I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

I've spent almost the entire day in tears and trying to ward off a hitting and kicking toddler that finds any type of discipline absolutely hysterical.

I don't what the heck has happened to my sweet baby and what I'm doing wrong, but I'm going to seriously lose it

I've tried time outs, talking softly but firmly, yelling, taking things away, ignoring her and literally nothing works. She usually just sits there laughing hysterically and saying "mommy funny," or will behave for a minute or two and then go back to the terrible behavior.

Today it was worse than it has ever been and it's one thing for her to be hitting and kicking me, but today she started hitting our dog which is completely unacceptable.

What has worked for everyone? I don't know if I should call our ped and get advice or talk to her nursery teachers, but right now I feel so helpless and like the worst parent.

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

Aww try not to feel terrible

Have you heard of the book Toddlers are asssholes, it's not your fault? Get it.

Maybe her teachers would have a method that has worked for them on other kids that they can suggest for you

I'm sure this is probably just a phase. Hang in there!!

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

Let me be perfectly honest

I love my children. My twins are the air I breathe

But 3 year olds can be real
Ass holes

Do not beat yourself up. You are not failing. Toddlers are tough. Really tough.

I know a few will
Never know bc. They don't have that type of toddler. But 85 percent do

There is a reason why there are memes and articles etc about toddlers. Bc it's true.

My best advice. Be as persistent as you can with time outs or whatever you choose. Walk away. Let them
Cry. They will be ok

Remember it's only a phase. Tides will turn and it will be ok

And also drink. Drink it up

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

No you're not failing!

You just have a difficult toddler who is learning how to control their environment. We've all had days like you're having.

Even when it seems like it's not working, be consistent. Stick to the time outs.

She's trying to get a reaction out of you, so definitely avoid yelling because that gives her exactly what she wants. (I know this firsthand because I'm a yeller lol) Don't give her any attention when she is really acting out, but when she finally does something good praise her with tons of attention. It may not seem like it's working but it will eventually. This is just a phase, even if it feels unending.

I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

Awwwww, I think we've all felt like a failure at one time or another, but we're not. I agree with pp's - be consistent. It's just a phase and it will pass.

ETA: What worked for us is time outs and removing myself and letting her tantrum out. I would say to her - "let me know when you're finished, I'll be in the other room".

Hang in there, mama. This shit is hard.

Message edited 10/12/2016 9:57:15 AM.

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

I see you haven't been on this forum for very long (since April, it looks like).... just spend some time browsing the Parenting posts... Roughly 99% of parents go through the exact same thing you're going through now...

Most kids from ages 2-4 or so are pure evil... they do eventually grow out of this (some sooner than others, and some are more or less extreme than others)

Just stick to what you're doing, and things will get better...

I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

Sometimes kids suck! My only advise is that pick a behavior plan and stick with it for a while. It seems that you are trying a bunch of stuff but routine is key with some kids.

I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

I have no advice but I can sympathize, as my own sour patch ds has had me in tears since Sunday. I worry for him that it's not a phase and that saddens me even more. Just keep strong, pick one method and try it for a while, maybe implement a reward chart. Good luck

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

As everyone else has said, you are NOT failing!

I was a very mean mommy when DS did things like this.
We have a cat. DS would pull her tail. I would then sternly say we don't do that it hurts the cat. I would then pull on his hair (gently) so he would get the idea that he is hurting the cat. If he threw a tantrum, he was taken to his room. I would put him on his bed and he would have to stay there until he calmed down. I usually stayed by the door to make sure he didn't hurt himself.

Once he was done freaking out, I would sit down next to him, we would hug it out and talk about what happened and why it is bad. He would then clean up his room with my help.

He's still very emotional, but we've gotten to the point where i kneel in front of him, look him in the eye and we take a few deep breaths to calm down. If he's having trouble calming down, he'll go to his room by himself and come back out to talk about it once he's fine.

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

Welcome to toddlerhood. My 3 year old is either the sweetest thing or psycho. There is no middle ground. If you can send her to her room. Or just walk away with a tantrum. Hitting and kicking is an automatic go to room or lose something fun. I actually have thrown stuff in the garbage which I have retrieved when she wasn't looking and only gave it back weeks later. It's a battle of wills every day.

I post daily memes on fb about toddlers because they are true. My toddler is very verbal too which makes me want to strangle her with her sass sometimes.

I oftentimes tell dh I understand why certain species eat their young.

It's tough but you are not failing. I notice dd is extra naughty when she hasn't been able to let off steam so I'll take her outside and kick s ball around for an hour or bring her to the playground. Dd doesn't nap so if I know she's tired I will have he sit with the iPad on the couch so she can watch her favorite show. And when in doubt I offer food because my toddler gets hangry.

I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

Toddlers are legit sociopaths. They do not care about your feelings or if you're hungry, thirsty or have to pee. Today is just a rough day and you're not failing at parenting. My advice along with other is to stay consistent. With my DD her time out is always in the same spot. I try really hard to never show anger. I will sit there and hold her in place if she tries to get up (I've never had to do that but would). Afterwards I get down at her level and try to explain why she had a time out.

If none of this is working I would try a major distraction. Like going outside, cooking something, he park or crafts.

I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

If you are failing, then I have no business having a second child!

You are NOT failing! It's a phase and I agree with everyone above. Toddlers are HARD! I recently said to someone "I love my son but seriously, the day he turned 3, he turned into an a$$hole!" Just let her be. She's testing you. My DS takes all the energy out of me in the morning after afternoon just so he will put his coat on. At school, he acts up, teacher counts down from 5, he apologizes and does what she asks. She's a miracle worker and hes an a$$hole.

"This too shall pass!"

I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

i have 3 kids and my middle one is my tough one so far. She's 3 1/2 and crazy. I text my friends the same thing that I am doing something wrong. I know I am not but it sure feels that way. They are so tough.

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

Thank you so much everyone!!! Just seeing how many of you are in the same boat made me feel so much better.

I ordered Happiest Toddler On the Block yesterday and hoping it gives some good tips. It's not even the amount of tantrums or the instant change in behavior that gets to me, it's the fact that any type of discipline I try, she finds so funny. I will definitely try to be more consistent with timeouts and try to ignore her when she's being really bad. I will also keep remembering I'm not alone :)

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

I'm so glad to see other parents calling their kids ass holes.

They are my everything but sometimes they are real jerk s!

You're not alone.

I try to get out as much as possible. They are better out than in. Strapped in a car seat. Take the long way home. I also used high chair as long as possible, one activity after another, play doh, paint, ipad, 100 pens..

I also get most frustrated when I'm. Trying to do work or clean etc give it up play, dance let it go you'll find time later, she's not really letting you get anything done now anyway.

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

Message edited 10/13/2016 10:02:19 AM.

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

as everyone said, you are not failing...this is normal for most of us!
My 2+ year old hits and kicks his 3+ year old sister. He does it for no reason. He laughs when we yell at him. We just continue to "punish" him. He gets put in a time out...which consists of him sitting in his room while I hold his door shut bc he tries to open it. It goes one of two ways...he screams and cries enough til he starts saying i want to say sorry and "no more" (meaning he wont do it anymore). Or he ends up hanging out in his room for 15+ minutes happily playing with whatever may be in there. Either way, he has to come out and say sorry...then we go over is hitting good or bad? is kicking good or bad? etc
It seems to happen daily, but the good thing is it is only ONCE daily (used to be much more often)

I had an ET therapist over yesterday to evaluate DS (not related to him hitting/kicking his sister) and he happened to pull this behavior while she was there. She said its completely normal and he will outgrow it and to continue doing what I am doing. She also said to be certain anyone else that watches DS reacts the same way so that it is consistent.

hang in there!

Re: I'm pretty sure I'm failing at parenting

I think most moms can relate. My 4 year old dd has literally brought me to my knees and has made me feel like I'm having a nervous break down. I have a degree in early childhood education, ran a daycare for years, gave advice to parents during those years on how to handle certain issues with children but my own 4 year old can be a mystery to me. It was like a clock at 30 months she began to test me, every minute of every day. Now that she is 4 I'm starting to see some brighter days but she is strong willed and her will power to win is unlike anything I've ever seen. I try to remember she is only 4and that her strong personality will be good for her in the long run. There are days where I give in which I know I shouldn't because she has exhausted me. Days where the tantrums seem never ending. I just keep at it trying to be the calm one, remember I am the mom (the adult) and I do a lot of ignoring. I feel like she is finally seeing that if she talks rather than demands, or tantrums she can get more. I also see her sweet, caring, my little girl coming through much more. It does get better its a wild ride just hold on tight.