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MM2004
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Member since 5/05 1854 total posts
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I'm so devastated
I had my infertifily consult on Monday. Basically it all comes down to I waited too long to try again after my miscarriage and now I'm basically too old and too fat. (41)
According to the ultrasound I have very few eggs left.
we are still waiting for bloodwork and I have to go for a test to see if my tubes are even still open but at this point I think its pretty hopeless.
Our insurance doesn't cover IVF so its IUI only and the Dr. said the chances are pretty minimal that will work with my age and weight in the picture.
I hate mysef for denying my husband the big family he wanted. Why did I wait so long. And this f'in weight....I've let it hold me back from so many things.
Adoption is not financially feasible for us at this time nor is paying for IVF out-of-pocket.
I know I'm blessed because I have a beautiful son and so many are struggling to have just one but I really wanted to give him that sibling. When we were going to the doctors office he thought we were gong to come home with a little brother. Now I don't know how to explain to him that he isn;t going to get one after all.
Now all I see is babies everywhere...on tv, in the paper, at the store.
Why did I let this happen??? My husband is so dissapointed.
Message edited 8/15/2012 10:15:08 AM.
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Posted 8/15/12 10:13 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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6months
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/08 598 total posts
Name:
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I'm so devastated
I'm sorry to hear about the egg quality issue. I don't think 41 is "too old" at all and shame on your RE for telling you that! I would go for a second opinion because this is life-changing stuff and you don't want to just go with just one person's advice.
Are donor eggs an option for you guys? It's a tough decision.
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| Posted 8/15/12 10:58 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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I'm so devastated
First off I'm very sorry to hear that but I would definitely get a second opinion. I don't think 41 is too old at all and as far as the weight I would just try to lose it now. Don't beat yourself up. Try to go forward and I would definitely get second and even third opinions. Many prayers for you!
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| Posted 8/15/12 11:17 AM |
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Re: I'm so devastated
im so sorry you are upset. PLEASE PLEASE get a second opinion!! 41 is NOT too old!
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| Posted 8/15/12 11:20 AM |
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keepingsecrets
ridiculously blessed!!
Member since 7/09 1912 total posts
Name:
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I'm so devastated
i'm sorry your RE made it sound so hopeless. IMO, 41 is not "too old" and the too fat thing really gets me. i'm REALLY fat. like, REALLY. i've outright asked my RE about it and while they would love to see me lose some weight, nobody has told me it's hopeles! also, how could they tell from an ultrasound that you have few eggs left???
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| Posted 8/15/12 11:32 AM |
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ericaandlou
LIF Infant
Member since 8/10 71 total posts
Name:
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I'm so devastated
I don't post a lot, but just wanted to let you know that 41 is NOT too old, please don't give up! My hairdresser is going to be 49 this November and she is pregnant with TWINS via an IUI, so you never never know!
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| Posted 8/15/12 11:34 AM |
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snowflake3
LIF Infant
Member since 7/12 159 total posts
Name:
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I'm so devastated
I agree- you need a second opinion. I can give you the info of my awesome RE if you would like. I know many girls on here love their REs, so I am sure you could get some great recommendations if you need them.
Also, you said you are OOP for IVF. There are grants available. I know two people who had no IVF insurance and paid nothing anyway.
Good luck!
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| Posted 8/15/12 11:37 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm so devastated
Posted by keepingsecrets
i'm sorry your RE made it sound so hopeless. IMO, 41 is not "too old" and the too fat thing really gets me. i'm REALLY fat. like, REALLY. i've outright asked my RE about it and while they would love to see me lose some weight, nobody has told me it's hopeles! also, how could they tell from an ultrasound that you have few eggs left???
I'm so sorry! 
Your RE can only tell about your egg quality and number of eggs left through bloodwork, not from an ultrasound.
What RE did you see? I'd suggest seeing someone else for a 2nd opinion.
I don't want to sound insensitive at all, but it sounds like you're really unhappy with your weight. Why don't you try to get healthier? I have heard that being overweight can prevent you from ovulating but that dropping as little as 5-10% of your body weight can improve fertility. Many REs will suggest weight loss before treatment anyway. Plus, slimming down will help you to feel better about yourself and will allow you to be around longer for your DS!
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| Posted 8/15/12 12:07 PM |
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I'm so devastated
I am so sorry! But I would suggest getting a second opinion! One is not always the deciding factor! I will keep you in my prayers.
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| Posted 8/15/12 1:16 PM |
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prunepie
LIF Adult
Member since 7/06 4357 total posts
Name:
jennifer
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Re: I'm so devastated
Fm me. U r not too fat and u can't tell shit from ultrasound for sure. I was given 5 percent chance and have a ds now. Time for more opinions!!!
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| Posted 8/15/12 1:48 PM |
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MissMeliss
Love my kids
Member since 11/08 1424 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm so devastated
First, I've never heard of an ultrasound showing how many eggs you have left  Based upon that alone I'd definitely recommend a second opinion.
Secondly, you are not too Old! Don't let this doc discourage you.
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| Posted 8/15/12 2:11 PM |
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MrsM429
Mama x2 <3
Member since 12/10 4946 total posts
Name:
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I'm so devastated
Please go for a second opinion!!
I was told by my first RE that she would not do anything unless I lost 30lbs- that it was policy. I went and met with another RE today, and he said that it would be good to lose weight for my overall health, but that being overweight IS NOT a deal breaker.
And as far as your age, I can not believe that a professional doctor would say that to you! There are women in their mid to late 40's and even early 50's who are having children (I know of 1 who is having her first child at the age of 43), so please do not feel like there is no chance!
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| Posted 8/15/12 2:14 PM |
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MrsM429
Mama x2 <3
Member since 12/10 4946 total posts
Name:
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I'm so devastated
dbl post, sorry 
Message edited 8/15/2012 2:14:23 PM.
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| Posted 8/15/12 2:14 PM |
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DitD
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/12 650 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm so devastated
I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with everyone else, get a second opinion.
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| Posted 8/15/12 3:12 PM |
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moonmist09
Thank you, St. Gerard!
Member since 2/11 5043 total posts
Name:
Antonella
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I'm so devastated
i have a childhood friend whose weight has ballooned to well over 300 pounds. she is considered morbidly obese. it was always her dream to have a baby but it was just not working for her doing it the old fashioned way. she did end up having to go the IVF route, but she is due in October and her baby girl is as healthy as can be!
PLEASE get a second opinion!!! you can not tell egg quality just from a sonogram image!
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| Posted 8/15/12 3:51 PM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: I'm so devastated
I agree with everyone, you need to move on to another RE. And there are other options. There are less expensive RE's outside the tri-state area, there is embryo adoption (basically the cost of an FET, of course no biological connection but sometimes that is not as important as having #2) etc....
I have a friend who is very overweight also. They did that AMA or AMH test (can't remember) and told her she also has no eggs left....yada yada yada....IUI#1 fails, IVF#1 fails. Waiting to do IVF#2 they cancel her cycle because of an active cyste. Well, guess what happened that cycle...sure enough at age of 40 she got pregnant the old natural way with #1. #2 started 6 wks after #1 was born.
I was never told anything like that, I'm 43, workout maniac, health nut and still waiting for #1. I started this whole thing at age 37.
So I would move on (I'm on my 4th RE). And who said IUI's can't work, if they are covered I would certainly try as many as you can manage. My friend had her B/G twins from her 5th IUI at the age of 40.
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| Posted 8/15/12 4:25 PM |
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FlowerWife
Positive Vibrations...
Member since 1/08 8423 total posts
Name:
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I'm so devastated
i agree that your doctor is an A$$!! seriously, there is NO WAY he can tell how many eggs you have through ultrasound, that is completely preposterous!! the only thing they could really tell without having your eggs in an embryology lab is your FSH levels which can indicate egg quality and production. but absolutely go get another opinion. your doctor really is not a nice person with good bedside manner if that is how he delivered the news.
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| Posted 8/15/12 5:32 PM |
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MM2004
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Member since 5/05 1854 total posts
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Re: I'm so devastated
Thanks for all of the advice. I'm going to try to make the best of it and take one test at a time and see what the results are.
I guess I finally have a good reason to get off my fat butt and start exercising huh!
Tomorrow I go for the test to see if my tubes are still open. Can they be reopened if they are closed?
I'm going to have to get a book to start reading up on infertility and learning what all the tests and procedures entail.
God bless you all and thanks again for the pep talk.
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| Posted 8/15/12 7:59 PM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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I'm so devastated
Get a 2nd opinion. You don't want to work with a doom and gloom RE. See what is said about your tubes and move on.
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| Posted 8/15/12 8:33 PM |
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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm so devastated
Posted by whateverLOLAwants
im so sorry you are upset. PLEASE PLEASE get a second opinion!! 41 is NOT too old!
ITA!!!!
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| Posted 8/15/12 9:07 PM |
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JulieLO
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/11 669 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm so devastated
Posted by MM2004
Thanks for all of the advice. I'm going to try to make the best of it and take one test at a time and see what the results are.
I guess I finally have a good reason to get off my fat butt and start exercising huh!
Tomorrow I go for the test to see if my tubes are still open. Can they be reopened if they are closed?
I'm going to have to get a book to start reading up on infertility and learning what all the tests and procedures entail.
God bless you all and thanks again for the pep talk.
Id be more then happy to write you up a diet plan that will help you lose weight. Im NOT a nutritionist but I was a gym rat/fitness model (in my day) and my husband is a bodybuilder (for the past 15 years) so we know from experience :)
41 is NOT TOO OLD!!!! There are women in Eurpoe in their 60's having babies via IUI and IVF...
Paying OOP for IVF sucks, but there are grants and donated meds :)
HSG Test will tell if you tubes are blocked and if that is the case then medically you have a reason to do IVF and it might be covered...(it was for my GF bc of that)
Im sorry your Dr. told you about you not having a lot of eggs... still have NO IDEA how he could tell that from a sono...it is my understanding that bloodwork is the way to go for that...
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| Posted 8/15/12 10:05 PM |
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JulieLO
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/11 669 total posts
Name:
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I'm so devastated
....AND GET A 2nd OPINION!!!!!!!! and a 3rd if need be.....
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| Posted 8/15/12 10:06 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: I'm so devastated
this times a million!
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| Posted 8/15/12 10:23 PM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: I'm so devastated
I also wanted to add that an HSG could be wrong also and say a tube is blocked when its not. My 1st one showed my right tube blocked and it wasn't. Sometimes when the liquid gets up there it causes them to close up. A reaction from the dye, as they are not used to that happening. The next two I had showed tubes were totally clear.
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| Posted 8/15/12 11:39 PM |
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bookworm
Two Little Rosebuds
Member since 8/09 2106 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm so devastated
I'm guessing he did an antral follicle count via ultrasound? I'm not sure how else he could have determined that you didn't have any eggs left. The antral follicle count parallels the AMH test.
All I can say is that the other girls are right: get a second opinion. The illustrious Dr. Brenner had doom and gloom things to say to me when he did my antral follicle count. When I moved on to Dr. Davis, he was actually quite hopeful. When I stimmed for IVF with him, I got 7 fertilized embryos. This is not an overwhelming response, but it's far from hopeless--decent enough to have 2 perfect little 8-cell embryos to put back and a 10-cell for good luck!
I know you can't do IVF but you can still hyperstim with injectables and get preggers through IUI. My friend's sister had 2 failed IVFs and got pregnant when she went back to IUI; so did another friend I met on here.
Some REs are just antiquated, and if they don't have the tools in their repertoire to help you, they talk as if no one does. They should get better at giving referrals  but then that would force them to acknowledge their limitations in their own field.
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| Posted 8/16/12 7:01 AM |
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