Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

Been so upset for the past 24 hours..My dh is trying to make my shower as memorable as possible! I thought things were cleared up but apparantly they are not. I do not think that spending over 1,0000 is worth it for food. I'm cool with heros and hot trays for my shower. I am really easy going! And I am perfectly happy with that. Apparantly my mom does not want to spend a whole lot because she needs the money for the next 2 weddings that are happening in 2 years. Also I do not think it is fair that my mom only wants to make enough food for my side that was invited..My MIL is making enough food to cover for everyone. So still shaking my head about this. It's been constant back and forth for a while now..and I just broke out into tears! I say just let my mom do what she wants I don't care anymore. My hubby is paying for a tent, table, and chairs and all extra food to cover everything. Just don't know what I can do anymore..I did talk to my mom about the way the shower was being handled last week and we got everything out in the open so i thought all was good. She promised me if anything happens after that she will not tell me about-- which she hasn't. DH reached out to my mom about having a bbq catered..it wasn't a definate plan just an idea since they come, cook, set it up and clean it up..But I think it may be a bit epensive. We could also have less then what was invited. I just don't want anyone spending so much $$ on food. DH saw how upset I was last night and apologized. Just trying to make it a memorable shower for me since I have waited so long for this moment. I asked him, from this moment on to please work it out it with my mom. He is respecting my wishes, but wants me to know he wants to give me the best shower ever!

**Update** Thank you all to have responded as I have said it would of been best if my mom will do what she can can do and my DH and MIL will figure out the rest. Well things def got worse. I am now having 2 showers. My mom decided it was best that she just do something with the family for me at my grandmother's house since 60 people is allot for a shower. She knew the total before the planning even started and did not have a problem with it. She was complaining that she never heard of a co-ed shower and there is no such thing! She doesn't know anyone and only has 5 people coming(which that is family) did she expect for my DH and MIL to pay for basically everyone else? Why hound me for a shower list so she could do inviations..makes no sense. I was really upset about this but this is for the best! It's really sad that I have known about every detail where the only thing I should of done was been suprised! So I am still having the shower that was origianlly planned, just that they will not attend and will have something for me that Friday before. It's very upsetting still but I just can not deal with this any longer. She has sent constant e-mails to my MIL saying she has 2 weddings coming(which she isnt even paying for) and can't afford all the expenseses. I wanted to see all the e-mails and which I read and she actually said she felt she didn't have to pay..the mother doesn't pay for the shower. I didn't realise my happiness cost money. All I wanted was a simple shower, heroes, hot trays and maybe some salad. Very simple..It's all ruined now. My DH is now taking over and making it the most spectaular shower I have ever seen! Maybe now after this things will settle down..I can start to feel un- stressed, and feeling back to normal

Message edited 5/22/2013 9:36:45 PM.

Re: Some Guidance Please!!

I know how you feel. I want my shower to go as smooth as possible, but there was some conflict at the beginning, but it looks like everything is working out. DH is working as the liaison between my mom, MIL, and friends so it looks like things will be ok.

Don't worry about it too much. It seems like your DH is stepping up to the plate and trying his best to help out. I'm sure it will come out beautifully

Re: Some Guidance Please!!

It seems like everyone needs to just step back a bit. It is really sweet that your husband wants to make the day so memorable for you but it sounds like A LOT of pressure is being put on the event, when showers are generally pretty low key for the most part. I am not sure about how many people you are having but $1000 for food (especially for a baby shower) is crazy in my opinion. You'd be more than fine with sandwiches, pasta and some hot dishes. It's wrong that your mom is trying to just cover her side but it sounds like it would just be easier for everyone if your husband and MIL plan for some extras without spending a fortune. At the end of the day, this is a day to celebrate the upcoming arrival of your babies. It is a small event in the grand scheme of it all and it should not be causing this much stress..especially for you. I know baby showers are a one time thing (usually) but it is not something that needs to be "perfect" (like planning a wedding). It might be a good idea to tell your husband that your shower doesn't need to over the top and that all that you care about is that you get to share the day with your family and friends. I hope it all works out for you and that the day is enjoyable. But please don't stress about this! It will all work out in the end

Some Guidance Please!!

Honestly, just let them do whatever they are going to do. You shouldn't even know what's going on.
Stuff like this always happens when there's a party to plan and a lot of people are involved.
Sorry...

Re: Some Guidance Please!!

Re: Some Guidance Please!!

Re: Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

Update in original post..I think I just want to run away...very very far away.

Re: Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

Yeah I can understand, my mom made a stink about paying for my shower too & now I'm not even having one at all... she expected me to plan it also & I just don't have time to do all that right now now. It stinks! Sorry you have to deal with that. Try not to pay attention to any of the shower drama as much as possible, I"m sure it'll be great no matter what.

Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

I'm so sorry you are going through this - they shouldn't be adding any more stress on you, and you're right, the only thing you should have had to do was be surprised. I'm glad to hear your DH is taking over, it sounds like the only thing he's concerned about is making sure YOUR day is awesome. And I'm sure it will be!

Re: Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

would it be possible for yuor mom to give a certain amount,whatever she can afford..and u tell her u and dh or mil or whoever can cover the rest and then u can plan how u want?

Re: Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

Posted by Pray4Baby2010

Posted by StaceyWill

Honestly, just let them do whatever they are going to do. You shouldn't even know what's going on.
Stuff like this always happens when there's a party to plan and a lot of people are involved.
Sorry...

I agree. Sorry that it is stressing you out- but you're only job is to worry about what you are wearing that day and if you want to get your hair/make-up done before.

no one should be giving you details ahead of it

Re: Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Try and detach yourself from this mess as much as you can. It's not worth the stress! I'm sure everything will work out.

Re: Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

ugh on the update- I want to cry for you and throw you an awesome shower. I am sorry that your mom is being like this.

As hard as it is, put it behind you and enjoy the shower that your dh and mil are planning for you

Re: Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

I feel a bit better but not really!! My mom has constantly been texting me and she called my office twice once she blocked the number hoping she get me but my friend was covering my desk at the time. I can not believe it has come down to this! I really did not want two showers at all! It's a shame and embarssing that none of my family will be at my shower and they want to do something just family that Friday, 2 days before the actual shower. Do I make a stand and not go? And say too much stuff going on I only want one shower and if you can come great and if not I will see you another time, or just go anyways? Tossed by this. DH made this point to me. Since it all boiled down to money. So hurt crushed and confused about this. I just don't know what to do or think anymore...

Re: Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

ugghh sorry you are dealing with this hun but honestly let them figure it out whatever the outcome is ...its going to be great.

Re: Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

I think you just need to step back and relax. Trust DH to do the best he can, and realize you can't control other people's actions.

I went through lots of drama with my bridal shower years ago because my mom felt the need to tell me all the things that were going wrong. Truth be told, I didn't even want a shower after that, but it was a beautiful day in the end.
This time, I want to know nothing! Except for the date and the place, which was slipped to me accidentally, I know nothingggggg. I know there has been some drama, but I don't ask about it and DH and planners won't mention it to me.

If you can just say "whatever will be, will be", you should do that. You are right you don't need the added stress. Your body is hard at work making those babies!!!!

Message edited 5/23/2013 12:36:04 PM.

Some Guidance Please!!** UPDATE**

try to stay out of it as much as possible, it's just a party. I had similar drama but throw a stepmother into the mix. They kept asking for my input and I told them "I gave you my opinion on it, please stop asking me" because at that point I was ready to say screw it!