20 Month Old - Major Separation Anxiety

I have a 20 month old son and I am 32 weeks pregnant with our second. I am a working mom and returned to work when my son was 3 months. We have always been close, as I do 95% of the parenting tasks in our house since he was born - wakeups, bedtime, bath time, feeding time, etc etc so I would say that I am his "primary" caregiver for lack of a better phrase... he looks for me when he wakes up or when he needs something. But I have never really had a problem dropping him off at daycare or having someone watch him for a little bit while I run to a doctors appointment or go to work or for a dinner out with my husband; we have a very tight knit family and he has been left alone with grandparents on both sides since he was born without any issue.

Now I would say for the past 2 months he has been extremely beyond attached to me. To a point where my husband picked him up from daycare last week because he got out of work early (I always do pickups) and when they got home and he didn't see me home yet, and cried for almost a half hour straight. Ran around the house looking for me. Nothing would calm him. Just buried his face in the couch sobbing. He wouldn't take his pacifier or lovie or anything. My husband was at a total loss and I rushed home as a result. I don't know if he thought something had happened to me? Or if it was the change in our daily routine that confused him, or what? Then on Saturday night my husband and I went out to dinner alone, and when it was time for us to say goodbye to him, he started hysterically crying. My parents were watching him, and told me he cried for about 15 min until they had to distract him with something to get him to calm down.

I am not sure if its the age, if he senses a baby coming, if its any break in routine that freaks him out, or what. But it's giving me anxiety that he is being this way when I have another baby coming and his world will be turned upside down. Does anyone have a similar situation, or has anyone experienced this level of separation anxiety in a toddler this age? Maybe its just a normal phase? Thanks in advance for any insight.

20 Month Old - Major Separation Anxiety

My DD is pretty attached to DH and I. It's usually not that big a deal because one of us is always with her unless she's at daycare.

I would say that you need to get him used to other people, particularly his father. Is there any way to start having him do pickup or drop off? Or at the very least have him share bedtime and bath responsibilities? I can't imagine doing all these tasks solo especially if DH is home and I certainly could never do it with TWO kids!

20 Month Old - Major Separation Anxiety

I think it's normal at that age. My DS cried almost every day at daycare drop off from 22 months-30 months. Within 5-10 minutes, he usually calmed down. He would also cry if we ever went out without him - therefore we didn't do date nights really until he was closer to 3.

Does he watch Daniel Tiger? Have him watch the grown ups come back episode. We did that and would sing the song to help with his anxiety.

Good luck - I know it's rough.

Re: 20 Month Old - Major Separation Anxiety

Re: 20 Month Old - Major Separation Anxiety

It is partially a phase. They eventually get used to it and it is hard on the mom guilt.
My piece of advice with baby #2 is have daddy do more with #2 from the beginning it helps so much in the end for them to get used to everyone doing everything for them and not just mommy.

Re: 20 Month Old - Major Separation Anxiety

It is partially a phase. They eventually get used to it and it is hard on the mom guilt.
My piece of advice with baby #2 is have daddy do more with #2 from the beginning it helps so much in the end for them to get used to everyone doing everything for them and not just mommy.

Re: 20 Month Old - Major Separation Anxiety

20 Month Old - Major Separation Anxiety

Thanks everyone!

20 Month Old - Major Separation Anxiety

DD is 26 months old and has been having a really hard time at daycare drop off lately -- very clingy, whining, pick me up, etc. I'm a teacher and she goes to "camp" 2 days a week -- I think that's part of the problem. She isn't going often enough for it to be routine. She was much better during the school year when she was going Monday thru Friday. The teachers tell me it takes 15-20 minutes for her to calm down and that she's fine during the day. Hoping its just a phase!