My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

I am absolutely at my wits end. My dd's (4 years and 16 mos.) will not let my DH do anything for them as long as I am home. The two of them literally hang on me and if DH tries to get them dressed or put them to bed or wipe them, they will throw full-on temper tantrums. I can't deal anymore. I'm trying to balance the 2 of them at night and in the morning while DH stands by helpless. Of course I have mommy work guilt on top of it all, thinking that they are like this because I somehow neglect their needs.

Does anyone have any advice? I should add that dd1 was like this always, so even though I'm sure jealousy of dd2 plays some role, it's far from being the main thing here.

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

My one year old twins do this too, they will stand at the gate and yell for if they need something when DH is sitting right next to them . I think they are just used to me doing it.

My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

Ha. It's the complete opposite here. Dd1 (almost 4) always has to have daddy so everything. He's a novelty. They only see him for 2 hours a day at night and they're wth me all day.

It's a phase. Everything changes around.

My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

Same here. My DH will go to get my DS out of his crib in the morning and my DS will say no I want Mommy.

My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

It doesn't get much better with age. My DD is 10 and will facetime me while I'm at a meeting to ask me a question or to ask her to help find something while my DH is sitting right there.

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

I would pick some things that your DH is going to do in spite of their fighting it. If you put your foot down and let them see you won't do it despite the tantrum, they'll soon adapt.

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

DC are very frustrating, too. They are 13 and 10.

They often go to DW when the computer isn't working right.... and completely ignore the guy who works in IT and does ALL of the computer stuff in the house...

And they come to ME for food-related questions, when they know full well that I don't cook AT ALL, and DW loves to cook, and knows quite a bit about cooking...

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

This happens to me and honetly I have now been telling them no go ask your father.

I also got on DH case because he is lazy and doesn't want to get up so he will have them ask me cause I am up doing something. I told him it has to stop and he needs to get up so they don't just come to me.

IMO the key is just not to do it and tell them their father will do it and just walk away. I have been doing that and it works.

I do work full time but I have no guilt I can't do everything.

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

I'm a SAHM, so it's different, but on the weekend, I say "ask Daddy" a lot, lol. Before DD2 arrived, we started DH putting DD1 to bed and we did the same before DD3 arrived. It was a little rough at first, but they got used to it. I still need to help DD2 brush her teeth, but DH does pjs and storytime. If DD2 is cranky, she still only wants me. I feel like the more he does for them though, the more they are used to it. I would try having DH get them ready or put them to bed on the weekends when things are calmer to get them used to it.
You or DH might have to say mommy is busy, Daddy is helping you and you disappear to your room for a little while. Good luck!

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

It's the same with my 4yo and 2yo, though the 4yo is getting better at letting daddy do more. The more daddy does, the more open the kids are to it.

My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

I agree with having DH start doing more and not giving them a choice.

My DD is the same age as your younger one and is fine with either of us. Once I went back to work 12 weeks after she was born her care was handled pretty equally between us so it's all she knows.

Don't ever feel guilty about working. You are teaching your girls to be smart, independent women when they grow up and showing them they can do anything. You're doing an awesome job, momma! Hang in there!

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

No advice, but just want to let you know I am in the same boat with my 3 and 4yo. They will cry, kick, run away if dh tries to do anything for them. There have been nights where my 4yo won't go to bed until I get home.

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

Thank you everyone. I agree that it's not just a phase. It's always been like this. I love the idea of picking one thing that's all DH, and then we can go from there. Thank you for the support.

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

When they ask you a question I would respond with well what does daddy say or think? So they have to go ask the same question to dad and see if he agrees with mom.

Tedious yes, but then they get used to going to dad for some things. I do this to Ella alot bc she will walk right past him and come into the bathroom while I am on the toilet to ask me.to change the channel to the TV.

I also agree leaving the house may be another way. A quick solo trip to Target during bed time and they will get used to Dad. Ella is so much better at bedtime when there is no other parent to play off of each other. And hey you can always come hide here! lolol

Message edited 5/5/2017 9:57:18 PM.

Re: My dd's won't let my DH do anything...

Great ideas! Thanks! I ignored the zillion requests streaming from her bedroom at bedtime the past few nights, and Lo and behold, she eventually called for him!