DH Traveling at the End

I actually posted about this what feels like forever ago now, and much of the advice I got at the time was that it was too early to make a decision. Now we're coming down to the end and I feel like I'm not any closer to being able to decide, so any advice would be appreciated...

DH is a partner in a large-ish law firm (by LI standards). Every other year his firm does a "partnership retreat" in Florida and all of the partners take a trip for 3 days both to do things that build camaraderie (play golf, have dinners out, etc.) and to attend business related meetings and seminars. I am also a lawyer and do understand the importance of firm activities like this, etc. This year there will be a presentation of the firm's business model for the next 5 years. DH was on a small committee that was responsible to come up with this plan. He is supposed to be one of the people presenting to the group it at the retreat.

Long story, but there is some discrepancy with my due date. I will either be 37 or 38 weeks pregnant when this trip happens in March.

When I first got pregnant the subject of the retreat came up and it was obvious that it was going to be a very sensitive topic. We never broached it again until DH called me today and told me he really needs to decide what to do. He told me he really, really feels pressure to attend the retreat. I immediately started crying but I was doing my best to keep it in because I was at work. I am already SO uncomfortable, I can't imagine what I'll be like in a few more weeks. I'm also scared about going into labor early and then having the added stress of worrying about whether he will be able to get an immediate flight to come back here. He is definitely trying to dialogue with me about it, but basically what I told him is that I do not know what the right answer is. I understand the pressure he feels and I understand the importance of the presentation in particular. While I think we both agree that nothing is more important than the baby, I'm not sure it's realistic to worry about the baby possibly coming early or if it's just an irrational fear of mine.

I honestly do not know what to do. I know I don't want him to go but I am also trying to be fair and understanding.

Any advice?

Message edited 2/19/2013 4:37:09 PM.

Re: DH Traveling at the End

How far away is it? If it's a drive, I'd be ok with it. If it was a flight, ehhh, probably not. If its your first PG I'd much rather him be around.

Re: DH Traveling at the End

Just edited my post to be clearer - the retreat is in Florida. This is my first pregnancy.

DH Traveling at the End

Not to scare but tiny tot came 37w1d. That's full term. Every woman is different. Some go past their due date. DH knew not to schedule anything after week 36. Not because I told him but because he said he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he missed the birth of his first.

Re: DH Traveling at the End

No I wouldn't be comfortable then. This is my 2nd PG...the first time I was more nervous. But still, it's pretty close to your DD and Florida is not that close. If he can quickly get back on a flight, then maybe but you have to do what is comfortable with YOU and HIM. Personally I know DH would not go then, even this 2nd time around that close to the due date (and I was late the first time). I guess there is not 'right' answer, but that's what we would do. I hope you find some peace with your decision soon

Re: DH Traveling at the End

I know how you feel.. Dh has to travel when Im 36 weeks preggers and hes going to DC for a week.. Although its not super far it still scares me a little. But, its a great opportunity for him and I don't want him to miss out.

Im hoping that going to the weekly appts they will determine if it seems like I would go into labor early or not even close to it. Im hoping I go late so hopefully no worries!

Re: DH Traveling at the End

I would tell him to go, under the stipulation that if you go to the doctor that week or within the two days before he leaves and there is any progress showing you'll go over those 3 days, he stays home. I know many women go early, but hopefully a dr's visiit right before he leaves will give you some comfort.

I'd also have him know that if you go into labor, he is to get on the first flight home.

But that's me. I'd make sure he books a refundable flight.

Re: DH Traveling at the End

Re: DH Traveling at the End

I wouldn't be comfortable with DH going away at that point in my pregnancy. Anything can happen at the end and things change quickly in pregnancy. I would be a nervous wreck if he wasn't around. Honestly,work is important but there will be other retreats. Given the circumstances, I think anyone he works with would understand him needing to stay close to home this time around.

Re: DH Traveling at the End

Re: DH Traveling at the End

Does DH want to go to the retreat? You mentioned that he is feeling pressured by others to go, that You don't know what the right answer is, and that you have spoken about it, but i don't remember seeing anything about what he wants to do.

Message edited 2/19/2013 6:09:37 PM.

DH Traveling at the End

As a woman who travels for work and is pregnant this is a hard one. Can he book the tickets and can you literally make a dr appointment the day before to see how you are doing? (Don't even know if this makes sense) assuming the firm is paying and worst case he can't go bc you are in labor or dr thinks it could be in a day or so. I don't know the right answer but most importantly you both should be happy with the decision. Best of luck!

Re: DH Traveling at the End

Do you have anyone else you can rely on if DH goes on the trip, parents, siblings, good friends? I wouldn't be crazy about DH going but we give each other a lot of leeway when it comes to work. I travel a lot for work, have been doing so during the pregnancy, and will continue when LO arrives (having anxiety about that but that's for another post).

I agree with the others to do what is best for you both but don't automatically shoot it down because of what ifs.

Re: DH Traveling at the End

DH Traveling at the End

This to me is a definitely NO. My mom went to the doc with my brother, (granted this was 20 years ago) and he said all was fine and nothing would happen for days. An hour and a half later she was in L&D and my brother was born. I wouldn't want DH any further than an hour away at 38 weeks. If it turns out that his presence wasn't needed then he missed a retreat. If it turns out that it was and he wasn't there, then he missed the birth of his first child.

Re: DH Traveling at the End

Re: DH Traveling at the End

DH Traveling at the End

I wouldnt want him to go, but i would probably support it under certain conditions:

If dr thinks anything suspicious going on toward end he cancels or returns home immediately.
He carries a list of all flights on all airlines leaving the area so that if u call, he can get on the very next possible flight. Leave the bags, just get ina cab and get to the airport if u make that call
He carry his cell at every single moment and stays where there is reception.
He considers not going the full three days. Skip an event the first or last day, do the presentation and attend 1 or two social events. Enough to make an appearance, but his partners will understand if he ddoesn't do every single event.

Re: DH Traveling at the End

Re: DH Traveling at the End

I think this is a very touchy subject. This is something about your relationship and how comfortable you feel with letting DH go away to such a close time. Honestly there are no real opinions that can change the way you feel. I think an honest conversation with your DH will help. I know most ladies are speaking personal experiences and I myself must say that I wouldn't want DH traveling so close to the due date but if you and DH have that kind of relationship and are ok with then then go for it. I wish you the best of luck and hope he can be at the birth of your child.

ETA: He can also only attend the day he's presenting I'm sure his job will understand!

Message edited 2/20/2013 2:50:40 PM.