How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I swear some days I feel like I am drowning.
Working FT, 2 kids, a husband who sadly falls at the bottom of my "to do" list (pun intended!) LOL

I am basically walking around with 1 leg shaved, an 11 month old baby who I feels gets a fraction of the attention she deserves and a pile of shit on my desk that I don't care about!

SIGH

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I don't keep my house clean
I don't shave my legs in the winter unless I'm wearing a skirt (and if it's dark tights that I am wearing with the outfit, not then either)




DH helps a lot because he's retired so it's a bit different.
But I'm lazy.
My priorities are myself and my family and bringing home a paycheck....the rest can go to hell.

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I don't. I'm a hot mess.

I recently got a job on LI thinking the commute would be easier than the city. The commute is marginally better, I hate the job, and I have zero ability to work from home. I'm more tired and miserable than ever.

ETA it's a big reason why we're one and done. I don't have as much time as I want for one, I'm going to split my attention into two? Yeah, ok.

Message edited 4/3/2017 3:10:01 PM.

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I barely do honestly.


I also feel like I am drowning constantly. My life is a mess.

My house is a mess all.the.time. Once it gets cleaned its a mess 2 hours later.

I do laundry at night but don't fold them the same day.

I try give attention as much as I can to my kids.

I won't lie though I go to bed late so I always give myself a couple of hours to my self ; if I don't I would probably loose my shit!

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

It's hard and I believe impossible to balance it all. My youngest is almost 2 and it's gotten easier than when he was a baby.

A few things we do
-outsource. We have a cleaning person and lawn service
-shop online. Amazon comes daily. No time to run to stores, etc. get groceries delivered even if it's on occasion
-cook in batches and freeze half for easy weeknight meal. I usually food prep and/or cook on sundays too
-say no to things. We decline parties and invites if there's too much going on. We need downtime too.
-don't expect things to be like they were before kids. You have a lot more on your plate. Don't be too hard on yourself. It really doesn't matter if laundry sits a day or you have dust under your furniture.
- take turns. We always ask each other what needs to happen on a weekend and take turns. Example I want a run and he wants a haircut. We usually alternate getting up with the kids sat or sun so the other person can get an extra hour of sleep
-hire a sitter or ask for family help. Everyone deserves a break
-take advantage of child care. I sent my kids to daycare and treated myself to a massage and ran errands on MLK day. The gift card was 2 years old!

Having 2 careers and young kids is hard. Hang in there, I do think it's easier now that the baby is a toddler.

HTH !

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

Uhhh girlllll.....I FEEL YA!

Dh and I both work full time. Almost 2 yr old twins and we are a hot mess.

The only thing I ever really do for myself is a mani/pedi every other week. Dh plays football on Sundays in the winter and Softball in the Spring/Summer. I never go to the supermarket. I use Fresh Direct and Blue Apron. Amazon and Diapers.com for stuff for the twins. It's been a HUGE life saver. I spend one day (Saturday or Sunday) cooking for the week. It sucks. I hate it. Don't get me wrong, I love cooking but I don't want to spend the entire day doing it but it makes our weeknights soooo much easier!
Having the twins has been really hard on our marriage. It tests us each and every day. We fall into bad habits but just try to remind ourselves that we are still husband and wife...not just Mommy and Daddy. Our kids still don't sleep through the night....so the evenings are killer. We are exhausted EVERY DAY! We just keep waiting for it to get better.

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

Thank you all so much for the commiserating and the helpful tips!! It's nice to hear I'm not the only one struggling. Some pple look so put together and I just can't seem to get there in even one category lol at least I'm not alone!!

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

Thank you all so much for the commiserating and the helpful tips!! It's nice to hear I'm not the only one struggling. Some pple look so put together and I just can't seem to get there in even one category lol at least I'm not alone!!

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I dont. I don't have it together at all. I'm basically a full tI'm working single mom six days a week bc my DH is working and in law school. He's gone 7am to 11pm. My "my" time is the 30 minute lunch break I take to workout. My house is basically a mess. I try to straighten up almost every night though. We have cleaning people do a deep clean every other week. We're overflowing in laundry and live out of hampers (I never put stuff away). Once the kids are asleep I sometimes can just relax for an hour after I straighten up and get our stuff together for the next day. Haven't had a manicure in like 6 months. I get my hair done every 6 weeks though and go for a massage once a month. Amazon prime is also my best friend. My mom drops off groceries and cooks for us most nights a week so that helps a ton. I'm actually super bores lately. Not even overwhelmed, I'm use to the routine and lifestyle I am just BORED lol.

After having kids I realize just how much free time I used to have lol. I couldve done anything lol.

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I only have 1 who is almost 3 and I'd say it's just in the last 6 months that I feel more together although my house could probably be cleaner and my laundry could be folded/put away. I schedule almost everything (date night, gym time, play dates, shopping, girls night, etc) which has really helped. I do all meal prep on Sunday.

I also make DH help me. I used to wait for him to offer, but that wasn't working. I have also been trying to make our relationship a priority hence the scheduled date nights.

This is one reason I'm contemplating being one and done.

Message edited 4/3/2017 8:55:50 PM.

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

Well I don't work so that helps. My kids obviously get a lot of my time since I am home with them all day. As for my DH, I do make sure we always have time for just "us" because IMO, it's important to remember to be a couple as much as it is to be parents. Kids won't be with you forever but your spouse (hopefully) will.

Enter bedtimes. (and routines...........I'm HUGE with routines, makes life so much easier!!)

My kids are 8 and 4, the little one is in bed every night at 7 and my older DD at 8. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. So from 8pm until we go to bed, it's all about DH and I. We talk, cuddle, watch movies, listen to music, and just hang out. Nighttime is always our time to just relax and focus on "us" without the distraction of kids. I live for my nights because after a long day filled with kids, errands, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc I need to be able to just decompress, relax, and feel like a human again instead of just "mom".

Also, weekends are for family. DH and I have always been "homebodies" so we're not huge on going out and socializing constantly. When the weekends roll around we tend to just spend time with the kids doing family activities. DH and I tend to do everything together on the weekends, we are pretty attached to one another. LOL

As for time to myself, that's few and far between. LOL When my LO starts Kindergarten in another year and half I will get back some "me time" and be able to do the things I want while both kids are in school. Right now, especially because my DS is such a handful, it's really hard to find the time to anything for myself.

Message edited 4/4/2017 9:27:48 AM.

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I feel like I have it together but when I say that it's to my standards and not others or what society tells us we should be doing things. My life is far from perfect but we are happy and that's all that matters.

So by letting go and not putting self imposed pressures on me it has let me let go of things and really just enjoy things. It got easier as my ds got older. He's 5 and is a help around the house and somewhat self sufficient. It was a struggle more when he was younger. But I have to say we are a team. DH DS and I all pitch in. DH is carrying the family right now as I am recovering from knee surgery and have a hard time walking let alone do anything else but we know it's temporary so he's picking up the slack and I would do the same.

Without us as a team the wheels would fall off and it would be chaos. IMO it's all about your own personal expectations on how you want things to be. Don't let society dictate expectations!!!!!

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I do the best I can. I have learned that I have to let some things go (usually related to housework).

My parents come to visit on weekends which is nice - it leaves me time to go and run errands (DH usually works on weekends). And I try to get as much possible done for me during my lunch hour.

Thankfully our washer/dryer is right by our bedrooms so I do laundry when the kids take showers right before bedtime.

DS 1 buys lunch most of the time so I don't need to pack him a lunch.

I've prioritized my family over my career so I'm not looking for advancement or taking on huge new projects to move ahead.

Now that my kids are getting older, I've learned to rely on others for help - and they are relying on me as well (takes a village).

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

This thread is surprisingly comforting to read as a mom. There are days where I am wondering, how does everyone do this, and what am I doing wrong? Because we clearly don't see what goes on behind closed doors. I am a planner to a certain extent. Lately things have been piling up and getting messy. In the past it might have bothered me more, but I am choosing my battles. Yesterday I didn't make my bed. I ALWAYS make my bed. But guess what? Life went on and no one cared that the bed wasn't made. I also laugh when I think back to my life before being a mom when I was stressed or tired... HAH if I only knew.

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

Thank you for posting this!!! We are in the same boat. I just asked my DH the other day- how does everyone get dishes done??? Ours were in the sink for like 3 days, I know so gross.

We both work FT and I get home about 6:45pm. I like to have 3 hours with my kids at night so I don't feel like I miss the whole day with them, but that makes bedtime 9:30pm, sometimes 10pm by the time they are asleep. Part of it is because I don't have the time to put them to bed earlier anyway! lol I usually cook one big pot of something on Sunday, I don't cook all day long bc I try to spend time much needed cleaning (picking things up), and also with the kids- but nothing ever gets done fully- so lots of half done chores. This week I made a pot of chili, so I can just ask DH to warm it on the stove on my way home from work, one night will be chili, one night chili dogs. Then maybe chicken one night, and I think we are making a pizza another night. So dinner is usually made in 30-45 mins. If we eat by 7:30pm, done by 8pm. Spend half hour with kids, upstairs and unwinding for bed/ bath once in a while lol started at 8:30pm, pjs, books, bam its 9:30!

If I do dishes then I don't see the kids, and after they are asleep I need to unpack backpack, make everyones lunches, and get some me or us time. I usually watch tv by 10:30 or fall asleep by then.

Kids don't sleep all night still (5 and 2 1/2 so they usually come into our bed). DH and I get early mornings together on weekends if we can wake up, or after 10pm if hes still up.

Im exhausted and just trying to keep up!

I take the kids food shopping as some together time, and try to do as much as I can with them. Im giving it 100% all the time and theres still dust all over my house again! HAHA uggh

Edited to add- I stay up late for me and usually go to bed about 1am if I don't fall asleep putting the kids to bed, or I would be trapped in the same circle but going insane with out the break. Im tired in the morning, but its my only time I get!

Message edited 4/4/2017 2:09:05 PM.

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I agree. Hearing all of this is so comforting!

Perhaps my daughters heard my mental cries of help bc last nite everyone slept and I woke up to the sound of rain at 5am. I actually got up, made my coffee and sat on the couch for 30 minutes in blissful quiet all by myself..

This was after last nite my 11 month spit up all over my pajamas and I hadn't noticed until it was there for about 15 minutes

How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I try to stay in the moment as much as possible. If we are at the park I don't let myself think of the errands I could be doing.

We have a nanny which makes things a lot easier - she will prep the kids foods, do their laundry, etc. We also have someone come into clean every other week and I don't get fussed over the messes that accumulate in the meantime.

I get up before the kids to run or workout, that is my daily time for myself - my husband and I make sure each of us has the time we need for ourselves and we try to do a date night once a month. During the week the kids eat before us (we'll change that when they get older), so we eat together (late, but still), and that is our time to connect and talk with each other.

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

I'm drowning. I'm due with #3 in five days and I'm trying not to panic since I already have my hands full with two! DH and I both work FT and we both also travel for it, which adds a whole other level of stress. DH is also in the Reserves and is gone quite a bit for that commitment. He's often gone on weekends, which is so difficult, and hasn't been easy for either of us.

We both get home late from work, so we eat late, put the kids to bed late. It's kind of a vicious cycle. We need to make some changes with the new baby, or I seriously think I'll lose the little sanity I have left.

There's very little me time or couple time. DH and I have been able to do some quick weekday lunches around work schedules, which has been nice but I would like to get in a date night here and there and that hasn't happened.

We try to have family time but we are often exhausted and need down time at home too. My house is such a mess and chaotic with the kids in everything. I need to organize and purge, and deep clean, but again, no time and energy.

I have two saving graces. My parents watch and help out with the kids. Both positives and negatives to that but I honestly don't know what I'd do without them. My mom also cooks for us. I think we would've starved by now! The second is I have a flexible work schedule, so I work from home a decent amount and can do so if the kids are sick or I'm sick.

My motto since I had my first is to just take it one day at a time. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself. I also wonder about those women who always seem to have it together. Surprisingly, I've had some candid conversations and they def have their issues and struggles too. It's nice not to feel so alone.

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

#3 did me in... she's great, but the two different age groups makes stuff hard (baby wants to be read to during homework time... and so on).

All time is "us" time. Until 9:30. Then everyone is asleep. We like it this way, but we do miss out on adult time.

Twice a week, I wake up before everyone (4:30 am) and go to gym. This has been the best for me. I haven't done my nails in a salon in 7 years and haven't cut my hair in a year... but I look great.

I try to put stuff away immediately. Once a week (Sunday night) everyone cleans. Even the 1 year old. This helps. Dishwasher is awesome as is the washing machine. I fold but kids put away laundry.

We live on our dining room table, which I have covered in layers and I try to keep that one room organized.

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

Basically I don't - - and I constantly feel like I'm shorting someone or something. I wish we could afford a cleaning service, but that's out of the question. We eat out way more than we should. I buy toothpaste from Amazon. I folded laundry last weekend but didn't put them away - we are grabbing clothes from there.

We did institute a Saturday night "date night". After putting the girls to bed, we order Chinese delivery and watch tv (lately we binge watched this is us). We just started doing this a few months ago, and we've come to rely on it mentally and in terms of our relationship.

Re: How do you make time for kids, husband, self etc?

Oh forget it, I'm a mess. I really just do what's necessary. I don't do anything special for myself beyond eating and a shower lol, and I should sleep more, but I find I need some time to just relax and "be" on my own for my sanity once the kids are asleep so I stay up way later than I should. As far as my husband & our relationship we mostly talk & catch up when we drive in the car if the kids fall asleep or at night we do things like Legos together lol or watching a tv show... but no real date nights & that's fine, neither of us feels like going anywhere anyway. I make time to pay the bills & take care of things I absolutely must, but cleaning (beyond the very basic stuff) generally falls by the wayside.. oh well. Luckily DH keeps on top of laundry and dishes. Spending time with the kids and making sure they've got whatever they need is really the first priority so we focus on that mainly.