Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

I don't know what to do. DS will NOT go to sleep for me anymore!!! I literally spend 2-3+ hours a day trying to get him to sleep! Nursing, rocking, walking around, rubbing his back...NOTHING is working! Yesterday I had to put him in his crib (he never goes in there because we co-sleep) because I just couldn't deal anymore. He screamed for 5 minutes and I took him out and was able to get him to sleep after that. Today it's been over 2 hours trying to get him down for a nap and I just gave up. DH is trying to get him to sleep now. I feel like I am going insane! I just don't know what to do. I am so close to just putting him in his crib and doing CIO because I feel like I'm almost at the point that I don't care anymore (but I obviously still do, I just feel so drained from this). I don't want to do CIO, but what are my other options? I can't live like this

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

How old is he?

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

I don't have any advice, because I am a CIO mom, but I totally get your frustration and wanted to give you

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

We did the ferber method . . . not full blown CIO but it worked for us.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

we did the pick up/put down method - its modified CIO.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Is this maybe just a phase? Could he be teething? How old is he?

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Ds is 13 months

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

we just went through this with 14 month old dd. It was all about timing. I think we may have figured it out. I am a CIO mom but she would scream and scream and scream. We did everything in out power to calm her. Then we transitioned to 1 afternoon nap and an earlier bedtime. The past few nights and naps she will talk and fuss but no where near what she was doing before hand.

Take a look at what times you are putting him down and adjust. Now, we wake her at 7/7:30 am, naps around 12/12:15 and bed by 7/7:15.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

I'm an anti CIO. I resigned myself to a tough few years. It was part of the price I paid to not listen to my child scream uncontrollably.

I never 'put her down' for a nap. If she was sleepy then she slept. If not, well we'd just not nap. I recall times she'd get cranky and need a nap but wouldn't. It was a battle I'm glad is over. The kicking screaming, ugh. But we just held her or let her burn off some steam crying. Usually she was mad at us because she was cranky but didn't know how to express herself and didn't want to sleep.

Its not really CIO its more like time out for bad behavior. Yes, I did time outs at 13-14m. We'd leave her on the floor and walk out of her line of sight. We'd wait a good five minutes. If she was still crying (yes 5mins is forever) she'd usually be so desperate at that point to see us that she'd quiet right down. But we held her to go to sleep. I have never left my child in a crib crying with the intent that she'd cry herself to sleep. She was rarely left in her crib for time out either (felt it would send a mix message) but my point is its not really CIO to let them cry for a bit.

We co-slept as well.

I consider CIO more or less, cry until you sleep.

Good Luck. Don't worry it WILL pass.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

I'm a pro-CIO mom, but Im starting to believe its not always necessary. Can I ask a few question that may help us and even you see what can help?

Does he know how to self soothe? Is he always relying on you to soothe him? You can teach him to self soothe without CIO. Lie with him and show him how you snuggle and close your eyes. Practice relaxing. Take deep breaths. And ask him to relax.

If there was a phase like this, do you know what caused the previous phase?

Is he on any kind of schedule or even routine? Anything new happening that wasn't happening. He watching a new show? He discovered something new? New milestones?

Is his lunch making him hyper? No matter what DS eats, he gets a burst of energy and I have to encourage him to run around a bit to burn it off, or he'll be too wired for a nap. I always have a little routine to settle him down right before a nap.

Is he having trouble with naps? or night time? or both? Is he always sleeping in the same place as before?


Is his bed a warm and welcome place to him? He have anything to snuggle with? Around 12m I would put a book and water sippy in the crib along with his lovey. And he's sit and read before he'd lie down for nap. Its like he has so much on his mind, he needed an outlet to relax before he went to sleep.

When you say he wont go to sleep for you, does he sleep for anyone else? Anywhere else?

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Ian went through his at 13 months too and thats when I did CIO for the first time. I did the Ferber Method and it worked. It was so hard for me the first night, but after that it was SOOO much better for all of us.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

13 Months....maybe he doesnt want to held to go to sleep, maybe he is ready to go to sleep on his own, in his own space ?

Can I suggest :
Put him in his crib/ your bed and see if he cuddles up and goes to bed.


I'm not a CIO person. DD would fall asleep on the couch and then we would transfer her to her crib.
Around 15 months she was taking longer and longer to fall asleep on the couch with us.
1 night when I knew she was exhausted, I layed her in her crib, tucked her in, gave her her dolly for comfort, said goodnight and shut the light.
it wasnt even 5 minutes of fussing....
we havent looked back since.

Best thing I ever did.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Take him for a drive. Go for a stroller walk. Wear him. Change your expectations....maybe he's not tired. Try to get him down for a bit then stop if it's not working. Try again in 30 minutes. Repeat every half hour, but remember to play during those 30 minute increments. Could be teething....offer a remedy (Boiron's Camilla worked well for my DS). Could be he's changing his sleep schedule. Take a long shower and put him on the bathroom floor with some cool toys. Best of all...follow his cues. He will sleep when he needs to. As frustrating as this can be for us (especially when we need a rest, nap, meal, privacy..etc)....we are not the bosses of them. We can lead them to water but can't make 'em drink. He WILL sleep and he WILL fall into a new pattern all on his own time frame. Just be patient during these transitional times.

Message edited 7/18/2011 2:45:09 PM.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

HIYA

I feel your pain but I would not fight it. how many times a day is he napping.

around this time Luce went from 2 naps to 1. he fought the early nap tooth and nail.

I also agree that you may want to just try laying down next to him but not holding on. as mine got older, he would try to buck away.

now he like to touch me..hair, skin, arm, hand, but he does NOT like to be held to go to sleep. so I lay down next to him and he gets himself to sleep.

but yeah, for naps I don't fight for too long. after a half an hour, go play and knock yourself out!

it may be time to revamp your schedule!!!

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Does he know how to self soothe? Is he always relying on you to soothe him? If he wakes in the middle of the night, we lay in bed with him and he closes his eyes and goes right back to sleep, so I'm guessing that's the extent of him self soothing. He started that about 5 months ago, prior to that I had to nurse him every time he woke up.

If there was a phase like this, do you know what caused the previous phase? I have no idea, but from googling it seemed like a common occurence for BF babies around 8-9 months. He was definitely fighting sleep like he is now.

Is he on any kind of schedule or even routine? Anything new happening that wasn't happening. He watching a new show? He discovered something new? New milestones? We don't have a schedule, but we have routines. We were visiting my family in Florida for the entire month of June, and everything was kind of thrown off, although he didn't seem affected by it. He still STTN, went down for naps, etc. A lot of his afternoon naps were in the car & the stroller, and we were able to transfer him successfully from carseat to stroller to bed, which was fairly new. One week before we came home he started waking up at 5am again and I would nurse him back to sleep, otherwise he wouldn't go back to sleep (he's was normally up at 7:30, now it's around 8:30). No new shows because I don't let him watch TV, nothing else new really. We're much busier no that it's the summer, we try and get out every day.

Is his lunch making him hyper? No matter what DS eats, he gets a burst of energy and I have to encourage him to run around a bit to burn it off, or he'll be too wired for a nap. I always have a little routine to settle him down right before a nap. His morning nap is before lunch, afternoon nap is 2-3 hours after lunch.

[I[Is he having trouble with naps? or night time? or both? Is he always sleeping in the same place as before? Mostly naps, he's exhausted by the time bedtime comes around. About twice a week it takes me over an hour, sometimes 2 hrs to get him to sleep at night. He's always in our bed, nothing has changed.


Is his bed a warm and welcome place to him? He have anything to snuggle with? Around 12m I would put a book and water sippy in the crib along with his lovey. And he's sit and read before he'd lie down for nap. Its like he has so much on his mind, he needed an outlet to relax before he went to sleep. I can't let him go to sleep by himself because he'll go over the edge of the bed or walk right over the side. It is a warm & welcome place to him though, and he likes to snuggle with only mommy (sometimes daddy). we tried a lovey at 5 months and he didn't take to it.

When you say he wont go to sleep for you, does he sleep for anyone else? Anywhere else? For my DH, he walks around with him cradled in his arms. I can only do that for about 20 minutes before my arms feel like they're going to fall off! For whatever reason, he gives me a difficult time going to sleep. DH can put him down pretty easily.

It seems to me that he's overtired and just can't catch up. Even on days (like today) where I had no plans, I was hoping he would catch up on some sleep. He only naps for 45 minutes at a time (2x a day), but every once in a while he'll sleep for 1.5-2hrs. I started the process 2 nights ago of night weaning him again, telling him "I'm sorry, no more milk" when he wakes up at 5am. He would normally go back to sleep after 30 minutes to an hour, now he won't go back to sleep until like 7am, and then only for an hour or so. I REFUSE to get out of bed until at least 7:30, because I am not making it a habit of starting our day earlier than that (especially 5am ). So I think it's maybe a phase plus being overtired, and he can't catch up. I feel like I need to take a road trip so he will sleep all day and night in the car!

Message edited 7/18/2011 3:06:13 PM.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Posted by Grill

Take him for a drive. Go for a stroller walk. Wear him. Change your expectations....maybe he's not tired. Try to get him down for a bit then stop if it's not working. Try again in 30 minutes. Repeat every half hour, but remember to play during those 30 minute increments. Could be teething....offer a remedy (Boiron's Camilla worked well for my DS). Could be he's changing his sleep schedule. Take a long shower and put him on the bathroom floor with some cool toys. Best of all...follow his cues. He will sleep when he needs to. As frustrating as this can be for us (especially when we need a rest, nap, meal, privacy..etc)....we are not the bosses of them. We can lead them to water but can't make 'em drink. He WILL sleep and he WILL fall into a new pattern all on his own time frame. Just be patient during these transitional times.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Luce goes down for dh every night without so much as a peep.

with me, it's play time...let's try to get out of bed time, let's blow raspberries on mama's belly time, let's have mama name all of my stuffed animals time

but he's so used to it. I put him to bed for so long...and it was our "special time" when I got home from work. he's used to doing fun things with me before he's ready to go down.

so i think that this is somewhat normal, that it will take you longer than your dh.

dh only started putting him down when I started to wean him off the breast, so within the last 2-3 months if that. before that it was all mama. and he knows how to work my sleep time buttons.

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

I am not a CIO Mom, but I fortunately never had to go that route with either of my DS's.

What worked for me was having my babies learn to soothe themselves. The lovey was KEY for my first DS- got him to fall asleep and stay asleep through teething, illnesses, etc. It still helps and he is 3.5 now.

My younger one (almost 15 months) does not have a lovey. But he also falls asleep within 5 minutes of going down, and stays asleep.

I think the lack of napping is hurting you, maybe he is overtired? Maybe he needs to go down earlier, and you are missing that window. We made that mistake with my younger one, he would get wired if we waited.

White noise also helps us a lot. It signals sleep to them, blocks out outside noise, and calms them down.

But I also never co-slept. I also don't have them fall asleep in the car/stroller and transfer. It never works for them. They always napped and sleep at night in their crib/bed. In fact, I think that really helps us. They are NEVER in their rooms unless they go to sleep. So I think just the act of bringing them there signals sleep and they start to relax, it is like their little santuary. Blackout curtains, stuffed toys, books and white noise. I even feel like sleeping when I go in there

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Posted by Ophelia

HIYA

I feel your pain but I would not fight it. how many times a day is he napping.

around this time Luce went from 2 naps to 1. he fought the early nap tooth and nail.

I also agree that you may want to just try laying down next to him but not holding on. as mine got older, he would try to buck away.

now he like to touch me..hair, skin, arm, hand, but he does NOT like to be held to go to sleep. so I lay down next to him and he gets himself to sleep.

but yeah, for naps I don't fight for too long. after a half an hour, go play and knock yourself out!

it may be time to revamp your schedule!!!

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Is he sick...maybe an ear infection? When my son was so tired, yawning etc and cried when I laid him down he had an ear infection

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge

Re: Non-CIO moms, talk me off the ledge