i feel like a failure

Ive posted a few times about having issues with food and my dd. Shes now going to be 14 months and barely eats table food. In fact some days she barely eats even purees. All she wants is her bottle.

Shes such a good girl and i just feel like this is all my fault. I know i need to be more strict with making her sit down to eat, but i feel like no matter what i do shes not eatinh enough to fill up. She grazes on stuff and then eventuly wants her bottle. It was good at one point i cut out the afternoon bottle and she was down to 3. But some days shes sooo cranky and crying so bad she screams from being hungry. I try to give her food or even a puree and shejust screams and screams. I eventually give in because i feel so bad for how hard shes crying and how worked up she is.

I just feel like im failing here and am creating unhealthy eating habits. My peds has told me by 15 months she should be eating everything we eat and the bottles should be less and less especially once shes on milk. (Still on alimentum)

I dont know if this is normal or not but if i go out to eat she wont sit in the high chair at all. She wants to walk around and touch everything. She started walking a month ago.

I have tried making her stay in her high chair until she finishes but she will start throwing the food on the floor and starts crying and whining and pushing her chest really hard against the belt that locks her in. Then begins scream crying. And refuses to eat. Turns her face wont open her mouth.
I have tried allowing her to sit in her anywhere chair in the living room and feeding her which works most days but scared of creating a habit where she has to watch tv to keep her still to eat.
I let her feed herself. I let her make a mess. I try to make it fun. I have tried my relatives cooking as well since i atarted to think it was my cooking. I also give her restaurant food when we go out.and she just 'snacks' on it. Shes not eating enough to fill up

Please help. What am i doing wrong? I feel like im failing her and my self esteem as a mom is taking a hit. And morethan anything im so scared of creating an unhealthy eating habit or unhealthy relationship with food.

Sorry for long post.

Re: i feel like a failure

I felt this way too when DS was that age. It took him a long time to get into table food and even then he refused fruits and veggies etc.
I will tell you that he will be 3 next week and now he eats everything. Fruits and vegetables and all.
I know it's hard but dont push it! It will all work out in the end!

i feel like a failure

DS was not an easy transition to table food but it was much easier when I stopped the purees completely. And he figured it out that if he was hungry he had to eat what was infront of him. I also gave milk at odd times...not with meals. Bottles were only am and night. He NEVER gets one in the middle of the day....he woudl cry and ask for one but I said no cuppy.....he would throw it and I would pick it up and put it n the coffee table and walk away. A minute later he was drinking cuppy. Smae idea with the food.

Re: i feel like a failure

I think you really have to listen to your pediatrician.
Follow his or her plan and make feeding issue follow up appointments.

i feel like a failure

I just wanted to say you are NOT a failure! Please try not to beat yourself up over this; it is more normal than you think.

My brother was a horrible eater. The worst I have ever seen by far. He only ate peanut butter sandwiches and cereal for the longest time. I remember it caused my stepmom so much stress. The dr assured her he will eat when he is hungry and he wasn't starving himself. It took a while but he got better and better over time and now he is a perfectly normal 15 yr old boy who eats just fine.

I really do think it is just a stage some kids go through and definitely not something you are doing 'wrong'.

i feel like a failure

You are not a failure, I think feeding time can be challenging for a lot of parents and it is hard to see your little one writhing, or in my case dumping bowls of freshly cooked food onto the floor lol.

I know my own ped has said that the bigger deal we make out of feeding time and eating, the bigger deal the kid will make. So as hard as it is, I'd try to relax, go with the flow a little bit and check in with your doctor again for a more comprehensive plan so you feel like you can say "ok, i did steps 1 and 2 and it isn't work, but I will follow this plan".

I'm guessing she is just all about the bottle, and I can't help there as we got rid of them at 12 months old and by 13 months old my kids weren't drinking milk at all.

Good luck, but don't let one tiny part of parenting make you feel like a failure (as hard as that is to do)

Re: i feel like a failure

You are not a failure and I feel like this is just a stage. Just do your best to keep offering food to her and giving her different chances to eat it. There was one week where DD got so obsessed with crawling she would not sit down for a meal... so I got on the floor with her and I spoon-fed her oatmeal... while she was in crawling position. She happily ate it like that. I was satisfied she was eating and she was content being on all fours. It only lasted 1 week and we were back to the highchair. Babies are constantly changing so you just have to find something that works for your DD in the "now" moment. If the doctor thinks she is healthy and is happy than you don't need to worry. If he has concerns than you need to target the concern.

Re: i feel like a failure

We aren't at the same point as you as DD is only 10months but I wanted to offer

One thing I learned as a mom is you aren't a failure. Yes, this is a hurdle for you to overcome but I'm sure there are areas that are easy breezy for you and other moms struggle. All children are different.

I'd time meals away from bottles. If you have to give a midday bottle try giving less.

Dd is 10months and predominantly on table foods. She doesn't like everything. And it's ok to make kid friendly meals. I mixed chicken and veggies in her mac and cheese... she throws chicken on the floor usually. So she ate all the pasta and started to play. I gave her time and she ate the chicken.

Re: i feel like a failure

You're not a failure - I think adults forget that babies, kids .....are actual PEOPLE - they have their own minds, and personalities - things they're happy about, things that annoy them, days they're good and days they're obnoxious - You can't always control eveything they do ........you just CAN'T and that doesn't make you a failure as a parent, it makes you normal - Anyone who tells you that they have NEVER had a difficult time with their child for some reason is lying - we all have challenges, we all hit a wall at some point, and I'm sure we have all done things we are less than proud of, or wish we had the strength/time/energy to have done differently

My Peds are pretty old school and laid back with most things. His thing was always he'll eat when he's hungry, if yoiu try to force it, it gives him all the power and he'll use it that way - My boys are picky eaters - I hvae tried every way I can think of to hide veggies/meats etc but if they don't like it, they are just NOT eating it. Are there certain foods she DOES like? Maybe you have to work w/ her in small steps?

If it were me, and you are really ready to get rid of the bottle, i'd just remove it from the equation. No longer an option for you, or her - throw them out.

My younger son was 2 in May - he still has a bottle in the morning and night IF he asks for it - he CAN drink from a sippy, straw or open cup w/o a problem, and will, but still prefers to drink his milk from a bottle. I"m nto stressing over it - he won't be going to school w/ a bottle in his hand, and it's not causing and development issues, so whatever.

Have you tried maybe giving her water, or diluted juice in the cup with her meal? And maybe give her the bottle only in the morning/night, as a slower transition?

i feel like a failure

Thank you everyone! *hugs*

I just feel like Im messing up her eating habits for life or something. lol I know I need to relax a bit because maybe Im making it worse by getting stressed out about it. And I have made efforts to do so. I get her stripped to a diaper when were home before eating so she can happily make a mess. LOL I have tried leaving her in the high chair and I "don't pay attention" to her cause that worked for a lil bit while she eats, but then that stopped working.

Shes totally healthy, gaining weight, growing, VERY happy baby, like ridiculously happy baby Im VERY lucky in that regards... And yes everything else about motherhood Ive def adjusted to and enjoy. Its just this Ive totally hit a wall and feel like I have NO IDEA what Im doing. My peds is happy with her development, BUT he suggests she really needs to be eating more table food.
Yes I def see when I give her table food shes willing to try it she opens her mouth she comes back for more. DEF noticed she loves loves loves pasta. And she eats lots of meats, fruits even certain veggies but not all. Shes not a huge veggie person. BUT still none of it is in large quantities.
Now that I think of it, she did the same as an infant she always took smaller bottles more frequently so MAYBE I need to do the same with food. Maybe smaller quantities more often. *lightbulb* lol

She drinks water and can drink from a straw sippy cup. I give it to her with every meal. BUT she also likes to take big sips and then spit the water on herself LOL Again another reason I get her stripped down to a diaper LOL She also knows how to drink from an open cup as well. Sometimes she does even better with that than the straw sippy cup.

Honestly the only way for me to get her to sit through an entire serving of food is to have her sit in her anywhere chair and watch a cartoon. I guess it is what it is I have to get her to eat. I am going back to cutting out the afternoon bottle and eventually the late afternoon one.

I don't mind the bottles Im not trying to cut them out completely Im ok with her still wanting a bottle AM/PM but I would like to cut them out during the day. She doesn't go to bed at night without her bed time bottle, Im totally ok with that.

Maybe I just need to deal with her tantrums and crying until she sees no more bottles in the afternoon she HAS to eat and fill herself up. Then the tantrums will stop.

Re: i feel like a failure

From your above post it sounds like she is doing good!! At 15mos, their bellies are still pretty tiny. What you think might not be enough, might be plenty.

I would definitely cut out the afternoon bottle and see if that helps, but it seems like she's doing pretty good, you are definitely not a failure!

Re: i feel like a failure

I think everyone has given you great advice BUT just so you know, if you and your ped are concerned there is a problem, you can request that your child be evaluated for feeding therapy free of charge. One of my 13 month old triplets had similar issues to what you described. We were having him evaluated for pt and the pt asked us about feeding. We shared outer concerns and she suggested an eval. I had no idea such services existed. We had the eval and sure enough he qualified. The state approved one hour a week of feeding therapy. We are so excited to start. Mealtime can e a nightmare here with one of three refusing to eat. Not saying that your dd needs this, but I had no idea it existed, was free!, and relatively easy to set up. Good luck.

Re: i feel like a failure

Is there a chance she has a food allergy or sensitivity that might be say hurting her stomach or causing reflux. If your DC is having an allergy or food sensitivity your DC might not feel well after nibbling. Is there anything one or two things your child does eat? Does it seem that your DC avoids some more than others?