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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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How much for OOS wedding
So we are going to our first OOS wedding. We now live OOS, but we have only attended weddings back home. My DH responded “yes” bc we didn’t have anything on the calendar but I would have declined, so I have no idea what to give them.
It’s both of their 2nd weddings, and they invited our entire family (DH and I as well as our 4 kids). We aren’t close, but our DDs get along ok. It’s casual dress and like a picnic style wedding, my DH said the groom stated it’s BYOB, whatever the hell that means. And I believe it’s only a reception or we weren’t invited to the ceremony.
So besides the fact I have no idea how to dress, how much do I give? I tried looking at calculators online and when I put the stuff in, it was saying $125 which I think is crazy since it’s 6 of us. But I’ve never been to a wedding OOS or for people I wasn’t even friends with  .. $300? $50 per person? More, less? Help!
TIA!
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Posted 5/22/18 3:41 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Wait, is the wedding local to you, or you have to travel? I'm confused by all the OOS references 
I think traditions for what people give for a wedding on LI can be higher/different than what people give in other parts of the country.
So if i'm reading this correctly and you're now living OOS, and the wedding is local to where you live now - you should probably ask people who live around you, or go on local fb pages there to find out what is the norm there.
on a side note.. BYOB to a wedding reception? Don't care how casual of a picnic it is, that's ballsy to ask. What did the invite say?
I'd dress like you were going to a nice bbq - maybe a cute summer dress?
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| Posted 5/22/18 3:46 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
I'd be deducting the price of the bottle I am bringing from the gift.
BYOB?
T.A.C.K.Y
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| Posted 5/22/18 3:47 PM |
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How much for OOS wedding
I went to a similar type wedding in FL for DHs family... MOB wore jeans to the reception to give you an idea how casual. We gave $100. We had to pay to go, they didn’t give us anything for our wedding a few years prior.... I think we would have gotten strange looks TBH giving $300-$400. It’s bjat not the norm
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| Posted 5/22/18 3:57 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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How much for OOS wedding
Are they registered? I might give them a gift in this case - probably wouldn't spend more than 100. If you aren't good friends and its BYOB, its more than enough.
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| Posted 5/22/18 4:04 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17795 total posts
Name:
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How much for OOS wedding
I think $100 is perfect.
Out of state weddings are a lot less formal and in many cases BYOB is the norm.
I went to one with a cash bar and kegs...
Message edited 5/22/2018 4:44:39 PM.
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| Posted 5/22/18 4:44 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Posted by NervousNell
I'd be deducting the price of the bottle I am bringing from the gift.
BYOB?
T.A.C.K.Y
Normal in many areas. Most of my family had wedding in a fire house with a keg of bud
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| Posted 5/22/18 5:19 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Posted by alli3131
Posted by NervousNell
I'd be deducting the price of the bottle I am bringing from the gift.
BYOB?
T.A.C.K.Y
Normal in many areas. Most of my family had wedding in a fire house with a keg of bud
I don't care about a keg of bud. But as the people throwing the wedding, at least provide said keg. Don't ask guests to provide their own booze.
Why not make it a potluck and everyone brings their own food too?
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| Posted 5/22/18 5:19 PM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Posted by Otherme
Wait, is the wedding local to you, or you have to travel? I'm confused by all the OOS references
I think traditions for what people give for a wedding on LI can be higher/different than what people give in other parts of the country.
So if i'm reading this correctly and you're now living OOS, and the wedding is local to where you live now - you should probably ask people who live around you, or go on local fb pages there to find out what is the norm there.
on a side note.. BYOB to a wedding reception? Don't care how casual of a picnic it is, that's ballsy to ask. What did the invite say?
I'd dress like you were going to a nice bbq - maybe a cute summer dress?
Sorry for the late response! We now do live OOS in PA. My local friends I feel funny asking about money, so I made DH ask his coworkers but since they were all men, I wasn’t sure if they were giving low figures bc that’s typical or they don’t know lol.
Yeah the BYOB thing is just crazy to me. It didn’t say that on the invite, but DH talks to the groom pretty often ((our DDs play soccer together)). The invite said picnic casual, which made me scratch my head. I figure I’ll wear a nice maxi dress, but I’m dreading this “wedding”.
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| Posted 5/22/18 6:38 PM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I was telling DH that I’m bringing a flask, bc liquor is the only thing that will get me through this wedding!
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| Posted 5/22/18 6:40 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Posted by mommy2B3
Sorry for the late response! We now do live OOS in PA. My local friends I feel funny asking about money, so I made DH ask his coworkers but since they were all men, I wasn’t sure if they were giving low figures bc that’s typical or they don’t know lol.
Yeah the BYOB thing is just crazy to me. It didn’t say that on the invite, but DH talks to the groom pretty often ((our DDs play soccer together)). The invite said picnic casual, which made me scratch my head. I figure I’ll wear a nice maxi dress, but I’m dreading this “wedding”.
Maybe the groom is mistaken and the bride would be mortified if she found out her fiancé was telling everyone to bring their own booze?!
I would give in the $100-$200 range if there are 6 of you going.
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| Posted 5/22/18 8:32 PM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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How much for OOS wedding
Outside of NY this is all very common. You can either give a gift off the registry or $100. If it’s a casual affair potluck and byob is very common and isn’t viewed as tacky at all. I usually like weddings OOS they are very laid back and are usually a blast.
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| Posted 5/22/18 9:10 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by alli3131
Posted by NervousNell
I'd be deducting the price of the bottle I am bringing from the gift.
BYOB?
T.A.C.K.Y
Normal in many areas. Most of my family had wedding in a fire house with a keg of bud
I don't care about a keg of bud. But as the people throwing the wedding, at least provide said keg. Don't ask guests to provide their own booze.
Why not make it a potluck and everyone brings their own food too?
Oh we have had pot luck ones too. If you have never lived off LI you don’t realize how odd it really is here.
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| Posted 5/22/18 9:24 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Posted by alli3131
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by alli3131
Posted by NervousNell
I'd be deducting the price of the bottle I am bringing from the gift.
BYOB?
T.A.C.K.Y
Normal in many areas. Most of my family had wedding in a fire house with a keg of bud
I don't care about a keg of bud. But as the people throwing the wedding, at least provide said keg. Don't ask guests to provide their own booze.
Why not make it a potluck and everyone brings their own food too?
Oh we have had pot luck ones too. If you have never lived off LI you don’t realize how odd it really is here.
For someone who won't eat food cooked in a kitchen of someone they don't know, this sounds like a nightmare to ne! I'd be stopping at McDonald's before hand!
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| Posted 5/22/18 9:30 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Posted by NervousNell
For someone who won't eat food cooked in a kitchen of someone they don't know, this sounds like a nightmare to ne! I'd be stopping at McDonald's before hand!
DH and I had to stop at McDonald's after a dry wedding that served bagels. It was oos at the bride's grandfather's multimillion dollar beach house and both the bride and groom were from NY (the bride from LI actually).
Multimillion dollar beach house. They didn't even spring for vegetable cream cheese. Only plain.
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| Posted 5/22/18 9:48 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by NervousNell
For someone who won't eat food cooked in a kitchen of someone they don't know, this sounds like a nightmare to ne! I'd be stopping at McDonald's before hand!
DH and I had to stop at McDonald's after a dry wedding that served bagels. It was oos at the bride's grandfather's multimillion dollar beach house and both the bride and groom were from NY (the bride from LI actually).
Multimillion dollar beach house. They didn't even spring for vegetable cream cheese. Only plain.
I'm sorry but just because you aren't on Long Island is not an excuse to be cheap. Especially when you clearly can afford better.
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| Posted 5/22/18 9:55 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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How much for OOS wedding
I think $100 is more than enough for what you've described. You could also buy a gift, that is very acceptable and common out of the NYC metro area.
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| Posted 5/23/18 8:33 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
I wouldn't give cash, I'd buy a nice gift instead ESPECIALLY with it being a second marriage for both and a casual reception. Out of state weddings aren't like NY, it's not the hoopla and crazy gift giving that we're use to.
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| Posted 5/23/18 9:11 AM |
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Tulip9
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/14 597 total posts
Name:
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
I personally think this is an occasion when you bring a blank check and evaluate it when you see what the situation is.
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| Posted 5/23/18 10:21 AM |
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lightblue
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 2249 total posts
Name:
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Not all OOS weddings are inexpensive, just saying. My brother got married in Rochester, where his wife is from (which is technically still NY, but not like LI weddings) and it actually cost more for him to have his wedding there vs. having his wedding on LI. It is because he had to pay every item per person- so each hor's deurves had a per person price, each main course had a diff price, pay for drinks, etc. Wheras in NY you pay one price for everything and includes open bar. I ended up giving the same as I would for a wedding here.
If its really BYOB though, then I would give less.
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| Posted 5/23/18 10:48 AM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
For those of you saying give a gift, is that only if they have a registry? They don’t have a registry, or at least I couldn’t find one but I wasn’t invited to the shower, so it makes it a lot harder to figure out a price point, and I wouldn’t know what to buy otherwise.
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| Posted 5/23/18 11:36 AM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2B3
Sorry for the late response! We now do live OOS in PA. My local friends I feel funny asking about money, so I made DH ask his coworkers but since they were all men, I wasn’t sure if they were giving low figures bc that’s typical or they don’t know lol.
Yeah the BYOB thing is just crazy to me. It didn’t say that on the invite, but DH talks to the groom pretty often ((our DDs play soccer together)). The invite said picnic casual, which made me scratch my head. I figure I’ll wear a nice maxi dress, but I’m dreading this “wedding”.
Maybe the groom is mistaken and the bride would be mortified if she found out her fiancé was telling everyone to bring their own booze?!
I would give in the $100-$200 range if there are 6 of you going.
I don’t get the feeling she would be mortified. At a soccer game she was openly speaking about what they will do with the money they get from guests. It’s just all around very awkward and I could kill DH for RSVPing without checking with me lol. And I think your price point is what we are thinking too.
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| Posted 5/23/18 11:41 AM |
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lorich
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Member since 6/05 9987 total posts
Name:
Grammie says "Lora Gina"
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Re: How much for OOS wedding
$125 or $150 cash/check is fine.
Seriously - weddings off of LI, and the metro surrounding area are more the norm than what is around here. If anything it's "smarter" being the rate of divorce is so high - this is their second wedding for both so they're doing it a lot smarter this time around I'm sure.
Have fun - it's great the kids are invited and it's casual.
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| Posted 5/23/18 11:43 AM |
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