Advice Needed

I really need some input. I know that I am not on here often, but I do really appreciate and value all of your advice. I am beginning to feel like a failure. DS is 17 months old. My DH and I work full time. We had a sitter that I found on care.com when I first returned from maternity leave. She was a young girl who left us with no notice after 10 months. We looked back and realized that it was actually a blessing, because she wasn’t really caring for DS the way he needed for the stage that he was at. But, we were happy that we could keep DS at home, where he is familiar with his surroundings and keep his schedule. Also, DH and I both work extremely early shifts at work (we both start at 6 and 6:30 AM), so we were happy not to have to drag DS out that early in the morning. So, we found a new sitter on care.com but she can only watch DS in her house. My ad on care.com was specific in that I really wanted someone to care for DS in our home. But, the new sitter said that this would work while her DH was not working, but once he goes back things would change. So, we felt it might be better to begin dropping DS to her house. We really liked her at first and the idea that she will be teaching DS things one-on-one. She will also cooks for him. But, after about two months, we find that she is very bossy and she isn’t as flexible as we had thought (which we need because of the nature of DH’s position at work). We told her that the latest she would have to work is 3:30 (she starts at 5:45AM) and that she would be compensated. But, it’s gotten to the point where we are afraid to ask her for anything extra! I feel like a failure because I feel like I am not doing the best that I can for DS. It is just so hard. I know that daycare is something that I should consider. I am concerned about two things: DS getting sick a lot and I would also have to change my shift at work and get home later than I do now (meaning less time with DS). My heart tells me to keep DS at home, where he is comfortable and we can keep up with his schedule. But we have not been successful in finding that “right” person. What are your thoughts/experiences? Thank you if you have read this entire thing!

Message edited 1/17/2013 6:48:09 AM.

Re: I feel like a failure

You are NOT a failure! Please don't feel that way. Finding a good nanny is SOOOOO hard. Believe me, I've interviewed too many to count. Have you tried other sources besides care.com? We found our current nanny on a local Brooklyn moms board and we're actually interviewing now (considering a change) and we've been using sittercity.com. Definitely get the word out to everyone you know that you are looking. Post on Facebook. Tell coworkers and neighbors. You never know who may know someone!

I get annoyed too b/c our ad on sittercity is VERY specific and these women come to interview asking for more hours or more money and I'm like...HELLO you read our ad, why are you wasting our time??

Another thing I've learned having a nanny for 2+ years...it's so hard to truly speak up bc you don't want a disgruntaled nanny. However, I have also learned that no matter what these are my kids and I want them taken care of my way, so I definitely speak up a LOT more now (in the most non-confrontational way ever lol).

Daycare is definitey an option too but I don't have experience with it so I can't offer advice.

Re: I feel like a failure

Please don't feel like you are a failure. You are doing the best you can for your family and that's all that matters.

My advice would be to find an in-home licensed and insured daycare that will accommodate those early hours. Your DS will benefit from the socialization and most in-home daycares have a very small capacity so there is more one-on-one attention.

I LOVE my in-home daycare. She only cares for 10 kids that range from 14 weeks to 4 years old and has an assistant. My DD has only gotten sick once and she is 22 months old. She has had ear infections and the typical cold but I wouldn't say they were caused by daycare. She loves going to "school" and playing with the kids and she is learning a lot. She eats so much better there than she does at home. She has been going there since she was 12 weeks old and they actually got her on a nap schedule from 5 months. I just adhered to it on the weekends. They also transitioned her from 2 naps to 1 and I follow along on the weekends. In the Spring she is going to start potty training DD and another little boy because they are close in age. I said go for it and tell me what you need me to do!

Re: I feel like a failure

Thank you so much for the feed back. This is definitely so difficult. There are so many avenues, it's just about making the right choices. I never thought about in-home daycares...that's also an option...

Re: I feel like a failure

Would you consider an au pair? If you have an extra bedroom in your house it's a great option. You wouldn't have to wake your child to take them out since the au pair lives with you. You can use them up to 10 hours a day for a total of 45 hours a week. Ours is like a family member, she adores the kids and is fantastic with them. I can't say enough great things about the program. Feel free to FM me for more details. I hope you're able to find a solution that works for you, there is nothing worse then worrying about childcare!!

Re: I feel like a failure

You aren't the failure! Those people are. You want to do whats best for your family and your DC.

I use Tutor Time. My daycare center is flexible. I use them part time and they are flexible for the days and hours. Whatever day you choose it's from 6:30a-6:30pm

yes children tend to get more colds in daycare settings but they really try. No outside shoes int he infant room, they wear gloves during changes and a new pair for bottles, toys get cleaned at the end of the night and the changing pad is changed inbetween each diaper change.

Just putting it out there. This WAS the best option for what we needed. Good Luck!

Re: I feel like a failure

Honestly Icould never put my DC in daycare (that's just me ) especially at such a young age, because I am a control freak and knowing that my DC is not getting the one on one care would bother me. Plus I would be too afraid of DC getting sick all the time...
If *I* had to pick I would go with a babysitter , but only at my home and I would install nanny cams in every room. If you don't love the babysitter and she is not working out you need to let her go and hire someone new. Someone who will work around your schedule. OR have a good talk with your current babysitter and tell her exactly what you need.

Message edited 1/16/2013 3:29:44 PM.

I feel like a failure

I would research daycare centers in your area. While I get the reasons people don't like them there are also some great pros to them.

My DS has been at one since 8 weeks. While he does not get one on one care there are limits as to how many kids can be in a room and rules on the staff. The staff has to be NYC certified. You will never have to deal with a sick sitter. The kids learn to play together and learn socialization skills early on. I truly beleive my DS is way ahead of many of his milestones because he is learning from the kids around him......I do not think my child is gifted, I jsut think kids are sponges and they pick up knowledge around them.

Yes my kid has had tons of colds BUT my DH and I both are sick as dogs right now and DS is perfectly fine....I think because he is exposed to germs and has a tolerance.

Centers have all kinds of hrs so you might be able to find one that has early drop off. Mine opens at 630 am. I trust my center completely. The right center actually becomes an extended family. My DS is loved by the staff at daycare and they have nurtured my DS more than I evr thought possible by a center.

Re: I feel like a failure

I love my kid's daycare and love having my kids in a center based environment. I say do some research before you say no.

I never feel guilty speaking my mind, I don't feel hostage to someone's personality and I never worry about my gripes being taken out on my kids because there are always others watching. I just feel more secure.

Message edited 1/16/2013 5:45:26 PM.

I feel like a failure

you aren't a failure...... its tough to tell if sitter isn't that good unless they are ridiculously bad... we got fooled by ds's daycare. When we moved to a new one we felt like total crap that we didn't realize it sooner... Can't beat yourself up about it- just make the change now that you realize it. We LOVE the center ds and dd are in now..... everyone is like so smiley, they rave about our kids, our ds isn't scared to go there(he had started clinging to my legs not letting me leave at the last place) ......... sickness - its not so bad them getting some colds - they are going to get it now- or get it when they get to kindergarten, I feel it very safe you get buzzed into pick them up.

Re: Advice Needed

Thank you all for the feedback. It helps me out so much. Sometimes it's hard to see clearly when you have so much on your mind!