Wanting a 2nd child but DH doesnt

Those of you who felt this way come on in - share your story... did you end up with 2nd child? any insight?

I am hoping DH will change his mind but not sure he will. Basic reasons are : he doesn't want to go back to infant stages, doesn't want to go through all the heartache we went through to conceive DS, doesn't want to see me sick again, worried about financial aspect of a second. DS is going to be 4 in December.

We never said we would only have 1 - we always said we would see how things went... I never thought I would only have 1 and would like a 2nd for DS and just because as sick and difficult as it was to conceive him I loved being pregnant and love kids - I would have 4 if I could - but at least 2 would be nice. I try not to talk about this anymore with DH because we end up arguing... just curious what others have experienced.

Re: Wanting a 2nd child but DH doesnt

We are the SAME person. My DH has the same exact feelings: "he doesn't want to go back to infant stages, doesn't want to go through all the heartache we went through to conceive DS, worried about financial aspect of a second", doesn't want to not sleep for 2 years AND doesn't want to have to schlep two kids around (to soccer, basketball, etc) I'd like to note I do ALL the schlepping!!!!

My DS is 2 and we were talking about having another since we would need to do IVF. We had to make a decision by November 4 so we could change our healthcare. Needless to say, we decided to wait another year....

If I'm honest, I am 100% on the fence about #2 and that's why we're not doing IVF this year. I loved being pregnant, but did not love infancy. I do however love toddlerhood!!! I feel like 1-2 years of baby is worth it to get another toddler - LOL!!!

My main concern is I have a grade 2 prolapse, which is not too bad, but I am afraid baby #2 would do irrevocable damage to my pelvic floor. If not for that, we'd be TTC this year.

Re: Wanting a 2nd child but DH doesnt

I'm in a similar situation. DH doesn't want me to go through everything I went through again (IVF, high-risk pregnancy, cerclage) but I would do it in a heartbeat! I have 4 brothers and always wanted lots of kids because I loved/love having a big family..DH is an only child and says he always had his cousins growing up and was perfectly happy with that.

DS is only 13 months so it's not anything I'm thinking about for a few more years, we will see. Not having infertility coverage is a big issue for us as well..I had to do 4 rounds of IVF before having DS, one which resulted in twins that we lost at 21 weeks..so I'm honestly just so thankful to have 1 happy and healthy child at the moment.

We said we will talk about it once DS is about 3 years old. If it's something we can financially do, we will probably do 1 round and hope for the best.

Re: Wanting a 2nd child but DH doesnt

DH and I were both on the fence about having a 2nd child.
We both work in the same demanding industry. Long hours, off hours , holidays weekends etc.

We also always knew way we didnt want them close together if we did have a second.
When DS turned 4, I realized I really did want another baby and I wanted DS to have a sibling. DH was not as enthusiastic as I was initially, but in the end we decided to at least try for a second child. Our thinking was nobody regrets having a baby... but I dont think i could live with the regret of not having another.
I now have a DD who is 13 months. She absolutely completes our family. She is my 6 year old DS's buddy. They love each other so much and are constantly making each other laugh.
I know this isnt for everyone.. but I'm so glad we decided to have another baby.

Wanting a 2nd child but DH doesnt

This was us as well. I wanted a second child badly, but my husband was not too sure. He liked that we were more mobile and could do things with our son fairly easily. We were in a great routine....but I just felt that I needed to give him a sibling, he would be a fantastic big brother and I just WANTED another baby. It was almost like I needed to have one. It took me two years of convincing....but we now have a second child. And my son loves my daughter to pieces. She looks at him like he's a God. He's 6 and she is just 5 months.

You need to keep bringing it up and talking about it, but try and be calm. For every fear my husband brought up, I had a convincing argument as to why it would work out.

Good luck!!

Wanting a 2nd child but DH doesnt

This was us. We adopted DS from Korea 4 years ago. He just turned 6. For the longest time, we were both on the fence about jumping in again. DS got older, easier to manage, we have a nice little thing going with just the 3 of us. Its a long, expensive process to adopt ( i have a genetic disorder where they don't recommend even trying IVF) and we just weren't sure we could handle it. BUT one day like 18 months ago, i was watching DS play by himself and just felt SO SAD. i just really felt like wanted him to have another kid around, to play with, talk to, etc. DH is an only child, and even he was like "yeah- now that i'm older, i wish i had a sibling- it was lonely growing up by myself." SOOO we jumped back in and should be traveling soon to bring our second son home from Korea its a little bit different for us, though because the new little guy is already 3... so theres only a 3 year ago difference. hopefully that means they'll be good playmates/ buddies. BUT even if they don't end up best buddies- growing up with a sibling teaches you important things. and, like somebody else said... i think we'll regret it more if we DON'T go for it than if we DO....
Its gonna be HARD with the logistics. schlepping 2 kids around to activities, keeping track of all their school stuff, etc-- especially since we don't live close to any family. BUT i try to focus on the good times- watching them play together, watching DS teach his little brother everything, and them having each other as they get older....

Wanting a 2nd child but DH doesnt

SO thanks everyone! VickiC thanks for your advise to keep talking - do you others feel the same? Should I keep bringing it up? Any suggestions on what worked for you? I don't know.. i bring it up casually and say hopefully you will have a change of heart or something like that blah blah.. The other thing he has mentioned that hes worried about is just our intimacy... it did take a dive after DS... i was really depressed... but I feel like I know what to expect and look for the second time around...I dont know... I just keep praying

Wanting a 2nd child but DH doesnt

I'm pregnant now with with #2. Dd will be 4 when little bean is born. We were both die hard one and done but after deaths in the family we talked about it and went for it. Got pregnant on the 2nd try with my fertility doctor. I had an extremely rough pregnancy and I'm only 7 weeks but this one is kicking my ass. We talked about it till we couldn't talk anymore and decided trying was the right thing for us.

Keep bringing it up but also listen to his fears.