Grandparent Vent!

DD's set of grandparents are annoying me and I just need to vent about it. Does anyone else have parents like this and/or any advice on how to get them to be of more actual help? Both my parents and my in-laws keep emphasizing how we are sooo lucky we have them for support and that they are willing to help whenever with whatever. But it is just not true, in fact they are actually making things harder for us and it's therefore worse. My parents only live 40 minutes away and I will tell them in advance that I could really use their help from at like 10am. They of course, don't show up until 1 in the afternoon when its her nap time. They also then complain we put her to bed too early (around 530/6). They know she's awake at 5 or 6 am each day and that I needed the help in the morning, not the afternoon. They act like the 40 minute drive is soooo long. And then they want a pat on the back or some kind of "credit" for being "such great support". They constantly say isn't it great having us when you need us? And I try to gently remind them that I NEEDED them earlier... but they don't get it. And my in-laws, when they come, since they live almost 3 hours away, they come for 24 hour visits. They don't ever let us sleep, they try and hold DD the entire time, and they constantly make us work for them. When I say no, I am not cooking for you, I'll call in some food, they pretend they are going to cook. FIL runs to the supermarket gets all this stuff they want to eat/cook that I would never even prepare... and then MIL decides she's too busy with DD and DH and I are stuck cooking and cleaning for them. All 4 of them just end up messing up our routines, criticizing us, creating more work for us, ... that is not support. ugh im just frustrated.

Re: Grandparent Vent!

I would find a babysitter or a mother's helper for the times you need assistance. It is hard to navigate the "help" sometimes. I had to put my foot down and say this is what I need and when I need it, if you can't be here then, that is ok, but let me know so I can plan accordingly. If you let them just be grandparents without the expectations you might have a better relationship. It takes time and honestly at the newborn stage, it is hard. It is tiring. But it does get easier. Good luck.

Re: Grandparent Vent!

Is there any way you can stop the 24 hour visits, unless of course you don't mind them. That would drive ME crazy but you might not mind it. If they are going to stay overnight can you ask them to bring dinner? I'd make sure I had something quick and easy in the house for lunch, like things to make sandwiches. No way would I be cooking for anyone, I'd sooner let them not eat or I'd send DH to McDonalds. If FIL tries to go get things to cook I'd put my foot down and say no. It's your house, your rules. I'm sorry they're creating more work for you. I find that's usually the case when people try to "help" unfortunately.

Grandparent Vent!

My mother is like this. Aren't you soooooooooo lucky i'm here. I have the kids all the time and I am taking them to give you a break. Um you asked to take them and you can never help lol. Just last week she took them from Tues to Wed and my brother called to ask if I was ok. I guess my Mom told him I was so overwhelmed I needed her to "help" and take them for a few days. Nope she called and ASKED ME if she could take them and she had them less then 24 hrs! Got here at 3pm Tues and brought them home at 9am Wed. She woke my DS up to bring him home!

Ugh sometimes helping isn't helping at all. Get a babysitter. Trust me it has saved me in the past and just let the comments go.

Grandparent Vent!

I guess try to set boundaries with both sets of parents. With your parents if they are not coming at the time that's right for you, just tell them it doesn't work for you and you'll see them another time.
With your in laws I think you need to tell them your ordering in and if they push back about cooking, let them go to the store and if they don't do the cooking let the food sit there and make ypirself a sandwich.

Re: Grandparent Vent!

I'll just say I can relate!! I've been feeling so annoyed with both sets of grandparents lately!!