I feel like a failure....

Hey girls i hope im not crashing your board. DH and i have been trying for one year officially as of our anniversary yesturday and nothing but BFN. We had an appt last month with RE but DH was getting all upset and didnt understand why i thought it was necessary. After talking to his aunt who has searious IF problems and the journey she went through he is now open to meeting with an RE. OUr first appt is this afternoon at 430. Im so scared.. i feel like such a failure. we got one bfp Jan 1st and i misscaried January 30th. DOes this mean i dont really qualify for RE. What will they do at this appt. I am meeting with Dr. Sung. MY period hasnt started yet and is due this week. I just wanted the appt before so i dont lose out on this month comming. How fast will they start testing and everything. I read your stories and I must say i admire each and everyone of you. You are strong women and very supportive to one another. The reason i feel like i a failure is i feel like i cant give my husband this give naturally. Is this a normal feeling?

Re: I feel like a failure....

First off:


What you are feeling is totally normal, we have all gone through those same exact thoughts. It is ok to feel that way, it is ok to grieve for you loss. Taking the ne xt step can be very difficult. I remember when I moved on to an RE I was absolutely devastated. But after my consult, I felt so much better because I knew I had a plan, and I knew that my doctor's goal was to get me pregnant.
This is a great place for support, but I hope your stay is short.
Good luck at your appointment today! They will probably take blood and tell you to come back for CD3 tests and to have your DH arrange an SA.

Re: I feel like a failure....

I agree with everything Lauren said. My DH was so reluctant to see the RE but then realized that it was the best thing to do. At my appt, we had a plethora of bloodwork done and I had an internal ultrasound. DH was given a script for a SA and also a referral for another urologist, since we were pretty sure it was male IF for us. Once we started seeing the RE, we were happy to have a plan of action and know what steps to take.

Re: I feel like a failure....

Believe me, what you are feeling is completely normal. It's how I feel most of the time.

You will feel better after your appt. today. Once you have an idea what is happening and what your game plan is going to be, it helps so much.

Wishing you all the best!!

Re: I feel like a failure....

Thanks girls. Should i call my OBGYN and see if i can get the blood work they did. I much rather just have the dr. office start fresh and test for everything on thier own. DH already is seeing a urologist for other issues. Do you think they will let him continue to see this one since DH is so comfortable with him? I really hope we get some sort of game plan. This is definately an emotional rollercoaster.

Re: I feel like a failure....

Even if you had prior testing with your gyn the RE will want to do most of their own testing. But it doesn't hurt to have it and bring it with you - I did and I didn't have to repeat some of the tests.

Re: I feel like a failure....

Re: I feel like a failure....

Posted by SweetTooth

First off:


What you are feeling is totally normal, we have all gone through those same exact thoughts. It is ok to feel that way, it is ok to grieve for you loss. Taking the ne xt step can be very difficult. I remember when I moved on to an RE I was absolutely devastated. But after my consult, I felt so much better because I knew I had a plan, and I knew that my doctor's goal was to get me pregnant.
This is a great place for support, but I hope your stay is short.
Good luck at your appointment today! They will probably take blood and tell you to come back for CD3 tests and to have your DH arrange an SA.

Re: I feel like a failure....

Everyone on here is so knowledgeable and supportive, you've come to the right place!
I think the feelings you are feeling are normal, however try and stay positive! It is so difficult some days, but hang in there. You were pregnant once so that is a good sign. I think you'll feel better once you have a plan w/ the RE! I definitely did!

Re: I feel like a failure....

I also had a m/c before I started with the RE. And everyone kept asking me why was I going, since obviously I could get pg. Well its a year later and I haven't gotten pg. Though not a full year of trying because I had surgery in there and recovery time,switched RE's etc... It's just better safe than sorry. I'm really glad I went to the RE. I am older, just turned 40 (was 38 when i started the whole process). So for me, I need to get pg as fast as possible. You will learn a lot of stuff (that most people with a zillion kids don't know) and you will learn a lot about your own body. Hopefully, your insurance will cover all. Good luck. We're here for you.

Re: I feel like a failure....

I'm sorry. We all have felt like a failure at one point or another (myself included, in fact most of the time lately!) It's very frustrating to have something that's supposed to be 'natural' not just happen on its own- and it brings a lot of heartache, stress, aggrevation and sadness with it. We're all here for you- we're all in the same boat, even though some of us have different reasons for being here... we all have the same ultimate goal.
Please feel free to open up to us and ask any questions, express any concerns, fears, etc.. that you may have. This board is full of extremely strong women, who without, I can honestly say that I would've given up a long time ago. They are what keep me going when I want to give up and who pick me up in my darkest hours... honestly.
It's great to have our board to come to--- then our DHs don't always get 100% of our feelings, sometimes it just helps to pour it all into a post and throw it out into cyberspace

Re: I feel like a failure....

my goodness.....

COULDNT BE MORE NORMAL!!!

i feel the same exact way. I have been seeing a psychologist to help with those feeilngs - of guilt - not being able to give my husband a child naturally, like im a failure - what i was meant to do on this earth as a woman i cant do naturally....not to mention - the grieving you are going through of something you have lost.

its very hard - i feel for you. i also feel exaclty what you are feeling. Please dont be scared - the doctors will help.

Re: I feel like a failure....

I feel the same way and just got finished crying on DHs shoulder because he is 34 and I am 41 and I feel like I am letting him down not being able to get pg again . I feel like he will leave me if I can't give him kids which I am sure is riduculous but I am so down on myself just getting not so great news from my re.

Re: I feel like a failure....

I know how you feel. It is hard for me as well but I keep on believing and try to have faith that our time will come.

Re: I feel like a failure....

I get how you feel. But you are NOT a failure.
We too have been trying for a year with one m/c. And yes, you qualify for an RE.
We had a SA done first with a Urologist. This was good because it was non-invasive and showed us right away that we had MI issues.
We just had our first appointment and since DH already had two SA's they didn't test that. They took a ton of blood from me and did a baseline sono. Then they decided to do and IUI. So then, we are going for a sono tomorrow to see the progession of my follicles.
Good Luck!

Re: I feel like a failure....

We have all felt the way you do at one point or another...I hope you get the answers you need and your stay here is short