Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

My DH has 2 cousins who have babies... I was pregnant at the same time as one of them... and for the other, I was pregnant at her wedding. I can't believe that fast forward to now, I am still in this childless place and they have their babies and having 1 and 2yr birthday parties. Whatever.. That ship has sailed That pity party could literally go on for decades, or as long as it takes me to actually have a child of my own!

Annnyway... over the years, those cousins invited me to baby showers... birthday parties... etc... all that I turned down because I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was happy for them, but the devastation I felt for myself trumped it. I'm not ALWAYS like this. The week I miscarried my triplets and lost my grandfather, I was at BBB buying baby gifts for 2 friends and visiting one at the NICU. I'm not an infertile gremlin who can't be happy for anyone, but I just find family things hard.

Well, one of them just made a 2nd birthday party for her daughter. I found out through the grapevine, and just saw pics on Facebook of the entire family there. We were not even invited.

Is it silly that I feel kinda insulted over this, even though I never went to their parties in the past? Not even being INVITED.. I just feel like .... Is that really what they think of me?? That I'm just so miserable and never go to things so why even bother invite us? I would at least like an invitation and make the decision on my own to go.

Yesterday I was talking to one of the cousins who is making a 1yr birthday party in a few weeks. We were not invited originally, but after chatting the entire day, I guess she felt bad and said she forgot to bring my invitation but told me when and where the party will be. I told my DH I wanna go ......


In the meantime, am I wrong to feel insulted about the other party we weren't invited to?

Message edited 6/17/2012 6:24:03 PM.

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

I never think feelings are wrong. It could be that your cousin saw how hard it was for you before, and didn't want to put you through that?

Do you have a relationship where you can talk to her about it?

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

I would feel insulted if other first cousins were invited and I was not. If it just appeared to be friends and immediate family then I would not be as bothered.

I think most people do not know how to deal with people dealing with IF - so maybe they were just trying to not hurt your feelings, which in the end actually hurt your feelings.

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

I would be insulted, but my first reaction is that she knows you wouldnt come so she didnt invite you... idk if thats the case or not.

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

i know that after a few times of people turning down our invitations that we stop inviting them, so i can def relate to why they might do this....

that being said, the more i think about it, although DHs first cousins rarely come to our events i ALWAYS invite them because they are first cousins. however on my side of the family my first cousins and I are extremely distant. i invite them to the bigger events but not the smaller. they were invited to my wedding, but not DDs first birthday party. i would have invited them but i dont even know their addresses and i know they aren't coming anyway so i just sent the invite to my aunt and uncle addressed to "The SoAndSo Family." so long story short, it depends how close you are with his cousins both relative-wise (first cousin, second cousin, etc) and social closeness (ie do you know their address to send them cards/invites?).

its easy to be insulted if you dont get invited to something but just remember how it would be if you were the one constantly getting the "no" RSVP. if you think it shouldn't matter since you are close relatives, then it makes sense to feel insulted. if it doesn't make sense, then don't waste your energy on it, it's their loss either way!!

Message edited 6/17/2012 8:38:59 PM.

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

Posted by FlowerWife

it's their loss either way!!

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

Posted by Wishes1111

Posted by JoanneAndJustin

I never think feelings are wrong. It could be that your cousin saw how hard it was for you before, and didn't want to put you through that?

Do you have a relationship where you can talk to her about it?

I agree! You have the right to your feelings and anyone can see why you would not want to attend these events however I would say with you not attending the different events over the past of couple of years they probably didn't want to have to put you in the position to say no again or just anticipating you wouldn't want to go. Maybe if you do go to your other family member's party, they will realize you are feeling more up to it and feel more optimistic about inviting you in the future.

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

I'm the wrong one to ask because I am upset when I am invited to these things and insulted when I'm not. But....I would rather feel included and decide on my own to go or not like you said.

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

I can see both sides....if I were the person inviting and got turned down several times I would think that you didnt want to be included...I also can say I would want to be invited and make the choice myself...I think by going to the event now they may see that you want to be invited and hopefully they will start inviting you again

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

I think it is not about oh she never comes anyway,I think it is more I don't wanna have to put her through another,here is another party invite and I have to say why I don't want to go..

I think if she invited u to all those beforew she wants u there and understands why u do not want to and was trying to save you any heartache she might have caused by sending the invite

I am sorry it made u feel bad

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

I think you have every right to be insulted since they invited everyone else. however, they might not have done it intentionally and didn't invite you in order to keep from hurting your feelings.

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

I would be upset, especially since you saw pictures with the whole family in them.

I know how you feel. I went to 4 baby showers while I was going through treatments and I went home and cried after each and every one of them. It made me feel worse when everyone was saying "your next". My DH at one point said no more baby showers you cannot keep getting this upset just say no to them.

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

crashing as I found my way on to this board and have read a few posts ...

could they have possibly been trying to spare sad feelings for you? Did they know these parties were hard for you hence the reason you didn't attend previously?

I think the best thing to do is communicate so everything is out in the open for the future and neither party has to go through it again!

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

Message edited 6/18/2012 4:57:46 PM.

Re: Would you be insulted? .. .Or .. do I kinda deserve this?

I was not invited to one of our GODson's birthdays. I think it was the third birthday. We didn't have any kids then (IF struggling) and the parents (DH's bro & his SIL) said it was going to be a mostly kid party.

Was I hurt? YES. So I totally understand what you are going through.

I kind of understand after having a kid... kid parties get huge & are easier if you invite only a few kids (but their parents come too).