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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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just a FTWM sigh/vent
I have no choice for now but to be a FTWM. It's not what I would choose if I had a choice, so sometimes it's harder than others to accept. Summer is making me particularly said. I see moms going to the pool/beach with their kids, to the park, just general fun stuff, and I wish i had summers like that. Even 1 or 2 days a week. My dad was a teacher and summers with him are my favorite childhood memory, and I'm sad i won't have that as a parent, and my kids won't have those memories with me. There's nothing I can do about it and I'm pretty good at just sucking it up and doing what i have to do, but some days, I'm just sad... :( I wish had been a teacher like my dad, but it's too late for me now.
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Posted 7/19/12 12:02 PM  |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
I'm right there with you. For me, it's my not having a choice that is the hardest to swallow.
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| Posted 7/19/12 12:06 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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just a FTWM sigh/vent
I am a FTWM by choice. I take a day off every few weeks to be with DS. I find it helps with the "guilt" of not being there.
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| Posted 7/19/12 12:08 PM |
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CloudNine
My Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 2/09 2831 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
Posted by Pomegranate5
I'm right there with you. For me, it's my not having a choice that is the hardest to swallow.
i feel the same way. its such a heart wrenching thing to know you arent there to watch your kids grow up but dont worry, you'll make plenty of other memories in other ways
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| Posted 7/19/12 12:17 PM |
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rkl1130
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 1476 total posts
Name:
Rose Ann
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
Posted by alli3131
I am a FTWM by choice. I take a day off every few weeks to be with DS. I find it helps with the "guilt" of not being there.
I'm pretty much the same. Summers are a little difficult, but I take some time off and cut out early to maximize the season and spend time with DD. As I see it, I cherish the time we have together more since going back to work because I don't have the luxury to be with her all the time so our time together is even more special.
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| Posted 7/19/12 12:22 PM |
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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
could have written this!!
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| Posted 7/19/12 12:28 PM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
I take a vacation day every now & again to be with my kid during the week.
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| Posted 7/20/12 8:04 AM |
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koala
LIF Toddler
Member since 1/11 386 total posts
Name:
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
I could have written this myself word for word. why OH why did I not become a teacher??? 
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| Posted 7/20/12 8:08 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
Posted by CloudNine
Posted by Pomegranate5
I'm right there with you. For me, it's my not having a choice that is the hardest to swallow.
i feel the same way. its such a heart wrenching thing to know you arent there to watch your kids grow up but dont worry, you'll make plenty of other memories in other ways
This is a TERRIBLE way to think !! We are ALL absolultely there to 'watch our kids grow up!" - You don't have to be w/ them all day, every day to be their mother, and to see and experience them grow and learn! - Don't do that to yourself !!
I am a FTWM by choice - but I take time off througout the year, just to do things w/ the kids - In the summer, I take a week, and then multiple long weekends.
Message edited 7/20/2012 9:29:15 AM.
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| Posted 7/20/12 9:28 AM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by CloudNine
Posted by Pomegranate5
I'm right there with you. For me, it's my not having a choice that is the hardest to swallow.
i feel the same way. its such a heart wrenching thing to know you arent there to watch your kids grow up but dont worry, you'll make plenty of other memories in other ways
This is a TERRIBLE way to think !! We are ALL absolultely there to 'watch our kids grow up!" - You don't have to be w/ them all day, every day to be their mother, and to see and experience them grow and learn! - Don't do that to yourself !!
AGREED!
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| Posted 7/20/12 9:34 AM |
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Finally1108
My two boys
Member since 12/08 3541 total posts
Name:
Angela
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just a FTWM sigh/vent
i hate that I am a FTWM, i want to be with DS 24/7, especially now that he is so young and having all his 1sts! I have to admit i have become bitter towards MIL b/c she gets to spend so much more time with him then me and DH
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| Posted 7/20/12 9:35 AM |
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dlj97
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 4399 total posts
Name:
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
Posted by MrsPorkChop
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by CloudNine
Posted by Pomegranate5
I'm right there with you. For me, it's my not having a choice that is the hardest to swallow.
i feel the same way. its such a heart wrenching thing to know you arent there to watch your kids grow up but dont worry, you'll make plenty of other memories in other ways
This is a TERRIBLE way to think !! We are ALL absolultely there to 'watch our kids grow up!" - You don't have to be w/ them all day, every day to be their mother, and to see and experience them grow and learn! - Don't do that to yourself !!
AGREED!
Me too! I am a FTWM and I think I am setting a wonderful example for DD to grow up to be a strong, independent woman. Of course I miss her all day, but I cherish our evenings and weekends and my vacation time with her. I am proud of the fact that I provide for my family and wouldn't have it any other way. DD will never know anything different, so mommy working is her "normal." DD loves her nanny and is happy to be home with her all day. I consider her "firsts" to be the first time I see it!
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| Posted 7/20/12 9:40 AM |
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dlj97
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 4399 total posts
Name:
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
Posted by Finally1108
i hate that I am a FTWM, i want to be with DS 24/7, especially now that he is so young and having all his 1sts! I have to admit i have become bitter towards MIL b/c she gets to spend so much more time with him then me and DH
I love my DD more than anything in the entire world, but I would go crazy being with her 24/7!!!
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| Posted 7/20/12 9:41 AM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
Posted by dlj97
Posted by MrsPorkChop
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by CloudNine
Posted by Pomegranate5
I'm right there with you. For me, it's my not having a choice that is the hardest to swallow.
i feel the same way. its such a heart wrenching thing to know you arent there to watch your kids grow up but dont worry, you'll make plenty of other memories in other ways
This is a TERRIBLE way to think !! We are ALL absolultely there to 'watch our kids grow up!" - You don't have to be w/ them all day, every day to be their mother, and to see and experience them grow and learn! - Don't do that to yourself !!
AGREED!
Me too! I am a FTWM and I think I am setting a wonderful example for DD to grow up to be a strong, independent woman. Of course I miss her all day, but I cherish our evenings and weekends and my vacation time with her. I am proud of the fact that I provide for my family and wouldn't have it any other way. DD will never know anything different, so mommy working is her "normal." DD loves her nanny and is happy to be home with her all day. I consider her "firsts" to be the first time I see it!
exactly. my twins are in day care and let me tell you- they wear them out there and do all the right things for growth and development. i dont think with 2 infants, and a house to run, that i would be giving them all the right things like good intervalsdof play or tummy time. When i was home on leave, by myself...i was in survival mode.
i am happy to work and be a joint providor with my husband, we both contribute equally and its important to be financially secure so we can give the twins everything they could need in life.
in addition it makes ME happy to be at work, get dressed, have adult interaction etc. I lets me escape the mommy world and be in the Melissa world.
I miss them all day but i run to pick them up and i enjoy them and have more patience with them over when i was home with them all day long. to each their own but do not beat yourself up about this.
Message edited 7/20/2012 9:53:53 AM.
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| Posted 7/20/12 9:52 AM |
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mrsboss
my little love
Member since 12/09 5054 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
I agree with the PP's. I love DD immensely, but there is no way I could be home 7 days/wk, I'd lose my mind with her. I also agree that daycare is SO good for her, she is loved by her teachers and what she is learning and doing/interacting is way better than what I could provide by being home with her. I miss her during the day, but I know she is happy and learning. I love coming home to see what she made, and what she's saying/doing. I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out, as the evenings and weekends are ours. But I can also see the flip side to this. But I need to work not only for money, but for sanity.
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| Posted 7/20/12 11:24 AM |
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chikita315
Love
Member since 8/06 7945 total posts
Name:
M-lo
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
Posted by MrsPorkChop
exactly. my twins are in day care and let me tell you- they wear them out there and do all the right things for growth and development. i dont think with 2 infants, and a house to run, that i would be giving them all the right things like good intervalsdof play or tummy time. When i was home on leave, by myself...i was in survival mode.
i am happy to work and be a joint providor with my husband, we both contribute equally and its important to be financially secure so we can give the twins everything they could need in life.
in addition it makes ME happy to be at work, get dressed, have adult interaction etc. I lets me escape the mommy world and be in the Melissa world.
I miss them all day but i run to pick them up and i enjoy them and have more patience with them over when i was home with them all day long. to each their own but do not beat yourself up about this.
You've articulated how I feel beautifully.
Only replace the twins with a 1 and 4 year old 
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| Posted 7/20/12 12:05 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
Posted by 2011baby
I could have written this myself word for word. why OH why did I not become a teacher???
Ita , every summer I kick myself for not becoming a teacher. the worst is sitting in The office from after lunch to 5:00 just dying to get out 
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| Posted 7/20/12 12:07 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
I feel your pain I do have to say though quality over quantity. As long as you make the most of the days you do have to spend, your DC will be happy. I think we tend to put guilt on ourselves when we shouldn't. You are doing your best and you love your DC. The time you spend you make the most of it and create memories that your DC will never forget
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| Posted 7/20/12 12:09 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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just a FTWM sigh/vent
It's not really guilt that I feel. Actually, it's not guilt at all. It's more sadness. I want that time with them. We do make the very most of our time, especially weekends. But it's not enough for me. I feel like I need/want more time with them, and less rush during the week.
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| Posted 7/20/12 12:13 PM |
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charon54
My two boys!
Member since 5/05 7279 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
While I never would want to be anything but a FTWM, I will say that I understand what you are saying about the summer. It's already August almost and we haven't made it to the town pool or really gone to anywhere we said we wanted to get to over the summer. Those weekends really go fast.
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| Posted 7/20/12 1:09 PM |
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ODonnell
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Member since 9/05 5983 total posts
Name:
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
While I would love to not have to work or at least work part-time I make the most of every moment I have with my DD, especially in the Summer. Before the Summer i did swimming and music class with her at the weekend. Since June I have been taking long weekends and going to the beach, parks and to visit friends/family more often - things I never made time for before. I feel that I make more of an effort to do fun, quality activities now that I am back working while I wouldn't be able to afford the classes or have the inclination if I didn't only have two precious days at the weekend with my DD.
Like pps have said, my DD will never know anything different than mommy going to work every day and I hope that I will have the energy as she gets older to continue dedicating all my free time to DD. So, even though i would love to be home every day, I love what I do when I'm at work and I make every second count when I'm at home and I try not to dwell on the 5 days that I'm not there.
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| Posted 7/20/12 2:08 PM |
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KPanas
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1691 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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just a FTWM sigh/vent
Could've written this word for word..it is heart wrenching for me to leave my baby every morning. She is almost 9mths old and I've been back to work since she was 12wks and I still cry almost every morning :(
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| Posted 7/20/12 2:22 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
I definitely did not choose to be a FTWM and I will regret it for the rest of my life - the path that led me here. I still cry a lot but not daily any more. . .
ANYWAY, I just took off one day to take DD to Sesame Place and I am taking off a day in a few weeks to take her to the beach. These little days here and there make me feel better about it
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| Posted 7/20/12 2:28 PM |
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alisha
LIF Adult
Member since 3/07 1199 total posts
Name:
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Re: just a FTWM sigh/vent
I agree with what everyone said.
I would add that many times we feel sad and/or guilty being away from our babies all day because we think that they will form an attachment to their day care providers over us.
I am on maternity leave and so pleasantly surprised that my 2 yo daughter rarely asks for my sister who took care of her when I went back to work when she was 12 weeks old. I thought that she would want her Aunty over me, but she really is all about momma.
Take comfort in that our kiddos really do know who their mamma is.
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| Posted 7/20/12 6:13 PM |
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