"No friends"... any advice?

so-- my oldest DS is in 1st grade. He just turned 7. when i ask him who he played with at recess or what he did, he'll say things like "I just walked around by myself. Nobody really played with me." He also hasn't really ever gotten called for any playdates or anything (not that we've been great about inviting kids over, either....)
he doesn't seem TOO sad about it, and maybe he likes the time by himself at recess. but i'm sure it has to be affecting him a little bit...
he's the oldest in his class with a november birthday- AND he was our only child until this past march when we adopted our younger son. so he had A LOT of time with just adults. so a lot of times he'll talk like a little adult. and he's also really bright (as his teacher said) so i'm wondering if he just doesn't know how to relate to the other kids that well.
even at his activities like Boy Scouts he'll play with the other kids for a little bit, then come back to us or go on his own.
I know we need to be better about setting up playdates (i'm a total introvert and don't like people in my house HAHAHAHA so i need to get over that!) and like i said, he doesn't seem TOO upset over it, but i know its gotta be affecting him a little bit, so i want to see if i can help him along.
Any advice???

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Unless he has explicitly told you that he is sad about it, I would venture to guess that it is affecting you way more than it is affecting him. Are there any organized activities at recess that you can encourage him to join in? Our school has a few organized things like soccer and kickball.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

I don’t have advice as I’m going through something similar. My DS is in kindergarten and says the same thing. Pretty sure it bothers me more than it bothers him. DS is really small for his age so I always worry that he’ll get picked on. The only thing I do is encourage him to seek out his friends to play with and don’t be too shy.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

My 9 year old has said this too but it's just a skewed perception. Instead of asking who he sat with at lunch, I'll ask other questions like did anyone else at his table have strawberries, etc. If you are really curious, find out how his socialization is in the class,etc.

We also do don't a lot of playdates but it's because of the lack for free time which I assume is the same for most families.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

My son just turned 7 a few weeks ago and he has said similar things..."I have no friends; I have no best friends; I don't talk to anyone...etc etc" Since pre-k (he's in 2nd now and the youngest kid in the class-opposite of yours), I've asked about socialization with his teachers and they all have reported pretty much the opposite of what he says. He has two older sisters and frequently asks for a brother to play with...ummmm...no!

So, for me, it's important that he's in outside activities. He does baseball and soccer both seasons (I have noticed that since the boys in baseball do not go to his school, it does take him a long time to warm up to them) and I basically forced him...lol...to do a Saturday basketball clinic now, during the other sports' offseason.

Also, I had to bite the bullet and have a couple of boys over. I say bite the bullet because I had some phobia about inviting a bunch of little boys over to destroy my house...ha! Anyhow, the house was mostly intact and they all had fun.

In the end, it does sound like you feel worse about it than he does, but I totally understand because I've been there!

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Play dates.
They bond the kids that would normally just see each other. Then they have a “friend” in the old fashioned sense (which I think is nice).
You don’t have to do many. A few will work.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

DD is in pre school and DS is almost 2.

But when they start real school this is a big concern of mine too.
My wife and I are both introverts so we won't have any tips on how to make friends for the kids

:(

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Honestly I’d probably leave it alone. I was an introvert as a kid. My sister and I are 9 years apart so I spent a lot of hanging out with adults before she came around and turned my life upside down.

I was also a bright kid and frankly most kids usually annoyed me. I would tell my mom why are they so weird? They laugh at booger jokes or whatever which I thought was so stupid. Yet I was the only one who wasn’t laughing.

Eventually I got older and grew into my own skin. I don have tons of friends but the ones I have I have had literally forever. My sister is very outgoing and has lots of friends, but I would call acquaintances, none that she is super close to or has been friends with for over 5 years.

My mom was an extrovert and was always pushing me to go play, go talk to people and I friggen hated it. I vowed to never do this to my kids. I have twins and they are night and day. I swear my one son is my mom reincarnated. He will talk to literally any one about anything which annoys his twin who often walks away to sit on the side and kick dirt. I leave him be. He is usually the one on the playground examining different rocks and will have a kid come up and talk to him about the rocks. They find their own way.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

You need to set up play dates for your kid with children from his class and take him to local classes with kids from school. If your school psychologist has a social skills class see if you can enroll him. As someone who had the same experience growing up I don't wish it on any other child.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Do you know the other kids in the class? I'd think of a few boys and ask your son if he'd like 1 or 2 to come over during holiday break. Would he even like kids over? The answer could be no. If yes, maybe have them & the moms at your house for pizza and a craft or pizza & a movie. I say 2 boys so they form a little friend group.

Message edited 11/28/2017 11:04:25 AM.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Ask him who he’d like to have over for a playdate and set it up for him. Maybe he’d do better hanging with someone one-on-one instead of with a whole bunch of kids running around at recess.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

My son is older (18) and doesn't have many friends. He has one friend that he hangs out with, they go to the movies etc. He was always well liked in school, everyone was nice to him, always said hi in the halls, always came to his parties. But, my son lacks social skills (autism spectrum), so he has always pretty much kept to himself. It doesn't bother him at all. He is happy as a clam doing things alone. I'm the one that pushes him to go to the movies with his one friend, etc.

I will say, less friends = less drama in your life. Especially with girls. My DD is 10, and several of her friends (and the parents) create a lot of drama, it's really annoying.

Message edited 11/28/2017 1:58:48 PM.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

My older DD was exactly like this. Always by herself at recess singing the soundtrack to descendants to herself lol. Even to the point where her 1st grade teacher gave me the phone #s to 2 moms to call. Which didn't help since I'm not too social myself, lol. But in the end towards the end of first grade she had her first play date and with a little pushing she (and I) ended up with friends, including the 2 the teacher gave me #s to. I have to say although she was fine with "no friends" she is sooo much happier now. I would say try to do a play date.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by Marbo

My older DD was exactly like this. Always by herself at recess singing the soundtrack to descendants to herself lol. Even to the point where her 1st grade teacher gave me the phone #s to 2 moms to call. Which didn't help since I'm not too social myself, lol. But in the end towards the end of first grade she had her first play date and with a little pushing she (and I) ended up with friends, including the 2 the teacher gave me #s to. I have to say although she was fine with "no friends" she is sooo much happier now. I would say try to do a play date.

LOL, the thought of calling up 2 moms I don't know to ask for a play date and then have to hang out with them on said play date gives me hives!
My social anxiety disorder would be kicking in in full effect!!

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Posted by hidingin1516

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by Marbo

My older DD was exactly like this. Always by herself at recess singing the soundtrack to descendants to herself lol. Even to the point where her 1st grade teacher gave me the phone #s to 2 moms to call. Which didn't help since I'm not too social myself, lol. But in the end towards the end of first grade she had her first play date and with a little pushing she (and I) ended up with friends, including the 2 the teacher gave me #s to. I have to say although she was fine with "no friends" she is sooo much happier now. I would say try to do a play date.

LOL, the thought of calling up 2 moms I don't know to ask for a play date and then have to hang out with them on said play date gives me hives!
My social anxiety disorder would be kicking in in full effect!!

That’s when texting is GREAT. Lol. I hate calling and talking on the phone. I hate having palydates lmao but I do them occasionally for my oldest. She’s has a group of friends but the girls are much closer than she is b/c they seem to see each all the time. But they live very close to each other and we don’t. I need to do more play dates. The only thing I can say is after school play dates are great. They come on the bus with my dd, then they get picked up. She’s in second grade so maybe a little older. The parents come and pick them up. And it’s short but enough and I don’t have to entertain the adults for long lol.

Re: "No friends"... any advice?

Kids also model what parents are doing and absorb everything. If you dont like having people over.. it translates. Like other have said, ask who he would like to have play date with and CALL that mom. If you and (other moms) ONLY like to text instead of having an old fashion conversation, kids will not learn how to carry on a conversation.

you can ask his teacher and school counselor what is going on during the day. Does he take part while in the class room, is he shy?

Good luck, Lunch time at schools is the hardest part of the day because many kids are left out or feel left out