Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

DH and I are fortunate enough to to have a beautiful, healthy 2 year old DD. DH really wants to have another DC and I'm on the fence. I really love the idea of just having one kid. She would always have our full attention and we would be able to provide for her pretty well, financially.

On the other hand, I think a part of me would feel guilty if I didn't give her a sibling. I know that's not a good reason to have another baby, but it is a thought that I have. My reservations with having another are financial circumstances and the fact we don't have a lot of help from family. I think we would be able to swing it financially with two, but money would be tight.

I know that ultimately only DH and I can make the decision that is right for us, but I was just wondering if anyone was in a similar position?

Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

We're both on the fence. I'd like to try for another but the thought of having to undergo IVF again is what makes me pause. I also have a prolapse courtesy of my DS and I'm nervous DC #2 would make it worse.

Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

I'm not in that position but I do have two. Two girls exactly two years apart. Dd1 was my world. When I was pregnant I would cry sometimes thinking how I'm taking part of me away for her for the baby. I couldn't imagine her not being my whole world. When dd2 came I now can't imagine my world without her. Both girls light up when they see each other. It really melts my heart.

As for help. I have none. And I mean none. My mom passed away. We don't talk to dhs mom. I literally have nobody. And yes it's hard, but worth it.

As for financial, you do what you have to.

All of these things are temporary and a sibling is forever. Of course there are no guarantees they'll be close, but the hope is they are.

Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

100% yes. Dh is pretty set on one and done but would have another one if I wanted. I love my dd and she fits in with us perfectly. I feel the urge to have every once in awhile but I had hypermesis so part of me is deathly afraid to get pregnant again. I'm not letting that stop me but its in the back of.my head. Dd is surrounded by cousins and pseudo cousins so she'll always have family but I do have that niggling thought in the back of my head that we should give her a sibling.

I've given myself a cutoff for a decision as I'm not getting.any younger so we shall see what my decision is by the beginning of 2017.

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

From a more "thinking" point of view, dh and I were really not sure if we should have a second. We knew finances would be tough, our dd is our world, and we thought of all the cool things we could do with her (i.e. Travel to Europe, great weekend adventures) if it was just her.

At some point around her turning 2, our "hearts" started telling us we wanted another. Dinner in a restaurant with just the 3 of us somehow seemed lonely. We wanted our love to grow. We wanted a true companion for dd and for us to be a larger family. And that sort of made our decision. So, in short, as much as you can think through a decision, sometimes these are more matters of the heart.

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

I will answer you from the minority, less popular side.
I have one. I knew from the moment I got a BFP thst would be my last. I can't describe how I knew, it was just something I felt.

Having an only, for us, is amazing. My daughter gets our full attention, we both attend every event at her school. We can afford nice vacations, activities ,etc.
It's not about the money and the trips and the material things though. We feel complete. I know im my heart this is exactly how our family was supposed to be.
My daughter is well adjusted, plays independently, and when I ask her if she wanted a sibling she always says no. I don’t feel she is missing out on a thing. She has a cousin very close in age and location that she is super close with and we look at him as almost like a brother. They do everything together.
She has friends too. She is onr of the most happy children I know and she wants for nothing.

My point is, no matter what decision you make, you really can't make a wrong decision with this.
Either way you're family will be perfect and amazing.

I just wanted to give you my perspective and experience from the side of a one and done.

Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

we're going through this now, too. we adopted DS from korea a little over 3 years ago- he just turned 5. we keep going back and forth about adopting a second one. we would have to go through the adoption process again, which wasn't easy. we also have NO help from anyone. my parents live 2 hours away, and spend 5 months a year in Fl--- so they're not around a lot. my ILs live 4.5 hours away, so they're not around either. my sister lives an hour away, and will babysit once in awhile- but she has her own thing going on. she not the type of aunt that calls up on a saturday and says "hey! can i take him out for a little while?" Because we adopted him and it was a huge adjustment, i decided to be a SAHM so that he would have more constant person taking care of him----- so thats not easy, either- doing things like hair cuts, dr appts, etc... have to fit them in the couple hours he's at preschool. always packing and unpacking to go visit our parents--- or cleaning and grocery shopping for them to stay here for a few days. its definitely exhausting!!!
BUT when i think about my family, i never really pictured myself with only one child. i think theres just nothing like having a sibling/another child in the family that you grow up with. i'm not super close with my sister, but we get along- and i really can't imagine not having her out there and having that connection with someone. DH is an only child, and while he didn't mind it- he said it was boring- things like family vacations and stuff- nobody to fight with in the backseat on road trips HAHA and i think he does wish he had a sibling growing up.
i just try to tell myself that it will be HARD for a few years--- but pretty soon, they would both be in school full time, they'll be able to do more things for themselves- it won't be as CONSTANT as it is now.
but, i think it really just comes down to how YOU feel, and how YOU want your family to "look"....

Message edited 12/13/2015 8:31:12 AM.

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

We didn't have a hard time deciding we wanted a second child, but DH and I did have different ideas on a good age gap.
DH is an only child. Honestly, that isn't what I want for my family. I feel there are things only siblings can teach each other and after really explaining that to DH he agreed. DH is the center of his parents universe. They were both present for every hockey game and every band recital. Every night he picked out the vegetable of choice, and when he got a good report card, they ate at whatever restaurant he chose. He never had to sit through a siblings hockey practice waiting for his turn or learn to understand that he might be late for a play date because his father needed to work late and they had to wait for a sibling to get home from school to leave. He also never had to sit and negotiate on a restaurant they both wanted to go to because they both had good report cards.
Honestly, I know DH and I need more than 1 child to be the best parents we can be. If we don't, our kid will have only child syndrome for sure.

Message edited 12/13/2015 10:36:00 AM.

Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

I was on the fence for a while too but I don't know, the more I waited, the more I realized that I am truly content with my one girl. I love being able to give her our all... I love being able to do a ton of special things with her bc it is just her... For us, it works... And it works pretty well. You will know.... Something will click.

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

We have an almost 1 year old and it took us very long to have him. We feel so lucky we were finally able to become parents. I've always wanted 2 kids. Due to all our struggles with infertility it would be a long shot to have another. If it happens it happens, if not I have to be okay with my one and only precious boy. I just feel so lucky to be his mom. For us its not financial holding us back just infertility. In a perfect world I would have a second kid when baby boy is 3. However it may take us years to have another baby if ever and I'm getting older. The baby stage was so hard for us because he wasn't an easy baby and I couldn't imagine doing that again with a toddler.

If your not sure I would wait and revisit in a year. See how you feel then. Good luck and your child WILL be okay as an only child.

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

I only wanted one. I had my DS and was so happy with him and only wanted him. I couldn't imagine another baby taking attention away from my little guy. One morning he was around 10 months old playing on the floor by himself. It just hit me out of nowhere, I felt like he needed a sib and we went for # 2. They are very close and my second is such a little joy for all of us.

It's a hard decision, but if your gut is telling you something , listen

Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

You just have to listen to what your heart tells you. We only have 1 DD and are perfectly happy and content with our family of 3. Sometimes I think about having another one, but the thoughts are fleeting. We are happy and don't feel like we're missing anything. It just works for us.

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

Posted by Bebelove

I only wanted one. I had my DS and was so happy with him and only wanted him. I couldn't imagine another baby taking attention away from my little guy. One morning he was around 10 months old playing on the floor by himself. It just hit me out of nowhere, I felt like he needed a sib and we went for # 2. They are very close and my second is such a little joy for all of us.

It's a hard decision, but if your gut is telling you something , listen

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

It's kind of worked out fit us having one. If we were younger I def would have wanted another. I would love to have been able to give my daughter a sibling to play with. We had a scare at 22 weeks and at my age it's just not something I'd be willing to risk again. My daughter is very close to her cousins so that makes me feel better. Also, I don't feel like we are incomplete as a family of three. I feel like we are whole now. My daughter is my world so I don't feel like our family is missing out by not having another.

Re: Having a hard time making a decision- anyone else?

Thanks all. Hearing your stories helps me feel a little at ease knowing others are going through the same situation. I know there is no wrong way to go, so to speak, it's just that my heart and my head keep conflicting. I just wish I felt more strongly one way than another.