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shouldItell
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/10 4 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Message edited 5/20/2010 8:25:25 PM.
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Posted 5/13/10 9:24 PM  |
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momma2b
Princess is here!
Member since 8/08 1386 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
as a long time and regular poster who has gone to great lengths to protect my privacy, if i were you, I would respect your SIL's privacy and not let on that you know what is going on.
when she is ready to tell you they are expecting, act surprised and do not let on that you were lurking on lif and found her posts. that will greatly upset her.
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| Posted 5/13/10 9:39 PM |
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MissMeliss
Love my kids
Member since 11/08 1424 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
Posted by momma2b
as a long time and regular poster who has gone to great lengths to protect my privacy, if i were you, I would respect your SIL's privacy and not let on that you know what is going on.
when she is ready to tell you they are expecting, act surprised and do not let on that you were lurking on lif and found her posts. that will greatly upset her.
Ita with this!
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| Posted 5/13/10 9:45 PM |
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Phoebee
LIF Adult
Member since 11/06 1623 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
Posted by MissMeliss
Posted by momma2b
as a long time and regular poster who has gone to great lengths to protect my privacy, if i were you, I would respect your SIL's privacy and not let on that you know what is going on.
when she is ready to tell you they are expecting, act surprised and do not let on that you were lurking on lif and found her posts. that will greatly upset her.
Ita with this!
me too. I think if you tell her your relationship would be awkward and she really wouldn't trust you. Nothing good can come of you telling her, ya know?
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| Posted 5/13/10 10:58 PM |
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shouldItell
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/10 4 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
Posted by momma2b
as a long time and regular poster who has gone to great lengths to protect my privacy, if i were you, I would respect your SIL's privacy and not let on that you know what is going on.
when she is ready to tell you they are expecting, act surprised and do not let on that you were lurking on lif and found her posts. that will greatly upset her.
I know the right thing to do is keep quiet. But I just feel so awkward. And I kind of don't get why she would wouldn't protect her identity on her (she has her full real name, pics of her & family on here). Do I never come back to this site? Do I just never read her posts again?
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| Posted 5/14/10 7:29 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
I'm sure it is upsetting to find out someone close to you is keeping a secret from you:
Never-the-less, it is her secret to keep.
She may have taken more liberties with her name/profile due to the presumed anonymous nature of a site section targeted at couples struggling with infertility.
Yes, we tell people who we don't know things about cervical mucous, discharge, painful injection, ect. that we wouldn't tell our own mothers. All of this is because when we go to a family BBQ, we don't have to see these people... it's the great anonymous factor.
I have only told very few family members that I underwent IVF (definitely not all of them) and found no reason to... for the same reason that people keep early pregnancy secret for a while: the outcome may not be what we hope it is and people react differently to the news. I have told people that it took me a long time and "extra help" to get pregnant. Why do I have to share details? Also, after going through IVF once, the second time would be less traumatic (the worst part is finding out you can't conceive on your own, IMO)... so I def. would not tell them the second time around.
My advice:
You probably don't share details of... let's say... your sex life with your SIL and BIL. You may share with strangers for advice on an anonymous forum. Please respect her privacy (no matter if she uses her name or not) and STOP READING HER POSTS. Don't mention a thing to her. It's not a matter of being fake... it's a matter of respecting privacy.
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| Posted 5/14/10 7:47 AM |
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skinny
3 boys and a princess!
Member since 11/08 8178 total posts
Name:
Momma
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
I wouldn't say anything. My brother and SIL are VERY private people. They recently told me that they dealt w/ IF too. I guess I kind of suspected bc I knew they wanted kids and were married for 7 years before they had my niece. If they had wanted me to know at the time, they would have told me. I know it's hard not to say anything, but people deal w/ this in many different ways. I have posted info and pictures on here at various times too, yet I would be mortified if anyone ever said that they knew who I was.
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| Posted 5/14/10 8:02 AM |
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FergieK
Loving my girls
Member since 7/09 2533 total posts
Name:
Fergie
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
It must be tough realizing you were reading into your SIL life. 
Good luck to you.
Message edited 5/19/2010 7:59:51 AM.
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| Posted 5/14/10 8:12 AM |
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WNA01
my 2 boys
Member since 10/08 4240 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
Posted by shouldItell
Posted by momma2b
as a long time and regular poster who has gone to great lengths to protect my privacy, if i were you, I would respect your SIL's privacy and not let on that you know what is going on.
when she is ready to tell you they are expecting, act surprised and do not let on that you were lurking on lif and found her posts. that will greatly upset her.
I know the right thing to do is keep quiet. But I just feel so awkward. And I kind of don't get why she would wouldn't protect her identity on her (she has her full real name, pics of her & family on here). Do I never come back to this site? Do I just never read her posts again?
i it is something she is keeping private to herself and internet friends.
i understand you have a good relationship and your hurt she did not confide in you her if problems, but she chose to keep this to herself.
as far as posting her real name and pictures i can honestly say i have done the same and have posted without ever thinking someone i know could be reading them and know it was me.
makes me think about taking off my pics now.
i would without a question keep this to yourself.
eta: to respect her privacy i would stop immediately reading her posts..
Message edited 5/14/2010 9:08:48 AM.
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| Posted 5/14/10 9:05 AM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
I wouldn't say anything. IF issues are so personal, and often times comes shame. I think you threaten hurting your relationship with both SIL and your brother if you expose what you know. Personally I don't think it would be worth it to bring it up.
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| Posted 5/14/10 9:19 AM |
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maybemommy10
Big Brothers to Be !
Member since 2/10 3868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
I would not tell her you know, and would stop reading her posts. There are reasons she doesn't want anyone to know, and i think that should be respected.
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| Posted 5/14/10 9:25 AM |
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KrisClaire
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/10 386 total posts
Name:
Kris
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
I have to agree with everyone else. You might have suspected it but didnt know anything then. Act the same way now. You gave her all you could last time and be the same this way. But take to heart that you are not alone and more of your family has a harder time than you think.
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| Posted 5/14/10 9:54 AM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
leave it alone....
While you might be close, many people want to keep their IF struggles private from real life friends and family.
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| Posted 5/14/10 10:42 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
Posted by MrsRbk
leave it alone....
While you might be close, many people want to keep their IF struggles private from real life friends and family.
I agree. While I am vocal about my experiences my cousin who I am very close to didn't tell me about her struggle until she was 12 weeks.
Give them their privacy. There also may be some embarassment about it as well even though there is nothing to be embarassed about.
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| Posted 5/14/10 10:54 AM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long
I'll just say... if it's me - FM me! 
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| Posted 5/14/10 1:29 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your honest opinion..sorry long (updated)
If it were any other issues I would say to let her know, but IF is SO personal. I will always resent the fact that my MIL started asking people if they knew if something was going on with my DH and I when we were going thru IF treatments. I found it incredibly insensitive, and as for being hurt that she hasn't confided in you, I wouldn't be. People don't usually tell others when they are TTC, and IF is really no different. I actually find it so weird when people announce to everyone that they are TTC, but maybe that's just because i am superstitious.
I would just stay off the IF board, unless of course, you find yourself needing to be here. That way you won't read things that you don't necessarily want to know.....
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| Posted 5/14/10 4:14 PM |
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