I need some inspiration for my email

I wanted to email my surrogate on Sunday after the agency spoke to her. I had so many ideas for what I wanted to express to her.... how grateful we are for the hope she has given us .... how she will always be a part of our joinery even though she was not the end result....... On Sunday, I was feeling VERY emotionally connected to the situation.


On Sunday night before I got the chance to reach out to her, my agency said she asked that she have a few days to process everything that's going on before I reach out to her. I was a little surprised by this and it seemed a bit cold to me -- (I don't remember ever telling someone to not contact me for x amount of time) .. besides that, we really bonded and became friends. Before we got the news that we would not be able to work together, we were joking around like normal. I feel terrible that things are ending this way ...... but we were going to this process TOGETHER.. and I was surprised when she needed her space to process it all. Of course, I respected her wishes.


Well ... Now is Friday... .and I've spent the week thinking about my plans moving forward and haven't thought much about our surrogate situation because all we have at this point is the future. Of course I feel bad it didn't work out with us, but I've begun the process to move on with my life. What else can I do? Anyway I guess now I'm just looking for inspiration for how to start this email. How do I even begin it? This just feels awkward to me

Re: I need some inspiration for my email

Such an odd position to be in, so sorry that it is awkward at this point with this woman.

My only advice is just to write from your heart what you want to say, and how you feel... to gain closure with this woman. Then, try to be ok with no response, or a response you were not expecting. May-be you will get a response you were hoping for, but write the letter for her and for yourself, to allow the closure, so you can move on and open up to whatever is next for you.

I am so sorry you have to worry about this, what an emotional journey.

Re: I need some inspiration for my email

Posted by lulugrrl

Such an odd position to be in, so sorry that it is awkward at this point with this woman.

My only advice is just to write from your heart what you want to say, and how you feel... to gain closure with this woman. Then, try to be ok with no response, or a response you were not expecting. May-be you will get a response you were hoping for, but write the letter for her and for yourself, to allow the closure, so you can move on and open up to whatever is next for you.

I am so sorry you have to worry about this, what an emotional journey.

Re: I need some inspiration for my email

I think there are things in the posts you just made that you can use for inspiration.

"I had so many ideas for what I wanted to express to her.... how grateful we are for the hope she has given us .... how she will always be a part of our joinery even though she was not the end result....... "

Maybe start off with that and I'm sure the rest of the words will flow. Or think about what are all the thing you'd want to tell her if she was there next to you...

I've also found that sometimes it helps to just write words of how you feel on a piece of paper. Not in full sentences, but almost capturing your emotions in quick words and then using those to start a letter.

I wish I could offer better advice, but I think you can use this opportunity to really express what this process has meant and what your relationship with her has meant to you.

Re: I need some inspiration for my email

Thank you, I like the idea to say what I would if she was here next to me. I feel like once I get started in the email it will start to flow, it's mostly the getting started part. It's like ..

"Dear Surrogate, so I know things didn't really work out but lets be friends"

I just wanna have closure... and a friendship if at all possible.

I need some inspiration for my email

Its so hard to relate to your surrogate's situation bc I would think if anyone you would need the few days to process this information not the other way around. However, I guess that shows you how invested she was in this process. If I were you I would just be honest and if you're true to how you feel than you won't have any regrets with whichever way she does or doesn't respond back to you. As pp said, how you started this post I think would be a great starting point .. good luck and lots of hugs for you!

I need some inspiration for my email

I would truly be honest...tell her that you wish this would have ended differently but that is not the case...express to her that you feel that you had built a relationship with her and she will always be apart of your life...Also see if she wants the same and be ok if she doesnt...its such a hard position for you both...She may not want to email you back but at least you will get it off your chest and be able to move on...I also find that making a list of what you would like to ask, say or how you feel may help in writing down what you want to say to her

Re: I need some inspiration for my email

Thanks ladies, I'm going to send the email tonight I decided.


My agency actually contacted me and said that my surrogate told them that she misses our contact and they said she will be thrilled to hear from me. That makes me feel better... It was really hard to express myself in an email not knowing what was going through her head AT ALL ..

Re: I need some inspiration for my email

Re: I need some inspiration for my email

So happy to hear she is ready for contact. She might have just needed to time to come to terms with not being able to help you. From what you have said she seems like she was really committed, and so excited to be your surrogate.

Re: I need some inspiration for my email

Thank you so much ladies, I sent the email. I feel really good about it and really tried to convey how much my dh and I value her as a hero and a real part of our journey, despite not being the end result.

Re: I need some inspiration for my email

Given that you seem to have developed a friendship and bonded throughout this experience I'm sure that is tough to deal with. I bet on many levels she feels badly b/c she may feel she disappointed you.

In a sense it's a loss for her too. Maybe she just needed some time work through her emotions.

Your story (and her's) is evidence of just how special and loving people can be. Thank you for openly sharing your journey. Many prayers for you both & best of luck.

Re: I need some inspiration for my email