Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

I posted a few weeks ago about issues i was having with our previous daycare. I went with my gut intuition and moved my 17 month old DD to a Tutor Time.

3 weeks later and she is STILL screaming at every drop off and clinging on to me like her life depends on it at pickup. She seems FINE though in the pictures they are sending during the day. Smiling etc.

She was at our previous daycare since she was a newborn so we never had these issues there. I was really hoping this transition would be smoother and than my husband and I are second guessing moving her at all.

Basically, for the first time, I feel like I need to choose between what I know in my heart is best for her in the long run and what will make her happy immediately.

Does anyone have any insight into how long it will be before she runs in happily? I haven't felt this clueless since the first night home from the hospital!

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

It all depends on the child. My kids started at their daycare at 11 weeks. They were fine when they were younger but, between ages 2-4 it was rough. They had great days but, were really clingy at drop off.

There were kids that started after them that always ran right in - no problems.

As long as they are happy during the day - it's all that matters.

Message edited 10/18/2016 8:18:01 AM.

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

I guess that is why I'm so concerned! I've only known her to be a happy and outgoing kid. This separation anxiety stuff is totally new, which is making me worried that moving her away from where she was comfortable has like damaged her emotionally or something.

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

I can't respond on the daycare stuff,but that age is when separation anxiety starts. If she's happy and safe during the day, maybe just ride this phase out.

When dd1 was 17 months she would scream bloody murder every time I put her down for a nap. She would work herself up so much that she would throw up by the time I even made it to the door. It lastest a week or two.

Maybe read books about how mommy always comes back. Sesame Street and Daniel tiger also have great episodes on it.

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

My son goes thru phases. We changed schools at 15 months and hes now been at this school for over a year and there are still some drop offs that are hard. He will tell me the whole drive that he wants to stay home (me too buddy, me too) and try to give me a hard time but I know he's having a blast as soon as I leave. Is she happy by the time you pick her up? I feel like if she looks happy in the pictures, and she's happy at pickup shes doing great!

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

My DS is 2. He has been in daycare a little over a year now. Some days drop off are good and other days he still gets emotional. I hate leaving him like that and wish financially I could stay home with my boys BUT after I leave he stops crying within minutes. When he gets emotional I peek through the window and I see that he calms down immediately. He enjoys "school" and often tells me when I pick him up he had fun. It's definitely the initial drop off/seperation. If your daughter seems happy during the day then it's most likely that initial seperation. Also, this is a new environment for her so it will take time. I know when they moved my DS from the infant room to toddler room it took him a couple weeks to adjust to the new teachers.
Hope it gets better for your DD soon!!

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

DS is almost 4 and has been at this day care for more than 2 years. He still gets clingy sometimes. You just have to make the drop off as quick as possible. The teachers are usually good at holding the child and distracting them. If you're seeing that she's fine throughout the day, then I wouldn't worry much. Drop off can be brutal for some kids for a long time.

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

If she is fine during the day, I would not worry about it. It is most likely separation anxiety and will happen wherever you go. 17 months is the age when it starts.

My DS has been going to daycare since 4 months old. He was fine from 4 months - 18 months. At 18 months, he started to be clingy at daycare. He has more or less cried EVERY DAY at drop off since he was 21 months. He is now 2.5 years old. At pick up, sometimes he refuses to leave with me and begs to stay...

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

depends on the kid. some at my son's daycare only did it for a week or two. Some very inconstantly all the time and one kid is almost every day. The kid that cries every morning is a friend of my DS and he is perfectly fine shortly after mom or dad leave.

I would not move just because of drop off anxiety. It will get better.

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

Thanks everyone!

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

Did you have an issue at the previous daycare or was it just the separation anxiety with DD and her screaming when you dropped off?

IMO, if you had her at the previous place since she was a newborn and there were no issues other than your DD getting upset at drop-off then I would bring her back there.

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

I had issues at her other daycare that occasionally made me concerned about her safety, but she was 100% comfortable there.

We moved her to a place where I am confident she is safe, but now I am worried about her emotional health because this separation anxiety and crying at drop off is coming out of nowhere.

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

It's totally normal and is just her getting used to something new. However, if you feel that she isn't happy at the new place or something is making her feel uncomfortable at drop off I wouldn't dismiss those feelings.

We switched DD's daycare at 2 when we moved from Brooklyn to LI. She had been at her previous daycare since she was 6 months old and was so comfortable and happy there. She would rarely cry at drop off and usually ran in so happy. When we moved her to the new daycare she was an absolute mess at every drop off. Complete hysterics. Even when I would tell her we are on our way to school she would become hysterical and start saying "no school, no friends" over and over again. All the pictures I got of her during the day showed her happy, but she would get so upset anytime I would mention school and was so hysterical at drop offs.

Finally after 2 and half weeks of that behavior I just had this gut feeling that she wasn't adjusting and really didn't like the new program. I ended up switching her again, despite DH being totally against it, and it was the best decision I ever made. She loves this new program and is her happy and bubbly self every time she gets dropped off. I just think this new day care was more understanding of her anxiety and the teachers were more loving toward her and that made such a huge difference.

I would say give it a little more time, but if you are having any doubts talk to the center and also see what other day cares are out there. Hugs to you though because I know how tough it is!!!

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

Separation anxiety starts around then my DS has been going to the same daycare since 12 weeks old and he cried for months when I dropped him off. He stopped once I left. He just finally stopped doing it over the summer.

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

Thank you for making me feel less crazy because unless things get drastically better by the end of this week I think I want to take her back to the old place. Right now my husband thinks I'm literally insane so it's really hard.

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

I would give it more time. If she's still like this in a month I would reconsider. There are good days and bad days with any kid but if she consistently screams every single day for 2 months straight, I'm not sure I could deal with that, especially if there was no separation anxiety at the old place.

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

I'm really hoping something happens one way or another (like it gets better or much worse) really soon because this entire situation is killing me.

Thanks so much for your input.

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

My DD is 15 months and she still clings/cries a little when dropping her off at daycare. She has been going there since she was 3 months old so she knows the people there. I think it is just the age. They say she stops crying after a few min.

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

My kids both went to the same daycare from the day I went back to work with each of them. They both went through phases of crying at drop off. It comes and goes, give it a few weeks she will adjust.

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

Thanks everyone. Drop off was "better" (according to my husband) this morning - we actually asked if we could start dropping her off in the toddler room, since she will be moving up in 2 weeks anyway. There is so much more going on there and I think that really helped draw her in. We are now committed to stay until she moves up full time and see if things improve.

In the meantime I have lost 3 lbs because I'm sick to my stomach over this whole thing. Being a working Mom sure does SUCK sometimes.

Re: Daycare Moms, talk me off the ledge here...

My DD started day care at 4 months. She didn't stop getting upset at drop off until 3.5 yrs old.

She's 4.5 now and still gets clingy.