10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

Well here is my official vent. The vent that i have been holding in for a while now. Jacob is now 10 months old and still, thats right still, not sleeping thru the night. Not to mention he is still only napping for 20 min in the morn and 20 min in the afternoon. Needless to say, I am finding it very tough to keep my sanity. Now before everyone suggests letting him CIO i want to add that i have tried it 3 times in the past 2 weeks and all three times he has vomited all over himself, the crib and the floor. Last night he only slept for 4 hrs between the hrs of 10pm and 6am. I have tried the early bedtime of 6:30-7 and he still wakes on average 5 times a night. I have tried the later bedtime, and that has the same outcome. I do not feed him during the night, usually it requires laying him back down and putting the paci back in.

But some nights i cant even get out of his room cause the floor is squeaky and the lightest squeak he hears he wakes up crying again. I have white noise goin, i have lullabyes goin, it doesnt matter, the floorboards override all other sounds.

And yes, i know that he is at the age where separation anxiety has set in and i know he does have it. But the sleep problem has been a problem since the day he came home from the hospital. I have tried all the methods, Ferber, sleep shuffle, leaving the room permanently and not returning.. all results in hours of crying and finally vomit. One night he cried for 3 hrs straight...

At this point I am convinced there is no solution. I am just convinced that this is way it is and will continue to be. But i am seriously hovering at the edge of losing my mind completely. I just feel like i get NO breaks from him during the day cause his naps are only 20 min too. I cant get anything done and it is adding to my frustrations. It has gotten to the point where i am starting to beg people/friends/relatives to please take him for 2-3 hrs on my days off so i can get some things accomplished. And the sad part is when the 3 hrs are up sometimes i dont want to pick him up. I have been looking forward to work lately so badly just to get away. I get so angry some nights when i'm up 5 or so times (not that i would ever take it out on him) but i want to bash in the walls or smash plates. And then my thoughts turn to "why did i want a baby?, "I regret ever getting pregnant", "I am so not cut out for this".. and then I feel guilty for EVEN thinking those things.. ughhh..

I told DH that he is going to have to start gettin up at night and also letting me sleep in some days. He does get up early the days i work but doesnt ever get up at night and I told him that has to change before I check myself into the psych ward. I am feeling so disconnected from the baby because of all this and I cry b/c i dont want him to sense it. Just needed to get that off my chest and vent a little. Thanks for listening..

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

I'm so sorry! Please don't feel guilty for the feelings you are having. Anyone going through sleep deprivation like you are would feel the same way. I'm not sure what to suggest, since it seems like you've tried everything. The only thing I can suggest is that DH is going to have to start taking on some of this burden to help you stay sane. Hang in there!

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

I am sorry you are ginf through this. I complained because Sara didnt sleep for 3 nights last week -I couldnt imagine what you are going through. Yes, DH must do weekend duty at night and the mornings so you can sleep.
Do you have family near you? Maybe onenight you and DH can get away or let Jacob sleep out so you can get a solid night sleep. I know its hard leaving him for a night but it might help. I remember when Sara was about 8 weeks and my mom slept over for 2 nights, it was the best sleep ever.

I wish I could help but I have my own 2 that dont always sleep and I teach on top of that.

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

I am so sorry you feel this way and can relate to you on the sleep deprivation part. My son did not sleep through the night till the past month at 13 MONTHS!!! Back and forth to his crib for the pacifier, bottle or a hug was killing me as it is you.

Like your son my son is a very light sleeper but I was lucky because he was a good napper.

I really don't have a suggestions because it seems as if you tried it all. Sometimes I will leave him is his playpen or crib with a toy with the monitor on and just close my eyes for 20 minutes.

Good Luck it wil get better I promise. Now he is in his crib playing with his mobile and will eventually lay down. This is a baby that had to be rocked to sleep till he was 11 months old! It will get better hang in there.

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

wow! so sorry. clearly there's nothing we could say that would make you feel better. I have no advice b/c it sounds like you've tried everything. Would you have the finances to hire a live in nanny for the purpose of giving you a break certain nights or a night nurse? it's the only other thing I can think of that you didn't alreay try. I'm so sorry that you're not getting any help from family. That's truly a shame. They should be there for you. It's their grandson.

ETA: sorry I'm sleepy and was too busy writing and forgot to

Message edited 10/28/2006 10:12:06 PM.

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

NOREEN! I wish you had vented earlier and I hope you feel better now that you did. I am sorry that you are having such a tough time. Please make your DH take some nights. Sleep deprivation is the WORST and this has to be killer. Have you talked to your ped about this for suggestions?

Please don' t feel horrible for feeling the way you do...when things go badly like this, it's hard not to. You need time to yourself to get things done. I wish I was more help to you. You are a good mommy...
and I hope tings get better for you soon. Start with you DH taking a night (7pm-7am) and get a good nights sleep, even if you have to sleep in another room and take a sleep aid...this will help so much.

And please vent here and never hold it in, that makes it worse...sometimes just having a sounding board helps...and we are ALL here for you

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

I am so sorry you are still dealing with this. I really can't imagine how hard it must be. I feel the way you do from time to time and Miranda does nap and sleep through the night so I think your feelings are totally normal. No one can be on 24/7 withouth needing/wanting a break.
Have you talked to your ped about this? Maybe they could refer you to a sleep clinic that analyzes children. There could be a true problem that could maybe be corrected so that you can all get some rest. Surely Jacob must be tired too.
I hope it gets better.

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

I have no advice only hugs as I havent had a proper nights sleep since january. My DD will be 9 mths next week and she has never slept through the night. She is BF and wakes 2-3 times a night to feed still although I know its just for comfort.

The only thing that stopped me from losing my mind was that we made the decision to have her sleep with us. She goes into her crib when she falls asleep in the evening - and that can vary from 7pm to 10pm!! but once she wakes up past 1.00am she is in bed with us.

I know this solution is not for everyone.

I have resigned myself to the fact that this could go on for several more months and that the black bags under my eyes are here to stay for awhile more but it too will pass....I have to believe that.

My hubbie takes her out on sunday mornings for a couple of hours and I get to sleep in and its a godsend as I get some alone time so even if you cannot get someone to do it for you every day if you could at least have a couple of hours one morning or evening to yourself it makes a huge diffrence.

Also know that you are not alone with this, some kids are just better sleepers than others and although that sucks to here it is what it is.

Do NOT beat yourself up over this, you are not a saint nor are you meant to be one and taking care of a baby takes a lot of hard work and patience, that comined with no breaks and lack of sleep is very challenging.

Hang in there and I hope your little one discovers the land of nod sooner rather than later!!

I told my husband last week that I am going to get my revenge on my DD when she is a teenager and wants to sleep in.....I wont hear of it

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

I am so sorry!
My DD was a terrible napper so when we were/are both home, she is gated inside two rooms and I just take a little catnap on the couch while she plays. That works sometimes. Doesn't necessarily help the big picture, but it's the little things sometimes...

I wish I could offer you more advice, but I want to let you know I have totally felt the way you do. It doesn't help matters that every mom makes it look so easy! But I bet that's what people are saying about you. You are a supermom!

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

I was wondering how Jacob was doing and I am sorry to hear that he is still a "high maintenance" baby. It is normal to feel the way you do and don't ever get the guilts over it.

I agree CIO isn't for every baby and you shouldn't continue down that path for now. The separation anxiety definitely has kicked in and it's a phase we all have to just live thru.

Definitely continue leaving him with other people on occassion to get stuff done and even to have some personal time. It is important to have personal time as you will burn out sooner or later.

All I can give you is lots of hugs and hopefully it will get better.

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

Have you spoken to your ped. about this? I was just talking to my mother last night about how I never slept through the night until I was 4, and they FINALLY discovered that I had various food allergies, and apparently they manifest themselves through sleep issues for many babies and toddlers. I figured I'd mention it because you never know.

Re: 10 months and counting...(LONG VENT)

First off, sending you
It seems like you have tried everything, and I'm sure you talked to your pediatrician too and used all of the suggestions. I wish I had some help to give you.

DEFINITELY time to ask your husband to take some night wakings.

And, do not feel guilty for feeling how you feel. You need to get it out sometimes. Your feelings sound totally understandable and I think anyone would agree. J



Carolyn