Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

I haven't even been to my first ob appt yet to see a heartbeat, so it is definitely way too early in my book to tell any friends. This weekend was the first time I was out with friends at bars having to somehow not drink. Since getting married it seems our friends watch me like a hawk every time we are out, waiting to out me or something. I figured it would be easier to drink seltzer with a lime (I usually drink vodka sodas) than use an unbelievable antibiotics lie and not drink. Welp, one of our friends totally saw the bartender make my non alcoholic drink and he called me out on it asking what I was drinking and then saying...Oh, you mean soda water and lime? I tried to play dumb and he dropped it eventually, hopefully because he realized it wasn't the right thing to push me about. But I'm pretty certain he will share this tidbit withour other friends, so by next weekend when I see them all again at another drinking event it will be glaringly obvious when I don't drink. I live in the city so I can't ever use the "I'm driving excuse" either.

I know no matter what they notice or say I don't have to out myself, even if they figure it out. But it still stresses me out so much to not be able to keep people from suspecting. I don't want to be antisocial for 3 months to avoid this. I also have a destination bachelorette party coming up, and there will be no way to hide it then. My girlfriends know me too well to know even antibiotics wouldn't keep me from having a drink at a bach party.

I kinda wish people had more of a filter when it came to these things. Like even if you catch me drinking seltzer, don't tell me and put me on the spot. Tell me in 3 months when I share my news. Sorry, long vent about booze!

Re: Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

I had the same thing happen to me. Literally, the day after I found out I was pregnant. It was frustrating, but we wound up telling family before we heard he heartbeat so I only had to deal with it for about 2 weeks.

Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

You can't control if other people make comments. Just ignore it. I didn't hide my drinking from my close friends but I didn't acknowledge it either, I just let them think whatever. I used work as an excuse too.

You seriously can't stress about it for 3 months.

Re: Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

I stressed like crazy trying to conceal my first pregnancy until 12 weeks. I started showing, like, the minute I peed on a stick! People began asking me if I was pregnant at only 6 weeks--before I had even told my mom. I didn't want to lie (superstitious) but didn't know what else to do, so I lied. I cried over it until 12 weeks. Looking back, I never should have stressed myself out over such a wonderful thing!

The 2nd time around, I was going to hide it for as long as I could, but people started congratulating me at 7 weeks! I just thanked them--I didn't have the energy to do that again!

My reason for not wanting to tell was in case of mc, I didn't want to have to tell everyone. But bad news travels fast, & when I did suffer a very early mc with a 3rd pregnancy, my friends spread the word for me.

At the end of the day, just do what is best for you. Ignore your friends, shrug, lie, whatever. And enjoy the little one growing inside! GL!!

Re: Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

When that happened to me with some "friends" who seemed to be interested more for the sport of guessing and preventing my having privacy and the ability to surprise them more than out of concern...

I said to this one guy (softly): "You know that there are lots of reasons why someone may not want to drink, and even if they have to do with having a baby, she may not be pregnant-right?" He nodded.

Then I said. "And you know that all of those reasons are private and personal, right?" He nodded.

Then I just looked him in the eye and said "So, why? " He just shook his head, and no one asked me a thing until I was ready to announce something, at which time they all congratulated me and didn't try to one-up me by telling me how they already knew.

Some people just need to gently be told that they're being jerks.

Congrats, by the way!

Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

Right after I found out I was pregnant I had planned a party for DH's 35th. It was open bar and I knew people would notice if I wasn't drinking so before the party started I spoke to the bartender and she was making me virgin mojitos. I had a 40th bday party for my cousin a few weeks later and spoke to the bartender and they were giving me seltzer with lime in glasses they would normally make gin and tonics and no one thought anything either time.

I hate that people have to say something when they notice you're not drinking. There are plenty of times I have noticed someone is avoiding alcohol but I never bring it up to them, it is such an awkward conversation!

Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

This is how my best friend figures it out. I JUST peed on a stick a couple hours before I saw her. Our families didn't even know yet. I always told her if I turn down a glass of wine you can guess I'm probably pregnant. We were at her apartment and she offered me wine. I froze and just turned it down. Then I wasn't smoking when we walked to the bar. She was dancing in the street but never asked me about it.

It's SO hard to do fake drinking. I suffer from cluster headaches so I eventually just started telling people that I was on a new medication they were trying and I couldn't drink on the medication. My friend then introduced me to a mixed drink that looked like a mixed drink but no one ever caught on. I would get an orange juice and cranberry juice with a splash of sprite and a cherry. No one ever really caught on and it was brilliant!!!! When they tasted it we just told them "I know it's weak but the juice is strong enough you don't taste the vodka anyway".

Re: Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

i really thought i had it covered by ordering the soda water and lime in a regular mixed drink glass (i told the bartender, and he got what i meant). but my annoyingly observant friends at the OTHER end of the bar must have seen the bartender make my drink and not put any vodka in it. whatever, i'm trying not to stress about it. this guy isn't malicious, i think he's just clueless and didn't think it was a big deal to question me. i have a feeling this won't be a secret for 12 whole weeks...

Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

When I was pregnant with DS 1 we went to a huge graduation party in North Carolina with a group of friends. It was so obvious I wasn't drinking (it was a beer party mainly so we used the antibiotics excuse). Nobody questioned me but, they all knew.

Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

I never cared. I did tell some people early but others if they wanted to guess then I would just let them.

People will find out before you tell them. For me it really was not something that I was goign to go crazy over.

Re: Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

The day we found out we were leaving for ac for my BFF thirtieth. I told her and she drank my drinks for me at dinner...everyone was so wasted they didn't notice and I had the bartender at the pool make me virgin drinks...do u drink beer because you could odouls it if you are afraid. But otherwise pineapple cran and sprite works wonders too

Re: Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

i was in the same boat yesterday. my normal drink is vodka club with lime so i was drinking club with cranberry and lime so no one would ask... i got lucky!

Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

I think people who haven't been there don't GET it. On one hand these are your friends so they are just EXCITED for you. And they want to know so they can celebrate and be happy and honestly they mean well- I just don't think they really know or understand that the beginning is a super risky time.

I tried using a "low-carb diet" as my excuse. Because losing weight is the only thing my friends would buy as an excuse for me not drinking! Actually I used psuedo- drinks too. If there is a way you can somehow be sneaky and ask the bartender to make all your drinks without alcohol but not be obvious about it. Or if your friends buy you a drink just hold it and pretend to drink it, run into the bathroom and dump it, then go order another one. OR- carry a couple bottles of water on you and dump out your drink in the bathroom and refill with water. Once they are drunk enough then they will stop noticing as much. Don't worry- this phase seems like an eternity but its only a couple months!

Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

i've been avoiding going out for this specific reason! just a few more weeks to go before we can tell more people.

Re: Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

I found that it helped (when people werent suspicious) to hold a real beer in a bottle. you can pretend to drink it occasionally, pour some out in the bathroom, or have your DH drink some. Most people, unless they are really scrutinizing your actions will think "X is drinking beer" and not think twice or suspect anything from there.

Also, if you can drink fake drinks without drawing suspicion, do that. I drank pomegranite juice in a wine glass at a party and everyone thought it was wine although I got a bit nervous when a friend accidentally picked up my drink. At an event I asked for a small club soda with a lime and a straw and held it with a napkin wrapped around my glass.

I also lied about antibiotics once.

Vent: already struggling with concealing my not drinking alcohol

I had this issue a lot in the first 3 months. I would order a beer, go to the bathroom and dump it down the drain and fill it with water. Worked every time!