feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

So let me start by saying my 3 year old is very spirited. He believes he is in fact a superhero. He has no fear and he simply foes not give a fu<k. Twice he has run away from me in very large stores. They had to lock down the store. I could not chase after him. I had my 1 year old in the cart and it all happened so quickly. I have had many conversations with him about this and he does not seem to understand or care.

We are living with my mom, we have the upstairs to ourselves. 2 bedrooms and a living room. We share the common rooms. It is a 3 story home. We are on the third story. Today I was folding laundry. He told me he was going to the bathroom. When he didn't come back right away I called for him. My mom went to get him. He was not in the bathroom. My mom walked outside to see if he was out there. A man was holding his hand walking him back to the house. I did not know who this man was. We know most if the immediate neighbors. Apperently he told the man he was leaving. The man kindly walked him home.

I am beyond shaken up. What if this man was a predator. What if he got hit by a car. This was a matter of 3 minutes. He told me he was going to work (my parents own a local deli) to get breakfast. He was barefoot. I have 2 other young children. What do I do? How do I prevent this? I can not always be right there to take him down to the bathroom. We have a hook and eye on the upstairs door for the middle of the night.

I feel like the world's worst mom.

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

You're not the worlds worst mom. Far from it.
I don't have any advice - Maybe you could talk to your pediatrician about it?
Just wanted to send you hugs more than anything

Hang in there

ETA-I was thinking about this and came back to find a lot of other people suggested the alarms , and consequences- maybe take away a favorite toy when he's being difficult and earn it back when he's trying to correct his behavior? I'm not going to pretend like I know about behavior modifications - I'm sure there are lots of people here that can give you suggestions, but maybe he would understand something like this?

Message edited 7/9/2015 9:47:01 PM.

feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

You are NOT a bad mom! Kids sometimes throw us things that we don't know how to handle and it is good to ask for help when needed. I think talking to your ped is a great idea.

Also, maybe have an alarm on when you are in the house so you know if someone goes outside may help? I don't know if punishment and/or consequences is something that needs to be given if he continues to act like this. Have you considered maybe having a Mother's helper around to offer you an extra set of hands?

Just throwing different ideas out there. Hang in there!! =)

Message edited 7/9/2015 7:50:18 PM.

feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

Can you put an alarm of the doors- we have one in our house because the previous owners son used to try to leave the house on his own--exactly what you are going through--they had it added on as part of their security system.

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

Hugs to you

I worry this will be my little one at 3, he is only 1 and a 1/2 and tries to do everything my 3 yr old would never do! Total opposites. We had to rebaby proof the house totally difft thanwe had to w my first.

Locks on all doors high up
alarms all doors
do you know any friend police or firefighters who can come in uniform to talk to him about safety and to follow certain rules? This would make my 3yr nervous to not repeat xyz but some kids might think it's are reward.
Def punish of you didn't already
might be too late now
I say 'a bad man will take you you ll never see mommy again' to try to explain stranger danger. I'm not sure these are all good suggestions either but I'm trying too!

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

All I can offer is hugs. The pp had great suggestions.

My 2 year old is following in this path.

The other day my husband got home from work and left the front door unlocked. We were talking in the kitchen for 2 minutes and the door bell rang. There was my 2 year old DS. He has done it once or twice since then but I never leave him out of my sight for more than a minute anymore so I caught him in the act.

We going to get an alarm system so I can hear a bell/alarm everytime a door or window opens.

I'm sorry you are going through this. My husband and I are very nervous of what is to come with this kid. He just doesn't care.

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

You're not a bad mom some kids are like that.
My brother was like this growing up. My poor mother could never ever rest with him. He is still like this in a way he is into all type of extreme sports and has no fear. Hopefully your dc will calm down.
First thing I would do is go to homedepot and get locks you can install on all your exterior doors that are up high out of his reach or get the alarms. I would NOT let him walk in any store either he goes into a stroller or a shopping cart. I would also to try to take another adult shopping with me.

feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

I agree. You can make an alarm system so that it chimes when a door opens. I would also add locks out of reach.

But More importantly, talk to your pediatrician about his lack of fear

feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

Can you get a small kiddy potty for your level?

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

If you have sliders you can install a bar at the top so door won't open. They sell a kit at Home Depot. This doesn't make you are bad mom!

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

That is pretty scary, but I think we've all had our heart attack moments. Don't get too down on yourself. Thank goodness you had the feeling to look outside and your DS found a nice man.

I would put locks up high on all doors and INSIST all adults keep them locked at all times.

As far as your DS' behavior goes, I think some kids are just a little mischievous by nature. I also think diet plays a role to some degree. Dyes are in tons of foods and some kids are more sensitive than others. Maybe ask your ped their opinion and take it from there? Good luck

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

You are not a bad mom.

Kids test us - they really do. My DS is going to be 5 in September. We too moved in with my mom after we sold our co-op to save money. About 2 weeks ago, I was in my moms kitchen washing dishes, when DS said he was going to go out to the backyard. Which is fine, since the house has big wrought iron fences on both sides, so he can't reach them or get them open. Plus, I can see the yard perfectly from where I was.

About 3 minutes later, I looked up to check on him and I didn't see him. I went to the door and called his name and no answer, I look down the driveway and notice the gates open (DH went up the block to fill the gas tank so he left the gates open because he was coming back in 5 minutes). I ran down the driveway and see my DS about 3 houses up. I called his name and he turned around and still continued walking. A neighbor that I have know since I was a kid was out front watering her flowers and had him stop.

When I caught up to him I asked him what he thought he was doing and he said that 'he is running away because he didn't listen and I was upset at him'. Earlier that morning, he was jumping on the couch and I repeatedly told him to stop before he hurt himself. He ended up knocking into the end table and a glass object fell to the floor and broke.

I wanted to throw up at the thought of if I had not looked up when I did or if my neighbor was not out front. Like you I thought about him getting hit by a car, or a sick individual taking him. I had no choice but to be real with him and tell him that there are bad people out there that to really bad things to little kids like him. They will hurt him and then cut him up in pieces and we will never see him ever again. At first my DH was pissed I was telling him things like that, but I need him to understand that leaving the house without an adult is NOT OK!

We have these alarms on our basement windows - they can be used on doors and are battery operated. Door Alarm

Message edited 7/9/2015 9:50:45 PM.

feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

Thank you everyone. I had a long talk with him. He just doesn't seem to get the severity of what "could" happen. We ate going to get alarms. And I am going to have to be on top of him much more than I already am. It's a scary world we live in. My 5 year old is literally afraid of his shadow. My 3 year old fears nothing. We'll except public bathroom toilets and hand sryers. Maybe I should tell him that's where he will go if he wanders off. Lol. Really though, thank you for reassuring me I'm not a horrible mom. I was waiting for CPS to come to my door yesterday bc of the man who returned my son. I need to find him and thank him.

feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

I have a cousin with special needs and when she was little they had to be so careful because she would wander out if she could. They had a lock on the front door that you needed a key to open and they kept the key on a high kitchen shelf. I wouldn't recommend that unless you carefully consider your fire exits but they had three other doors all leading out back. They also had locks on the gates so if she got out back she couldn't get out of the yard. My aunt rarely took all the kids out and I spent a lot of time over there as a mother's helper. Maybe you could hire a local teen to help out one or two days a week to help you during errands. You can talk to him till you're blue in the face but at the end of the day I wouldn't trust him and would use whatever safeguards you can. Such a rough situation but hopefully he'll outgrow it soon.

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

You are not a terrible mom! PP's gave great suggestions but I wanted to add/ stress that I would implement consequences for his actions. He is old enough to understand that he should not run away from you in a store or leave the house alone. I would phrase it more as a consequence than a punishment. For example, "It's mommy's job to keep you safe and since you ran away from me the last time we were in a store, you have to stay in the cart this time so I know you're safe." or "I can't trust you to go to the bathroom by yourself because you left the house last time you told me you were going, so now you can't go by yourself." I know it's hard- hang in there!

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

What about a behavior chart? Put a calendar up on the frig and for everyday he does what he's supposed to do, put a sticker, smiley face, etc. For a week's worth of positive behavior (or say 5 out of 7 days, perfection is hard lol), he gets a reward. When he doesn't meet his goal, he doesn't get a reward. Positive reinforcement has shown to often work better than punishment.

ETA: this is of course in addition to extra locks and a more intense security system

Message edited 7/10/2015 1:07:53 PM.

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

I agree with the locks. I would also get 9ne of those rfid tags for his shoes too. I also agree with the behavior chart. I would also limit exposure for now to any superhero shows. Does he watch those types of TV shows? Lastly, I would give immediate consequences for bad behavior. Since you have multiple kids. I would wear the one year old and place the three year old in the top of the shopping cart. I would for now only go out with another adult. You are not a bad mom.

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...

Re: feeling sad and shaken up.... my 3 year old is a handful...