Husband and sex

Does anyone have a DH who is extremely difficult when its time for sex? He is a "morning guy" he only likes sex in the morning, when HE wakes up. So me waking him up in a "sexy" way doesn't work for him. He can't "finish" twice in one day. Most of the time he can't finish at all. This is just so frustrating for me because I go to work earlier than him so we can't do it in the morning, unless its a weekend. I just can't take this anymore. We have been doing IUI's. I swear I feel like he is the reason why I am not pregnant. We just don't do it enough. I woke him up this morning and we tried and he lost his erection. He was in the middle of a dead sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am wondering if he needs help. Where would he go? I think he is starting to get frustrated too. Thanks for listening.

Re: Husband and sex

Maybe you should try and talk to him. Not in the bedroom. Maybe set a date and time to have a discussion about TTC in general. Explain to him that you understand he only likes it in the morning, well you would like it if you didn't have to get constant blood draws, sono, meds in your body and uncomfy IUIs. But, you do what you must. Tell him in a nice way that you need to have sex every other day for a few days leading up to IUI and then the night of IUI and the next day. He only has to suck it up for 1 week a month. And like I said, obv try a to find a nice way of saying this.

This is what I did. But after over 2 years if this, I'm not so nice about it anymore.

Hope he comes around.

ETA: maybe try and get statistics together showing couples who have more sex during fertile time along with IUI have higher success rate. Maybe showing him that if he gets with the program, you can end the roller coaster much sooner!

Message edited 10/3/2013 8:22:35 AM.

Husband and sex

This would be extremely frustrating, and I'm sorry but there has to be something up here. In my opinion, it sounds like either (a) he doesn't REALLY want this or (b) he's just a selfish person. I agree with Phyllis, you need to talk to him outside the bedroom, get to the bottom of the issue because if he's not willing to do this for you, what else will he be unwilling to do down the road - nighttime feedings and diaper changes? staying home to help you instead of going out? Sorry to come off harsh but that just rubbed me totally the wrong way and I, for one, would NEVER put up with that kind of attitude.

Re: Husband and sex

I understand your frustration but maybe he can't deal with the "pressure". I don't tell DH when I O anymore. Obviously with the IUIs he knows but the rest of the stuff is random. Maybe you can change it up a bit- surprise him in the shower, wear something sexy making dinner, etc.

TTC is a VERY difficult and frustrating process. It will absolutely cause a big divide in your marriage but you have to remember that you guys are a team in this, just like you will be as parents. In the beginning DH and I fought about it but after 2 years, I think we're closer and more in love than we've ever been because we understand each other's needs in this. Maybe just talk to your DH about this all and explain where you're coming from but also ask him what gets him going. Could come in handy Good luck!!!

Re: Husband and sex

Posted by IveGotAFeeling

I understand your frustration but maybe he can't deal with the "pressure". I don't tell DH when I O anymore. Obviously with the IUIs he knows but the rest of the stuff is random. Maybe you can change it up a bit- surprise him in the shower, wear something sexy making dinner, etc.

TTC is a VERY difficult and frustrating process. It will absolutely cause a big divide in your marriage but you have to remember that you guys are a team in this, just like you will be as parents. In the beginning DH and I fought about it but after 2 years, I think we're closer and more in love than we've ever been because we understand each other's needs in this. Maybe just talk to your DH about this all and explain where you're coming from but also ask him what gets him going. Could come in handy Good luck!!!

Re: Husband and sex

Posted by angnick

Posted by IveGotAFeeling

I understand your frustration but maybe he can't deal with the "pressure". I don't tell DH when I O anymore. Obviously with the IUIs he knows but the rest of the stuff is random. Maybe you can change it up a bit- surprise him in the shower, wear something sexy making dinner, etc.

TTC is a VERY difficult and frustrating process. It will absolutely cause a big divide in your marriage but you have to remember that you guys are a team in this, just like you will be as parents. In the beginning DH and I fought about it but after 2 years, I think we're closer and more in love than we've ever been because we understand each other's needs in this. Maybe just talk to your DH about this all and explain where you're coming from but also ask him what gets him going. Could come in handy Good luck!!!

ITA Agree with this. I told DH i was o'ing one night and he couldnt perform at all... we never did it 2 times in a day either, is that what you are supposed to do?? I would do it when he can and hope for the best.

And I dont think something is up- I think it is hard for hubbies to perform on command!!!!

Husband and sex

Are you sure he is into having children? It sounds like maybe he is not that into it, since you have to have sex. Maybe he needs a refresher on the birds & the bees.

Re: Husband and sex

Posted by jessnbrian

Posted by angnick

Posted by IveGotAFeeling

I understand your frustration but maybe he can't deal with the "pressure". I don't tell DH when I O anymore. Obviously with the IUIs he knows but the rest of the stuff is random. Maybe you can change it up a bit- surprise him in the shower, wear something sexy making dinner, etc.

TTC is a VERY difficult and frustrating process. It will absolutely cause a big divide in your marriage but you have to remember that you guys are a team in this, just like you will be as parents. In the beginning DH and I fought about it but after 2 years, I think we're closer and more in love than we've ever been because we understand each other's needs in this. Maybe just talk to your DH about this all and explain where you're coming from but also ask him what gets him going. Could come in handy Good luck!!!

ITA Agree with this. I told DH i was o'ing one night and he couldnt perform at all... we never did it 2 times in a day either, is that what you are supposed to do?? I would do it when he can and hope for the best.

And I dont think something is up- I think it is hard for hubbies to perform on command!!!!

I don't disagree, it's just the way that the original poster put it - that he ONLY ever wants to go at it when HE wants to and it didn't seem to matter what SHE wanted. (She said that it didn't matter if she woke him up in a sexy way, tried other things later, etc.) That's what bothered me - Lord knows men have a tendency to NOT be able to perform on command, we ladies have to be creative with regards to that aspect.

Husband and sex

Trust me, the one and only month I was demanding about DTD, DH hated it! He performed, but it was like pulling teeth and he complained at the end of the month... Also, coincidence or not, that was the only month we didn't get a BFP (5 months & 2 MCs). I just get creative, and let him do his thing - for example, he had a bachelor party this weekend, he went had fun, etc (2 nights of strip clubs) and came home and we've had no problems DTD, lol... doesn't bother me one bit!

Re: Husband and sex

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate it. I need to clarify a few things, we do have a daughter already she is three. DH is the most amazing father you could ever ask for. He did all the diaper changes after my c-section, and he wakes up with me in the middle of the night still. He definitely wants another child. Today when he came home from work the first thing he did was pull out a new bottle of lube and he said "we are doing it tonight. I know I need to up my game and it sucks that I have a limited window of hornieness ( is that a word lol) and I am sorry but I want to try tonight". I guess he sensed how upset I was this morning. He said everything I needed to hear, I just hope he can perform. I do think it is hard for them to preform under pressure and as each month goes by, I think I get more frustrated and he can see it. But again actions speak louder than words and we shall see what happens. it makes me feel good to know I am not alone and some of you have experienced this too.

Re: Husband and sex

Re: Husband and sex

I find ahem my husband is too tired in the morning or at night things can't get accomplished. Why don't you try as soon as you get home from work. And definitely talk to him about it.

Re: Husband and sex