally a task that he does willingly) and he is just sitting there, not eating, every few moments whining "daddy".

Usually going to the store is something exciting to him and will make him forget about whatever else is bothering him. So I said "Today Ryan and mommy need to go to the store" So DS said "New car and daddy store" I said "No, daddy has to work" and he burst out crying again.

I just don't know what to do anymore. DH's schedule stinks (10am-10pm). But that isn't changing. How the heck do I explain to my 2 year old this is life and he needs to get over it?

I am a SAHM. I play with him all day. We do crafts, bake, playdates. I mean, I truly try my hardest to have as much fun in a day as possible. How else can I make his day better so he is not so hooked on who isn't here and enjoys who is? Of course I also play police officer around here so I am mainly responsible for discipline which I am sure doesn't help my case for being "the fun one". But DH really only has about an hour or so in the morning with DS. Not a whole lot of opportunity to need to discipline in that hour. KWIM?

Side note - I am expecting twins in April. And he knows there are "babies in mommys belly" so I'm not sure if maybe the thought it starting to really make sense to him and may be contributing to this?

If you have read this far, I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am at my wits end. I feel sorry for DS that he is so sad over his daddy not being home more and I feel bad for myself that I put blood, sweat, and tears into creating a great day only to not be wanted at the end of it all.

Message edited 2/1/2011 9:58:49 AM.

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

Around that age my DS also went through that phase...I too am a SAHM and was expecting at the time (though I'm not convinced it had anything to do with it) ...

It was so bad at one point that he would literally freak out if either myself or DH got out of the car to pump gas !!

If we were BOTH home, we had to both be in the same room...We were baffled because he had never had any issue with being apart from us..My MIL had babysat him since he was an infant w/out issue and even that became a disaster...

But on the bright side, as quick as it came on, it seemed to have gone away...Just keep re-assuring him that you and DH always come back..Even if its going in the bathroom, make a big deal out of "coming back"....

I remember how hard it was

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

DS was just like that at 2.5 and it improved significantly when he started school (around 3). I actually put him in a camp program for 2.5 hrs/day over the summer (I had a baby in June and didnt want him stuck in the house because of that). It was the best thing I ever did and he adjusted after only a few days. I feel for you because I know how hard that is

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

Jess this is EXACTLY what Nicholas does. I hate to blame it on our hubbies crazy work schedules but I really think that is a huge contributor. So far we are having a good month, but he is totally daddy's boy, always asking for him when he wakes for nap/goes to bed/all thoughout the day "daddy coming home?" Sometimes it would take me an hour to clam him after waking from naps asking where daddy was. Several times he has gone through the stage where he will scream and cry when he goes out the door for even a few minutes, or even when he goes in another room to take a phone call, into the shower etc. I want to say it has lasted for a few weeks on end, and then he is back to normal. It's started back up again a few times. It actually got really bad when DH had to return to work after Tristan was born. DH was home for almost a month and forget about it when he had to go back, it was very hard on me and on him too. But that phase is over and we are doing better these days.

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

Thanks for the input girls.

I seem to have gotten his naps back as of yesterday and his behavior/attitude seems to be a little better since he is sleeping better.

But bedtime is still a little bit of an issue.

And tonight when he asked for daddy and I told him he will be here in the morning he didn't burst out in tears.

So maybe we are getting over the hurdle? I sure hope so!

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

My son is the same age and has been going through the same thing lately! My hubby is gone at 5:30 am and not home until 7/8 pm ~ so time is limited during the week ~ DS will see hubby over the weekend and Monday's are usually my worse day since hubby and ds get to spend time together. I hope this passes soon

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

DS has been doing the same thing lately he wil be 3 in a week. Its hard because I am in school and other people have to put him to bed. He doesn't so much cry when or get upset when I leave but he is NASTY to anyone who isnt me including DH. The only thing I can think of is that he knows that there will be another baby here soon. I am due in May. Thats my only explanation and I'm sure that doesn't help but know that your not the only one.

Hope it gets easier for you!

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

It is just so frustrating. I feel like he doesn't even play well anymore independently. And it doesn't help we are constantly trapped indoors with this terrible weather.

Thanks everyone.

Re: 2.5 year old - serious spearation anxiety....advice needed!!!

I went through this when DS was 2.5 too. The most independent kid, all of a sudden, FREAKED OUT when I wasn't constantly by his side. In fact, he even screamed "SEE MAMA SEE MAMA" when I was standing right next to him.

It was frightening and frustrating. I would cry myself. I blamed it on having a new baby, but friends of mine had kids do it at the same age, with no major changes in his life.

Thankfully,it is just a phase. I think ours lasted about 2 months (but it got better during that time). Just try to endure it and encourage him to move on and keep him occupied.